Or maybe you, like me, also visited these now-nearly-obsolete places called tanning bed salons regularly before prom and felt tremendous satisfaction that the heart sticker imprint on your stomach became more prominent with each visit.

And although I finally started wearing sunscreen above SPF 4 in college, the damage was largely already done. (I’m not even going to go into the fact that I didn’t wear sunblock even once as a child…my mom heard I didn’t need it since I wasn’t prone to sunburn.)

And truth be told, I’m still not the most regular on all things sun protection and now, yes—I’m seeing the ramifications of it in the form of age spots, fine lines, blah blah—and I do want to protect my skin for health, not just vanity.

So, in honor of sunny days coming, I put together the ways I’m seeking safer sun this summer. Yes, there’s my favorite sunscreens and skincare with SPF, but I went further and found some really cute baseball hats because my collection needs an upgrade, beach coverups, sunglasses (and chains!) and even a big sunhat.

And if you have any safer sun favorites, by all means, drop it in the comments because us former tanning bed, sun goddess millennials need you!

Obviously we want to protect our gorgeous faces with a layer of sunscreen every day—even if it’s cloudy. You know that already. I am extremely picky about face sunscreen because my skin picks up a white cast easily and I really don’t like that telltale “sunscreen” smell. But, over the years, I’ve found some favorites that I’ve purchased multiple times. And of course, as I pulled those images, I happened upon a couple I want to try. WHY AM I SO GOOD AT SHOPPING?

The cult favorite for a reason.

Completely invisible and truly velvety, I love this one under makeup because it doubles as a primer—no pilling, white cast, or greasy finish. My skin veers toward dry these days and it doesn’t make it feel tight or chalky, just smooth and glowy. Also, it’s husband-approved! It sinks into his scruff beautifully.

“I need serious SPF but don’t want to break out.”

It’s lightweight, oil-absorbing, and plays especially well with humid summer weather. I got my first bottle of this in Paris (so much cheaper!!) and was actually shocked by how thin it is…really nice option for combo skin (which I used to have).

This is for the skincare people

I have NOT tried this yet (but happy to provide my mailing address, ILIA!). I am so intrigued by it, I decided to see if any of you have tried? It seems like this is for those who want their SPF to feel elegant and vaguely spa-like and hi—that would be me. If you’ve used it, please tell me you hated it so I keep my bank account happy.

If you too are fighting dark spots

Like the one above, this has more of a skincare feel than a beach sunscreen feel—lightweight, mineral-based, and packed with antioxidants. I bought it specifically to try to help lighten my dark spots and while I can’t say I’ve noticed a big difference, it mixes into my foundation beautifully which is a win in my book.

Dry skin savior

Not technically a sunscreen, but SPF 50 and it deserves a mention because I discovered it a few months ago after a friend texted me a must-buy list for the French pharmacy and this was at the top. Thick, soothing, and genuinely restorative, it feels like a long drink of cold water for your face. My husband actually used it the entire time we were in Antigua last month and commented that he liked it which—for a man who doesn’t even wash his face—is saying something.

I’ve used this for over a decade

Dermatologist office royalty! If you’ve ever asked an esthetician or derm for sunscreen recommendations, odds are this was mentioned immediately. The tinted version evens everything out just enough and I throw this one on anytime I know it’s going to be a no-makeup day. Truly an all-star that I’ve kept in my rotation for 10+ years.

I’m all about easy when it comes to cover ups and so that’s what all of these are. Literally not a fussy one in the bunch.

Just came into stock!

I’m all about the white tank-white skirt look this summer and immediately put a notification in at Zara for this skirt once it came into stock. Well, it’s our lucky day because I got a notification just a few hours ago. It looks really good—cotton (although the lining is not pure cotton wah), not too see-through (I need to wear this on non-pool errands!), and no frills. I’m all about tiers and lace, but this summer, I’m envisioning something a little less romantic. I plan to order a size M—it says to size up and I’m between a S/M these days.

I’ve got three of these

I’ve been a fan of the Fiore Dress ever since the girls I worked with at Anthro started wearing them a decade ago. They are so airy and flowy and hold up insanely well. You can wear them to the beach and also to dinner and also with a blazer on top in the fall. I’ve washed and dried mine at least 30-40 times and they still look great.

You need one good sarong

I got a very similar scarf to this to wear over my suit on our last beach vacation. I don’t think you need a bunch of them. 1-2 is totally fine since yes—you can wear them as a shawl when it gets windy, but it’s not going to be the base of several outfits for you like a buttondown or linen pants will.

Eyelet is always in

This could be as easily from Madewell 2010 as it could be from Sezane 2026. But guess what, it’s neither! Throw this over your suit post-swim and you could totally go to dinner in it too IMO.

You already own these

It’s the classic pairing that will never go out of style. Buttondown + linen pants. I bet you already have them both in your closet, but if you don’t, I recommend this one that’s under $40 and is usually on sale (currently $27.99!). There are better ones out there, absolutely, but if you’re buying it so you have a cover up, don’t spend your hard-earned $$$$$. I have it in two colors and have worn then approx 59 times. Pair with these pants that I don’t yet own, but are in my cart and I have on very good authority that they’re excellent (also in Petite and Tall!).

Doen vibes for wayyy less

J.Crew has really been killing it lately and this shows us why. Super flattering silhouette and breezy! No one wants to wear something that feels stifling in the heat, and also, not spending $450 sounds good, too? I’m sad because the pink one I LOVED sold out today, but I do think the black one looks promising and likely would be more versatile, too. If you want something a little more form-fitting (but still breezy), this one looks very good, too.

The one I get the most compliments on

While I do usually wear this as an actual dress rather than poolside, it is technically a caftan. It’s no longer offered in the crinkled silk I own it in (it’s gorgeous and I would buy another if it comes back out), but it IS available in linen and one of my best friends has it and is obsessed. The silhouette is incredibly flattering, the deep-v is perfect, and it’s really unique which is probably why it gets all the compliments.

Will never go out of style

An eternal classic. Somehow makes every outfit look intentional, even if you’re wearing yesterday’s sweatshirt and hauling seventeen beach snacks. The perfect slightly-preppy, East Coast summer hat. And yes, you could probably get it cheaper on Ebay, but hats are one thing I don’t really try to buy used, as much as it hurts my deal-seeking heart.

My ride or die

I bought this hat 5 years ago and it’s beaten up and faded and honestly sort of gross-looking, but I still wear it because the fit is SO good.

Celine without the Celine $$$

Listen friends—I like the small sunglasses on other people, but on me, they look hideous. My face is just not dainty and heart shaped and I don’t have a strong jawline and I have cheeks! Also I want to fully hide behind my shades, TYVM. These sunglasses are top of my list ATM because all of my other ones are scratched and ancient AND they are sort of reminiscent of the Celine ones I like but without the Celine price tag and, of course, they aren’t small lol. They somehow hit that sweet spot of cool, polished, and slightly vintage.

You will get compliments on these

No, I don’t own these, but yes I want to. They have that “found these in a chic boutique hotel gift shop” energy. That olive green hue is sick (and I don’t even naturally use that word!).

No more “sliding down your nose”

I’ve worn Wayfarers for years because they’re just flattering! But, if you’ve ever had sunglasses constantly sliding down your nose or sitting weirdly on your cheeks: well, welcome to my life. I just realized they come in a low bridge fit and honestly, hallelujah.

Cool girl hat if there ever was one

Slightly more fashion-editor-on-vacation than sporty. This is the hat you throw on with an oversized button-down and suddenly look like you meant to look effortless. Minimal, chic, and extremely good at disguising 3rd-day hair (which I am sporting at the moment).

I think these are still cool?

So, sunglass chains came back right before Covid hit and listen, everything I bought from that time period I still own and wear because I have three children who take up most all of my shopping budget. Mine are from Donni, are a beautiful blush pearl, and sold out—BUT I found one here that’s similar and around 1/4 of what I paid (50% off right now, too!).

Big hat for “not big hat people”

Most wide brim hats remind me of either a horse ranch out west or a pumpkin patch circa 2012 with a blogger looking thoughtfully into the distance while holding a bouquet of sunflowers. Probably with the Nashville filter. But big hats give good sun protection, so I found one from a brand that I’ve loved for years.

Alright, now let’s go get some Vitamin D!

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A quick note: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission if you purchase through them—at no extra cost to you. As always, I only share things I genuinely use, love, or am heavily influenced to buy myself.

Thank you so much for reading Double Dutch. It truly means the world. For more, follow along on Instagram. Connect on LinkedIn. Let’s work together. Buy me a coffee!

Need a place to start? Check out everyone’s favorites: ✨ Motherhood Series ✨20+ Hacks Your Grandmother Probably Used ✨ The Ultimate Baby Registry List ✨ How I’m Traveling to Paris for $368 ✨ 3 Easy Dinners I Make Every Week ✨ Exactly What to Bring New Moms ✨ #RealTalk: I Wasn’t Cool, Would We Have Been Friends?

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All jokes aside, I’m just a mom trying to feel better on all levels—mental, physical, emotional—after birthing three children, years of secondary infertility, losing a job (and more painfully, insurance), buying a fixer upper, building a new career, gaining weight, losing strength, etc. I know there are a lot of you who are in a similar boat.

But! The title of this post wasn’t a lie, don’t worry. What I’m detailing today are the very small steps I’ve been taking toward better health, strength, and productivity over the last few months.

I’m an avid wellness podcast-listener and am a huge fan of women in the space like Stacy Sims, Liz Moody, and Kelly Leveque. Over the years, I’ve listened to hundreds and hundreds of episodes and lately have been especially interested in conversations around perimenopause (I’m 40). I’ve taken what I’ve learned and applied some of the recommendations to my day-to-day.

Spoiler: I’m not yet toned enough to feel good in a tank top. I still get a mid-afternoon slump. My knees still hurt going down stairs. But I’m doing what I can, and hopefully, consistency is what will get me there—wherever there is!

If you haven’t seen this video by one of my favorite moms (literally, so hilarious), it pretty much sums up 75% of the things rattling around my head on a daily basis.

• Protein! At least your body weight in grams!

• Are you getting sunlight on your eyes within one hour of waking?

• Aminos! Creatine! Lift heavy! And walk! Wear a weighted vest. Weighted vests cause back pain!

• Don’t say, “Be careful” to your kids, it creates a fight or flight response. (LOL I’m sorry, but this is so dumb.)

• Make sure to stay in the present—babies don’t keep! Are you taking time for yourself?

• Soak it in! But also groceries are going to start costing the equivalent of your salary. So also consider a side hustle!

• Drink water! But not too much because your body can’t absorb it. In fact, add some sea salt to it!

It’s overwhelming and honestly, disheartening.

Based on the feedback from my recent post about my Hustle Era™, I know many of you are also trying to fit a whole freaking lot into a mere 24 hours. Work, sleep, shuttling kids to sports if you’re a mom, building careers. There’s also returns to make and groceries to buy and oh yeah, lunches to pack and dinners to make, and don’t FORGET ABOUT THE PROTEIN.

So if you’re interested in what I’m trying out or want to join me in this (PLEASE JOIN ME, I’D LOVE IT!), read on.

Prep protein-heavy breakfast for yourself the night before. Do this while you’re cleaning up the dishes. Have your partner load the dishwasher while you stir something up.

A few of my personal favorite:

• Overnight oats: I add Greek yogurt, whole milk, oats, maple syrup, frozen fruit, protein powder, chia seeds, pumpkin seeds). This has over 35 grams of protein and keep me full for hours. I do 4 at a time if I can.

• Frittata cups: Just eggs, veggies from dinner, cheese, bacon or sausage if you have it. Pour into muffin tin and pop those babies into the fridge. Nuke them in the AM.

• Smoothie (prep the fruit, seeds, veggies the night before and put in a freezer bag in the freezer). In the AM, dump into the blender and add protein powder, water/orange juice, and Greek yogurt.

Have 3-4 no-recipe dinners you make every week.

For me that is:

• Tortillas + meat + cheese. Sometimes I’ll roll them, spray with avocado oil, and bake until crispy. Other times, I just warm them up on a tray in the oven and cut into triangles.

• Spaghetti + meatballs.

• Rice bowl + Instant Pot protein (usually pulled pork). Top with sliced up cucumbers, shredded carrots, avocado, chili oil, mango, and plenty of Japanese BBQ sauce.

• Pizza (always on Fridays)

Serve your kids the same things in their lunch every week.

I get the occasional complaint, but it makes life so much easier. For my second grader, it’s a sandwich (PB&J or Nutella, I know I know…), apple slices, string cheese, meat stick.

For the babies, it’s a Greek yogurt cup (I like Icelandic Provisions), cheese stick, berries, and either raisin bread or bread and jam. I’ll add in some lupini beans or lentils too if I have them (I buy pre-packaged at Whole Foods). Their school is meat-free, nut-free which lunches a little more challenging in the protein realm.

Real talk: While I’m squarely in my Hustle Era™, I’m also in my Least Good Shape of My Life Era™. I wish I had an extra 90 minutes to spare to work out a few times a week, but I do not and before you suggest a walking mat, my ADHD prohibits me from focusing while moving (anyone else?!). So, here’s my plan. I don’t get it done every week, but it’s fully based on what Stacy Sims tells me I need to do as someone in perimenopause.

• High intensity sprints 3X per week

  • Total time including rest time: 5-7 minutes

  • I run down my driveway, but it can be anything—bike, rowing, high knees. You want this to be 100% effort like THIS IS VERY HARD, CAN’T TALK, CAN’T GO LONGER THAN 30 SECONDS.

  • 3-4X // 30-second sprints. In between each, I walk back slowly for 90-120 seconds.

  • I do this in regular clothes. That’s correct: I don’t change into workout clothes because I don’t break into a sweat (after years of killing myself working out, I learned this year we shouldn’t feel totally crushed after working out!). My neighbors probably get a laugh out of it but it’s cool, we’re friends.

• Heavy weights 2-3X per week.

  • Total time: 15-20 minutes

  • Ideally I do this before I sprint for 20 minutes. Sometimes, I do it between calls.

• Walk 2-3X per week

  • Total time: ~20 minutes

  • I wish it was more often and longer.

• Squats once an hour

  • Total time: > 1 minute

  • I set a timer for 1 hour when I start working. Every hour I work, I get up at the timer and do 10 full squats. One of my friends recommended to keep blood circulating!

  • Full disclosure: on a good day, I get 6X in.

This is not medical advice—I’m definitely not a medical professional. I went to college thinking I was going to be a nurse and graduated with a degree in Communications and Spanish.

But based on everything I’ve been learning about women’s health in our late 30s and 40s (especially around muscle loss, stress, recovery, and hormones), these are a few things I’m trying to stay more consistent with lately.

Vitamin D3 + K2: Apparently a shocking number of us are low in Vitamin D, even people who live somewhere sunny. I take D3 paired with K2 because it helps with absorption and bone health.

Aminos: I’ve been focusing way more on muscle-building and protein intake lately, especially after learning how important muscle is for women as we age. I do these aminos in water in the morning (mango flavor, because if it tastes bad I simply won’t do it). If I remember, I do another glass of water with aminos in the afternoon. The important thing is you want the ingredient listing to be transparent (no “proprietary” blends). Here is another slightly cheaper option that has great reviews and here’s one from Grove if you’re a member.

Creatine: This one has come up over and over in research around women’s health. Helps support muscle, strength, recovery, and even cognitive health. It’s totally flavorless (I add this to my aminos in the morning) and no, it won’t make you bulky. The most important thing is to look for one with Creapure which is a clean form of creatine (no chemical extraction).

Magnesium glycinate: I take this before bed. I can’t confidently say it transformed my life overnight, but I’ve read women tend to burn through magnesium more quickly under stress and considering my baseline state is “slightly very tightly clenched,” it feels worth supporting. I picked this one up on a whim last year and really like.

I was going to call this section “Mental Health,” but it’s honestly how I keep my sanity so here goes! Keeping it real!

No is a full sentence—practice it widely. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it until I start taking my own advice more consistently! One thing I’ve learned in motherhood is there’s a good kind of exhausted and a bad kind of exhausted.

• The good kind of exhausted is that feeling when you’ve spent all day outside and maybe you’ve dug in the dirt or made cookies and gone on a family hike and hung out with the neighbors and stayed up late chasing fireflies. You drift off to sleep nearly as soon as your head hits the pillow, but your heart feels full, happy, like you truly squeezed the goodness out of the day.

• The bad kind of exhausted is that feeling of total depletion. For me, it comes from running from one thing to another with no breathing room and a lot of on-the-go meals and missed naps and showing up at things that are fun—don’t get me wrong!—but everyone would have been absolutely fine if you had missed it. This kind of exhaustion leaves you collapsed onto the couch at the end of the night feeling overwhelmed, mindlessly scrolling, and in a bad mood.

All that to say—your gut will help you decipher the good kind and the bad kind. Reply “No,” comment “So sorry to miss!" and move on.

Car snacks = less tears. Pretty self-explanatory. Nothing crushes my sanity like screaming hungry children in the car. This is my reality 4/5 days during the work week and it sucks. So, stash some snacks in your car. Ones that hold up in the summer: trail mix (no chocolate unless you like a mess), animal or graham crackers, freeze dried mangoes (strawberries get weird), pretzels of all varieties, snack-size Pringles (I get the organic brand that makes me feel healthier), Chomps sticks, Solely or Annie’s fruit snacks. The goal isn’t protein necessarily, it’s distraction!

Babysitter on a weekend morning/afternoon. This was largely inspired by ’s genius admin date. I took it one further and started scheduling a babysitter from 10am-3pm on Saturdays once a month. It’s $125 that my husband and I look forward to spending every month. A luxury, for sure, but absolutely worth it if you can swing it. We go to a coffee shop, I write and he works on our renovation plans. We chat, grab lunch, and sometimes drive slowly through beautiful neighborhoods getting inspo.

SSRI for the win. It’s been part of my life for the past 16 years or so and I am so much better for it. I’ve gone off of it here and there throughout the years, but have come to the conclusion that I am so much more steady with some support. I took one during 2/3 pregnancies and the one I didn’t take one during ended in a serious postpartum mental crisis—largely due to lots of out-of-my-control circumstances, but it would have helped if I’d been on one already to avoid the weeks it takes to see a difference.1

Your timer is your friend. I can get so much more done when I’m working against a clock. If the messy kitchen is bothering me so much, I can’t concentrate on work, I set a timer for 15 minutes, pop in my AirPods, and get to work emptying the dishwasher, putting away the breakfast dishes, and running the garbage disposal. I never find that it taking just a few minutes to do that significantly impedes my work output and my brain feels SO much calmer afterward.

Stop frantically taking notes at your meetings. I recently started using a tool that automatically starts transcribing my meetings when they start. It then emails me what I agreed to deliver, timelines, and next steps. I’m no longer trying to find my Google Doc window and contribute and type at the same time. I can go back and reference the whole meeting transcript. There are a ton of tools out there (I use one in Notion, but there are many).

Find your best working hours and use them wisely. I do my best work between the hours of 9AM-2PM. I try to reserve at least some of these hours to do my really deep thinking work, projects that take a lot of brain power, and anything really creative. The rest of the day (which for me ends around 4pm due to kids and starts again around 8pm2), I use for calls, work that’s more repetitive or administrative, and outreach.

And of course, Brick it. In case you’re not familiar, you tap your phone on a magnet (mine is on my fridge) and it locks you out of social apps, Chrome, and whatever else sucks your focus away from your task at hand. It’s phenomenal. Bricking my phone before I start working for the day is my #1 way of staying focused. The number of times I find myself trying to scroll for the sake of scrolling is humbling. (Use my link for 10% off your Brick!)

A quick note: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission if you purchase through them—at no extra cost to you. As always, I only share things I genuinely use, love, or am heavily influenced to buy myself.

Speaking of working out, even though I sprint in my regular clothes, I do need a little spruce up in terms of workout wear. Two of my favorite leggings got holes in them within weeks of each other (4 years old and 50+ washes, feels expected) which feels like a sign, right?

After years of performance wear that does not double as regular clothing, I’m all about dual-purpose these days. Here’s what’s catching my eye:

• Literal gym to dinner option. Or in my case, my home gym AKA living room to quesadilla at child’s sports practice.

• It’s time to get finally get this classic in my closet. Digging the red/navy combo.

• I’m not really a middriff-baring gal these days (or maybe, ever again), but I think this one would hit the top of my waistband due to my short torso—which is great because I also don’t love the look of super long tanks on me. Again, short person problem.

• I just spent forever trying to figure out where this skirt was from and then realized it’s a skort which is a game-changer when you have little ones. The red is in my cart. I don’t even like butter yellow, and this look made me want to look like a stick Kerrygold. Maybe technically not active, but we’re going with it.

• I was alerted to these by in her excellent newsletter Clotheshorse. Buttery, compression, pockets? Say less.

• The little notch on the back really gets me and $58 is a steal IMO. I think I’d wear this on walks, post-workout, at the beach, over a button down…

• Another FP Movement option and a $38 pricetag that feels surprising for what I’ve been seeing on track shorts.

  Looking for some good tee options. I’m inclined to do 100% cotton, not true performance fabrics. Tell me what you love!

  ---

Thank you so much for reading Double Dutch. It truly means the world. For more, follow along on Instagram. Connect on LinkedIn. Let’s work together. Buy me a coffee!

Need a place to start? Check out everyone’s favorites: ✨ Motherhood Series ✨20+ Hacks Your Grandmother Probably Used ✨ The Ultimate Baby Registry List ✨ How I’m Traveling to Paris for $368 ✨ 3 Easy Dinners I Make Every Week ✨ Exactly What to Bring New Moms ✨ #RealTalk: I Wasn’t Cool, Would We Have Been Friends?

On Mondays before lacrosse practice, I’m a can’t-find-my-keys, stomping-through-the-house tornado of chaos. My eyeballs are practically glued to the ceiling, I’m rolling them so hard—at the stove that’s not cooking fast enough. At the second grader who has somehow taken, “Get in the car!” to mean, “Can you start building a fort with empty diaper boxes and masking tape?” At the audacity of my gas tank to be on E with zero miles left.

Conversely, I’d be able to afford those Donni pants I’m coveting if I got a dollar every time someone told me how zen I am. “

Nicole, you just have such a calming presence.”

“I can’t even IMAGINE you yelling, you’re so chill.”

People say this to me weekly—on calls, at sports practices, at preschool pickup. It surprises me every time, because I rarely feel calm on the inside, but I’m glad to project some sort of calming aura. Perhaps its my triple water sign? (Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon, Pisces Rising—give me your thoughts!)

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The American poet and essayist Walt Whitman wrote:

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)

Seeing as he wrote that in 1855, I think it’s safe to say multitudes have been a part of human existence for a while. Multifaceted is expected, it keeps life interesting, it keeps your partner on their toes (LOL).

However, there’s one area I’m very un-multifaceted in: celebrating myself. Letting people compliment me or be excited for me is really uncomfortable and though Kate-Middleton-gracious is what I aspire for, I stutter and deprecate and push them away as quickly as Meghan Markle returned her crown. (Sorry, had to.)

So, in the spirit of doing the things that feel just a little outside the old comfort zone, I want to celebrate a little bit because why the heck not? Let’s shout our wins or at least put them on the Internet where hundreds, thousands, millions of people can celebrate with us (manifesting here!).

11 Recent Wins, in No Particular Order (+ 1 Thing I’m Manifesting)

1.) I’m published!

While my bread & butter is helping brands architect their voice and messaging, my true love is writing that’s a little more freeform. Many thanks for who introduced me to her editor, who introduced me to my editor at NY Mag. I wrote a piece on chic raincoats and it was really so much fun. Now I have like 15 raincoats, so as our good friend Hilary Duff says, “Let the rain fall down.”

2.) Took a true vacation

I went to Paris in October and while it was lovely and gorgeous, I was just starting to have clients and was terrified of losing them.

So, I worked a lot. Instead of enjoying our very luxurious hotel room, I stressed over deadlines and wrote a lot of headlines and stayed up late writing, grumpy and tired.

A couple weeks ago, my husband Tim and I went to the Caribbean for a quick getaway. I notified all of my clients beforehand which I learned from my friend who candidly wrote about her experience working on vacation. On her next vacation, she changed her approach and actually unplugged. That was my end goal for this trip. While I did do a small bit of work and Slack-checking while on the beach, it was a largely relaxing trip that I returned from feeling refreshed.

(Side note: Vacay recap is coming soon and yes, I only paid $90 total for our $2K+ per night villa.)

3.) Dinner wins

Yesterday evening, my oldest (and also pickiest) said, “Mom, you should open up a restaurant and serve this food.” The food praise was largely directed toward this chicken and it’s been on our weekly rotation since I discovered the recipe eight weeks ago.

Do not skimp on the butter (I use 1 full stick for 6 chicken breasts), salt and pepper more than you think, and stick whatever veggies you have knocking around your produce drawer under the wire rack for a serious treat.

4.) Dessert wins

While we’re on the topic of food, I made this cheesecake for a baby shower and it is perfect. Light, not-too-sweet, and incredibly creamy, the only change I would make is to bake the graham cracker crust so it can get some of that caramelization that occurs in high heat. I served with lots of fresh, chopped up strawberries (+ a touch of sugar) and my husband, who’s not a sweet tooth, was sad he only got one slice. Score.

5.) Guest posted for one of my food blogger idols

I’ve been a fan of for nearly two decades and her recipes have become a true part of my life. Her birthday cake is perfect, the apple pie bars are on constant rotation, and I distinctly remember making these during Tim and my early dating days to win him over1.

We’ve connected on Substack (see the interview I did with her on Double Dutch, it’s a good one) and I was truly honored to contribute to Baked In a couple of weeks ago. Read it here! Dreams do come true.

6.) Potty training success

“I have to go potty” is serious music to my ears. My middle kiddo (newly 3) is making great strides. The day we can finally ditch the diaper pail will be one of rejoicing.

Perhaps I deserve a bougie candle in the meantime, since I’m destined for the diaper pail for a few more years (my newly two year old has no interest in undies).

Side note: went on a Reddit deep dive for the TRUTH as one does, and the description of this one has me reaching for my credit card. “Smells nothing like your christmas [sic] cinnamon, rather, it smells like incense in a stone church, not smoky, just the scent of warm and cold resins mingling, elegant and refined. Smells like a high end incense perfume.”

This one too: “Im [sic] from Montreal and my old Montreal apartment has a wood burning fireplace. This candle when lit fills the air with the essence of a cozy fireplace. There is a small amount of sweet that emulates once in a while from this candle which reminds me of the smell when you’re out for a walk in the winter and you smell the air and say ‘someone is having a nice fire tonight’ . I actually light this candle when I’m having a fire to complement the aroma. Just the right amount of ‘smoke’ scent but not overwhelming. The throw is strong. I imagine this is what Robert’s library smells like in Downton Abbey. I light it with Chêne to make all my worries dissolve. Chêne reminds me of a cabin on a cold winters day or an old fashioned passenger train around 1920 in first class after dinner and you’re in the dining car and have just been offered your choice of scotch or brandy and you’re about to read a book for the next four hours. Subtle yet great throw.”

OMG I need to stop reading. This is the power of unfiltered, honest reviews!!

7.) “No” is a complete sentence

People pleaser here! Saying no is extremely hard for me, but I’ve been implementing it a tiny bit at a time and it feels like an accomplishment. Most recently, I said “no” to a shower, a brunch, and replying to texts because I was going to bed.

8.) Double Dutch is growing :)

In case you didn’t know, this is my favorite place to be. Writing here is my happy place and I just hit 1K subscribers. Thank you, truly, from the bottom of my heart. It means so much to me. If you like what you read here, I’d be grateful if you shared Double Dutch. <3

9.) Wore my husband’s thermal

A strange win, but essentially—my body has felt foreign to me these past years after three kids and entering my 40s (still does in many ways). This past year, I’ve been on a weight loss journey.2

I’ve been wanting to steal these from my husband for a few months, but they’ve been too snug to feel comfy. Today, I grabbed one on a whim because it’s chilly and…it fit. I’m going to order some for myself now because he was looking through all the clean laundry as I slinked away, muttering, “I have three thermals and I can’t find any.” (I’m a S/M in tops and the men’s XS fit like a women’s small IMO.)

10.) Landed a new client I’ve loved for years

It was one of those happenstance connections and it is SUCH fun work. Like, I’m totally obsessed. The writing has been a major creative outlet for me—I get in that flow state of writing that feels like you’re playing. And…the 50% off discount doesn’t hurt either. ;)

11.) Had fun with an outfit

I caved and bought this top I’ve been eyeing for…years? It’s so good. It’s a cotton cashmere blend, but feels like pure cotton to me and can easily be worn on summer evenings in Michigan. I got the red, but I’m also eyeing the stripes which I tried on in-store.

I paired it with this old skirt (similar here and here) and a vintage RL oxford buttondown ($30 here!) and old Everlane boots and felt affirmed in my style choice because my bestie who’s the styling director at a beloved fashion brand wore nearly the same thing.

One win I’m manifesting

1.) Hitting my ShopMy goal

I posted a note about trying to hit my ShopMy goal the other day and was honest that I felt cringe. I don’t like loading up my newsletter with ShopMy links—many of them don’t have any at all. But, I do love the platform and I do really want to partner with brands I love and sometimes you just have to DO THE THING that feels embarassing.

I’m SO close to the next tier (which basically means you’re more visible to brands) and I’d be truly grateful if you used my links to shop. Just search for the retailer you’re purchasing from and click on any link I have for them (doesn’t need to be the exact product ).

If there’s something you’re eyeing and you don’t see the retailer in my shop, shoot me a message and I’ll gladly create one for you!

PS: If you want to sign up for your own ShopMy account, you can do it here! In the past year, I’ve made around $2500 from my affiliate links. (Telling you the number because I always find it helpful when others give actuals!)

PPS: Now, tell me your wins. Let’s celebrate together, friends. <3

Share Double Dutch

Thank you so much for reading Double Dutch. It truly means the world. For more, follow along on Instagram. Connect on LinkedIn. Let’s work together. Buy me a coffee!

Need a place to start? Check out everyone’s favorites: ✨ Motherhood Series ✨20+ Hacks Your Grandmother Probably Used ✨ The Ultimate Baby Registry List ✨ How I’m Traveling to Paris for $368 ✨ 3 Easy Dinners I Make Every Week ✨ Exactly What to Bring New Moms ✨ #RealTalk: I Wasn’t Cool, Would We Have Been Friends?

Writing to you from the island of Antigua

I’m currently sitting on an outdoor loveseat with 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep under my proverbial belt, listening to the rain, gazing out at the blue-green sea. For lunch, I dined on truffle rigatoni, tomatoes and burrata, and an apple tart with apples sliced so thin, they were nearly translucent. The scent of gardenia wafts through the air and a hummingbird darts from bloom to bloom near my private plunge pool, flashing his chest that’s cloaked in iridescent green.

No, I’ve not died and gone to heaven—I am on vacation with my husband, sans kids.

And it’s funny because for all the hours I spend wishing I was on vacation or begging the universe for bedtime, I sure talk about/think about/look at photos of my kids a lot.

My mother-in-law, our childcare for the trip, has been receiving daily, “So how was this morning?” texts. Bless her, she made a point of saying she was going to try not to bother us. If she doesn’t reply, I text the preschool teachers. Just give me a morsel!

It’s not that I don’t enjoy vacationing without my children1 or that I don’t trust my mother-in-law (I do, implicitly). It’s probably tied to the fact that that my youngest, Cora, is newly two years old—checks watch—today. Yes, I’m on vacation over my baby’s second birthday and I don’t feel guilty feel 15% guilty about it.

I glance at the clock and realize that it’s past 11:15 am, her time of birth, which means exactly two years ago, I was getting to know my little girl earth side. It also means I’m two years postpartum, which feels like a milestone.

Reflections & Confessions

I think it’s correct to assume many women want to be a “You’re all belly!” glowing pregnant Giselle-like goddess. Who, a few weeks later, waltzes out of her house looking absolutely snatched. Desiring a chorus of “OMG, you just had a baby?” may be vain, but to many (myself fully included), hearing that would feel very, very good.

We’ve bought into the lie that looking like you never had a baby is what happens to moms who do it right—if you hydrate enough, have enough discipline around food, prioritize fitness more, use the right belly oil, eat more antioxidants, dial up the protein—you will emerge from pregnancy and childbirth unscathed.

Alas, I’m 5’2” and Asian, which means I’m very susceptible to stretch marks and melasma. Oh, and I don’t tolerate alcohol, but I digress2. On a scale of “body looks similar to pre-pregnancy” and “body looks like she was attacked at the midriff with tiger claws,” I am far closer to the latter (tiger claws) than I ever anticipated.

I’m going to get on a soap box for a second and then I’ll step off. But here goes:

It irritates me to no measure when I hear comments on someone’s postpartum body. Hearing how so-and-so “really bounced back” and “you can’t tell she just had a baby” is a conversation I’ll walk away from without hesitation.

[Stepping off soapbox now]

But admittedly, my disdain isn’t only rooted in my protectiveness over women’s bodies—that would be lovely and noble. It’s also, largely, because I’m envious. And ashamed.

I did not “bounce back” after any of my births. I was not unscathed.

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Anyone else have vivid memories of microwaving plastic food containers to reheat your lasagna? Or living on Little Debbie’s Swiss cake rolls? Or drinking Diet Coke like water in middle school? Those memes about millennials not drinking water are funny, but they’re also so true. My twin sister swears there was a two week period in sixth grade when she didn’t drink any water.

Or maybe you, too, Cloroxed the sh—t out of your bathroom growing up. (Oh, your mom didn’t require you to do household chores every Saturday for HOURS before you could kick it at the mall and test Bath and Body Works’ newest body splash? Consider yourself lucky. ILY, Mom!)

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When I was in my late teens, one of my friends mentioned her mom bought organic groceries at a local co-op to help with some ongoing health issues. I was intrigued and mystified; “organic“ made me think of raw milk still warm from the cow and tiny apples with worm holes. Truthfully, the only person I knew living an organic lifestyle was Dawn Schafer from The Babysitters Club.

It wasn’t until after college that I learned anything about toxins, pesticides, and parabens. One Saturday morning, I swung by my girlfriend’s house for brunch. She reached into her fridge for eggs and showed me four pounds of organic strawberries she’d just purchased at Whole Foods because they were on sale: 2/$5.

“They’re never that cheap,” she remarked, thrilled at the deal.

“Wait, I just saw strawberries 5/$5 at Acme!” I exclaimed (ever the coupon clipper).

She furrowed her brow, “Organic?” she asked, incredulous.

“No, no just regular.”

[loud gasp] “NICOLE! Strawberries are the number one food you should buy organic! I don’t even buy them if they’re not!”

Apparently, that conversation was the beginning of a shift for me. In the 15 years that have passed since that breakfast, conventional strawberries have graced my fridge only a handful of times—and so much more has shifted, too.

I started making small swaps—not all at once…this is key!—but enough that it changed how I live. It was a slow progression…a mix of an interest in healthier living and society’s shift into its wellness era, I suppose. Some were fads (apple cider vinegar + hot water + lemon + cayenne a la Beyoncé, anyone?), and others were added to my life permanently.

Over the past decade, wellness podcasts like and Be Well by Kelly and have entered my listening rotation. I really love learning more about our bodies and how what we breathe, what we eat, our stress levels, and how we move are truly all connected. I want to feel good! I want to live as long as possible!

Listen, I’m not a clean living saint by any means. I definitely don’t do everything “clean.”1 I don’t run my purchases use through the EWG app (It gives me a complex and also, I don’t want a sunscreen that’s pure zinc oxide, ya know?).

And just so we’re clear—I don’t care if you’re beeswax, tallow, or special oil from an exotic flower, you will never convince me to retire my Aquaphor habit. Nothing hits like a glob of petroleum!

But, I have made a conscious effort to clean up my living space and my habits—especially since I’ve had kids—in the name of feeling better and taking care of our bodies and minds the best we can.

Finally, I know this conversation can feel loaded, because “cleaner” options often cost more and take more time to figure out. I’ve been able to make these changes slowly over the years, and I recognize that’s a privilege. This isn’t a checklist—it’s just a peek into what I’ve changed when and where I can.

If you’re not interested, just skip this one—I’ll be back next week. <3 If you are into it, read on!

Kitchen

Teflon → Cleaner options : I was a huuuuuge fan of non-stick Teflon for many years. And now we know Teflon…isn’t great. But what’s a girl to do when her children love scrambled eggs?

First, I heat the pan dry, then add a very generous glug of olive oil and butter, and cook with either this Staub (obsessed with the color) or this Misen2. Misen is made from nitrided carbon steel, coating-free, and goes from the stovetop to oven up to 1100 degrees. (Fun fact: I actually had a Misen pan on my Christmas list this year and they reached out to send one over! Fate! Use code NICOLE15 for 15% off your order.)

Plastic cooking utensils → silicone: I’m pretty sure all of my first kitchen utensils were that black plastic that’s gotten the bad press. Over the past decade, I’ve swapped all of my plastic for silicone. My favorite egg spatula and best utensil for scraping bowls clean.

Coated Calphalon pots and pans → stainless steel: My 2014 wedding registry was filled with black-coated Calphalon. Now when I need a pot, I’m a stainless steel girl, specifically All Clad. I’ve been slowly building out my collection over the years and have a soup pot and a mid-sized saucepan. I’ve been eyeing this cutie for approximately 10 years, which would be perfect for the single serving of pasta with butter I sometimes make for my pickiest eater.

Cookie sheets: Again, instead of coated, I’ve switched to basic aluminum trays. I do need a refresh because they’ve warped and they scratch easily, so eyeing these. (They’re $$$ though—which I think will even out if they last for a few years—but please LMK if you own them!)

Baking/casserole pans: I exclusively use ceramic or glass. This is my prettiest one, this is my workhorse, and this is a perfect 8x8 that looks like new—12 years old and counting.

Dish soap: I do keep a stockpile of Dawn dish soap to make giant bubbles for my kids (it’s really incredible—6-foot-long bubbles!), but for actual dishwashing, I use unscented. My favorite is this for both level of suds (I like a lot) and efficacy.

Kitchen spray: I randomly got this last year because it was on sale at Sprouts and my husband—who does not comment on things that don’t wow him—independently declared it his favorite cleaning product.

The packaging is beautiful, the smell is insanely good (like an old-fashioned lemon drop went to the spa) and it refreshes the kitchen so well. (As mentioned a few months ago, I still swear by this tool for tough dried-on “Is that a smoothie drip from yesterday or is that old batter, I’m not sure” spills.)

Water filter: Yes, I drank only tap water growing up (and apparently my sister drank none LOL). But, our water in the Philly area isn’t great and until we get reverse osmosis or something like that, we use this pitcher. We’ve had it for four or five years and it’s still going strong.

Pantry

Some swaps I’ve made for the most basic pantry items. For produce, I’ve found the Dirty Dozen and Clean Fifteen lists super helpful. If something is on the Clean Fifteen, I’ll buy it conventional.

Bleached all-purpose flour → Organic unbleached all-purpose flour, I like King Arthur.

Iodized salt → Kosher salt (for salting water) and Redmond’s fine pink salt for baking.

Fruit snacks → That’s It fruit bars, Solely fruit strips, Annie’s fruit snacks (I know their nutritional value is marginal—if any—but swapping out high-fructose corn syrup just makes me feel better…)

White rice → Lundberg Organic (I get the California one when it’s available for the lowest arsenic levels).

Seed oils → Avocado oil (for high heat), organic butter or olive oil for everything else.

Bedrooms

taught me to start with the room I spend the most consistent time in, which for most people, will be their bedroom. I did NOT “clean up” my room all at once—it took a couple of years because we’re on a budget, y’all.

Mattress: I love this mattress, not to soft, not too firm. One of my girlfriends did an extensive search on clean mattresses and this was the best combination of cost and level of clean according to her findings. We’ve had it for four years now and it’s still in excellent shape.

Sheets: These organic cotton percale (summer) are somehow crisp and insanely soft at the same time. For winter, these flannel are my go-to, and for our topper, we have this in blush.

Air filter: Four years ago, we bought air filters for each bedroom. We have this one in a couple different colors because it’s aesthetically pleasing and was rated well by Consumer Reports, according to my husband. These are the things we care about now! LOL.

Bathrooms

Shower filter: I haven’t purchased one for our most recent house, so adding to the list, but another special. I’ve found shower filters to help enormously with hard water (ours is very hard) and I also just feel better knowing things are being filtered out of the water I’m submerging my body’s largest organ (skin!) in.

I purchased this one in 2022 but left it at our old house—it’s only $16 and really helped the water pressure, too.

Shampoo: This one is a bit of a struggle as I have a chronically irritated, flaky scalp. I’ve sworn by this French clean-leaning scalp scrub for a decade and recently stocked up in Paris. I’m on the lookout for a good basic shampoo though and am dying to try this after listening to an interview with the founder. And why haven’t I picked up this cult favorite yet? (Editor’s note: both on sale until 4/20!)

Body: I spent my late teens and early twenties a devotee of Dove’s body wash with those little blue beads until we learned that those beads are, in fact, terrible for our marine friends and oh—so are parabens and sulfates and all the stuff that makes those wonderful suds.

Since then, I’m relatively brand agnostic when it comes to cleaning my body, but currently have this one* and it’s lovely with notes of peppermint and herbs, thanks to Australian essential oils. Used it this AM to shave my legs and it worked great!

Looking to try: I’ve been very curious about this in-shower moisturizer since I heard the founder on a podcast ep. (Editor’s note: on sale until 4/20!) My skin has gotten drier and drier with each passing year—maybe because my getting-ready time is scarce, so I end up skipping post-shower moisturizing, and thus, have ashy, dry mom legs to show for it.

Lotion: Loved this recap from of Plant Based. As noted above, I’ve not found my holy grail body moisturizer, so will be trying some of her favorites if I can convince myself to take 3 minutes post-shower.

I do want to mention that I went through a phase of mixing up my own body scrubs which negated the need for post-shower lotion (organic sugar+coconut oil+lemon), but they tended to mess with the plumbing and even the most luxurious lotion costs less than a plumber visit.

Period care: I’ve waxed poetic about menstrual cups before and still stan. But, for some reason after I had my last baby and got my period back, I’ve been gravitating toward pads3. These are hands down, the very best, and even give a quick hit of lavender when opened. I’ll take any “spa-like” feeling on my period TYVM.

They’re organic and soft and just SO much better than the Kotex and Always pads of the 90s and 2000s. They come in many different absorbencies and lengths and some are even infused with peppermint oil for a cooling effect down there—welcome relief when you’ve got cramps.

Laundry

I’ve used a version of these in place of dryer sheets for the past 12 years. (Have I accidentally used faux poly snowballs instead because I made an impulse purchase at Marshalls over the holidays one year? Also yes.)

Instead of Tide, I use these4, a nice change from a drippy cup of detergent.

I don’t have a good stain remover, so please share your favorites in the comments! And yes, I’ve tried the one that everyone loves and it just does nothing to my children’s stained clothing. (We also have a washer from pre-2000, so it could be that, LOL.)

Beauty

This is the category that has gotten the biggest overhaul in my life over the past decade. I’ve written about a lot of them before, but thought I’d pull them all together in one spot. If you’ve overwhelmed, just go one item at a time. It’s not an “all or nothing” thing!

ICYMI: Sephora is having their annual sitewide sale until 4/20. Most of these products can be found there if you’re looking to save some $$$.

For longer lashes - mine are short, fine, straight and this gives them a lift and length.

For the glowiest skin [daytime]

• First I spray this which I’m obsessed with. It makes it easier to smooth in all the next products.

• I smooth a few drops of this into my skin.

• Then mix this and this together. I panic when the oil runs out—think I’m on my 8th bottle or something—and yes, I know the cream is for nighttime, but my skin needs to be quenched.

• For SPF, I love this; it’s wonderfully creamy and it literally feels like my skin sighs in happiness when I use it. Is that weird? It’s true.

• Next is this concealer which covers beautifully, but still leaves me dewy.

• To even everything out, I use this (I get compliments on how I smell when I wear this, weirdly enough—it’s chock full of essential oils) or this (also has SPF which we all know keep our skin looking nice).

• For a pop of color, I dab on this in Bichette, which I’ve used for 5+ years and this for a little natural glow. (I’ve tried nearly every clean highlighter on the market and it’s a real winner!)For nighttime

For the glowiest skin [nighttime]

• I remove my makeup with this. It’s not cheap, but it smells so good, doesn’t sting my eyes, and actually works—just ordered another jar that’s en route. (Other similar options I like are here and here — I prefer unscented.)

• Then I use the same from the AM—this and this together. (The oil is a favorite of Danna from Noy Skincare if you follow her!)

For toothpaste, I’ve used this for several years which has a fluoride alternative (it’s super popular in Japan). SUPER minty and not sweet, which feel fresher to me.

This is my favorite floss of all time; gross, but plaque sort of just sticks to it.

I’m in need of some excellent spot treatments though. I know lasers and things that go deeper than the skin blah blah blah, but I don’t have room in the budget, so a serum or something will have to do. PLEASE ADVISE!

What have I missed, friends? How have you made your life a little lower-tox? I’d love to hear.

Links may be affiliate (Amazon + ShopMy), which just means I earn a small commission if you buy—no pressure, no extra cost, and only things I actually use and love. Thank you for helping support this little newsletter (with big dreams).

Thank you so much for reading Double Dutch. It truly means the world. For more, follow along on Instagram. Connect on LinkedIn. Let’s work together. Buy me a coffee!

Need a place to start? Check out everyone’s favorites: ✨ Motherhood Series ✨20+ Hacks Your Grandmother Probably Used ✨ The Ultimate Baby Registry List ✨ How I’m Traveling to Paris for $368 ✨ 3 Easy Dinners I Make Every Week ✨ Exactly What to Bring New Moms ✨ #RealTalk: I Wasn’t Cool, Would We Have Been Friends?

A few years ago, I was visiting home from the East Coast, eating Sunday dinner with my parents. If you live in a Dutch-influenced corner of the Midwest like I grew up in, this means you’re having roast beef, mashed potatoes with gravy, carrots doused in an ungodly amount of butter, and dessert…probably pie.

Oh, and it’s actually noon, but you call lunch dinner—but only on Sundays.

Never one to decline a home-cooked meal, my grandpa joined us, still in his Sunday best. He was 82 at the time, but so much younger at heart. At 80, he was hauling shingles on a friends’ roof until my mom forbade him from doing that anymore.

Over pie, I asked how old he actually felt.

“Oh honey,” he chuckled, then leaned in. His fork held a perfect bite of rhubarb pie and vanilla ice cream. He dropped his voice to a stage whisper: “I feel like I’m a 12 year-old boy, that’s what I feel like inside here,” he said, patting his chest, right by his heart.

“And then I look in the mirror and am surprised to see an old man.”

I think about that Sunday often, especially with my own milestone birthday this past year. I’m 40 years old and eeeeek, it still makes me squirm when I type it or say it out loud. Maybe it’s because I vividly remember when my parents turned 40. I was in 5th grade and let me tell you: THEY WERE FREAKING OLD.

In case you’re new here, I recently wrote about the plethora of jobs I held growing up and my inner drive. Drive, in my opinion, can very much be birthed from need rather than something innate, and that’s what happened in my case, beginning around high school. If I wanted Abercrombie & Fitch track pants, I was going to have to finance that swishy pair myself.1

I won’t bore you with the details of my climb up the so-called ladder once I landed my first “real” job post-college.

To be honest—and I’ve held quite a bit of shame about this for years—it was less of a ladder and more of a balance beam situation. The beam was slightly angled up, sure. There were times I moved up a step or two, but my salary barely budged. There were times I got a larger salary bump, but my title stayed the same. Two steps forward, one step back.

Then, I finally took the sage advice I’d refused to believe for somewhere around a decade: In order to make more money, you have to leave your job.

I hate to break it to you, but it’s true. Sure, there are the anomalies—I had a cousin who gave her notice and she was immediately offered a $60K raise and $20K signing bonus, but those stories are outliers, my friends. After leaving my stagnant role (without being begged to stay, hahaha) and taking on a new role, I increased my salary by over 100%.2

By then, I was a new mom and often mulled over what one of my former managers, now friends, told me when she became a mom.

“Listen, I don’t need a “cool” company anymore. That was for my 20s and pre-mom days. If my job is fine and I’m getting paid what I want to be paid, I’m happy.”

I carried that mentality for a few years myself—through building my family and having two more kids. Don’t get me wrong, I still worked hard, but being able to hop off a call to take my child to the pediatrician or pick them up from the bus trumped any dreams of climbing. Up until last year, I was perfectly happy to coast during such a physically-needy part of my children’s lives.

Aaaaand if you’ve been reading Double Dutch for a while, you’ll know that spoiler alert: I was laid off.

Then something surprising happened:

That girl who wanted to coast disappeared. And I entered my Hustle Era™.

The fire had always been there, I suppose. Over the past decade and a half, I’ve gone to great lengths to try and catch the attention of companies I wanted to work for.

I once took apart a Glossier shipping box, rebranded it all to represent me, filled it with homemade Nutella-stuffed cookies and beauty pieces I’d written, and overnighted it to NYC.

The gesture didn’t get me a job, but it did result in a very kind email from Helen Steed, the creative director at the time. Something she said about being a good manager on Into the Gloss has stayed with me all those years ago—and was one of the reasons I wanted to work there:

But I digress. Back to the fire that suddenly overtook me.

My hustle coals were rarely stoked the past ehhh, 8 years or so because mom-ing is tiring and you don’t get a lot of sleep and making dinner is the equivalent of running a 5K at a full sprint.

Once it was suddenly all up to me AND I started to see that a different sort of career was available, I realized I was actually hungry to build.

Instead of the ladder-climbing career I’d felt was the only choice when I entered the workforce nearly two decades ago, I started dreaming up a career built upon the many things I was good at. There’s no ladder, no ceiling, just open skies.

After years of being siloed into one thing, I began to realize there’s a world in which going outside my lane is okay, even welcomed.

The only example I can think of to describe what I’m trying to build is a mix CD c/o LIMEWIRE 2001. A little Britney, a track from the Coyote Ugly soundtrack, something from Celine, of course—you get the gist.

But let me just name the (baby) elephant in the room:

For the first time in my life, I CRAVE working.

I often think about how much I could get done if I started working at 5AM and didn’t have to make breakfast and put tiny feet into tiny socks and shout, “Did you grab a snack?!” 300x before 8AM.

What I could accomplish without a hard stop at 4PM for the bus stop and 5PM for the babies. If I could only have cheese and crackers for dinner at my desk, if my nights didn’t include diaper changes and breaking up arguments and “just one more book.”

However, that’s not my reality. And if I’m being honest, it’s one of the most frustrating parts of being a working mom who has a newfound vigor for her work.

I do my client work during the day…but I’m also trying to grow my social media channels (@nicolemprince follow me!!) and need to storyboard my ideas to create Reels et al., and don’t even get me started on TikTok. Guys, 9pm is a reallyyyyy hard time to reboot the computer and that’s what I’m working with (at time of writing this letter, it’s 10:25 PM).

It should go without saying, but I do want to make something crystal clear.

This has nothing to do with the amount of love I have for my children. Or my desire to be a mom. I adore my kids. I love being around them and kissing their cheeks and making them laugh. I love snuggling them after their baths and hearing their breathing slow as they get sleepy. There’s nothing that’s more rewarding than when your kid spots you in the audience at their 2PM Thursday concert and beams.

I would do anything for them—I’d take a bullet. I’d go to the ends of the earth for them. This struggle isn’t a lack of love. It’s just that I’ve found something later in life that I want to pour the passion and energy of my 20-something self into.

But I’m not 20. I’m 40 and (according to what I remember at age 10 when my parents turned 40)…older than dirt.

Like my grandpa, I feel so much younger than what I actually am. Inside, in here (places hand to heart), I feel the vigor and intoxicating excitement of a new grad stepping into a no-homework world.

Lots of my mom friends say something to the effect of “And I don’t want to miss a thing.”3

I understand that. I’m not actively trying to miss my kids’ childhoods. Motherhood is the most important part of my life. But it’s not my ENTIRE life. Contrary to what it may seem, excellent mothers and ambitious women aren’t mutually exclusive.

There’s not an “answer” to all of this or a nicely tied-up conclusion. Being in my Hustle Era™ is a tension I struggle with on an hourly basis. I really want to finish this essay. But the baby woke up from her nap. I just need an hour to figure out the storyline. But someone needs help with homework.

I’m not looking for answers. I know, I KNOW it all goes so fast. I know that childhood is the blink of an eye and work will always be there, etc. etc.

There’s no question that becoming a mother has consistently been the most cherished gift I’ve been given in this life. It’s a title I wear proudly and with deep, tremendous gratitude.

But I wear other titles too: writer, friend, creative, wife, dreamer.

I truly believe I was made to create and build and WRITE for lots and lots of people. I believe I am designed to change the world in some small way that isn’t directly related to mothering. Does anyone else feel this too? Or maybe you’re not a mom, but life is busy and you’ve over the age of 35, and sometimes you wonder if it’s too late.

If there are other moms out there in their Hustle Era™, please raise a hand. I’d love to connect and hear how you’re grappling with it.

Thank you so much for reading Double Dutch. It truly means the world. For more, follow along on Instagram. Connect on LinkedIn. Let’s work together. Buy me a coffee!

Need a place to start? Check out everyone’s favorites: ✨ Motherhood Series ✨ The Ultimate Baby Registry List ✨ How I’m Traveling to Paris for $368 ✨ 3 Easy Dinners I Make Every Week ✨ Exactly What to Bring New Moms ✨

However, said list is scattered across my life: various Notes on my phone, jotted in spiral notebooks, loose 8.5 x 11 sheets stuck to the fridge. But most of all, this list looms large every single morning as I huff and puff to myself while trying to find SOMETHING TO WEAR.

This post is my attempt at making the getting dressed part of my life a little less stressful and bad mood-inducing. I based it off my own personal friction points which you may relate to a lot or just a little. I’m not a fashionista—I just want to feel good and effortless…and have it actually be effortless.

Please note that I’m really letting you into my psyche here and unveiling the sometimes weird ways I dress as a freelancer/remote solopreneur and even peeking into my undies drawer. I hope that I find some fellow friends who say, “I get this!” or “I don’t get this, but don’t think it’s weird.” LOL.

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So without further ado welcome to yesterday morning, where I woke up at 6am after hitting snooze 8X.

I pad my way to the bathroom, hunched over in cold because it’s frigid in our 1970s home that’s basically all glass—and I’m wearing a worn-out t-shirt and underwear.

Friction point #1: “My feet are always freezing, regardless of the weather.”

It’s not just a sock situation, it’s a sock-and-slipper situation. I carry a blanket around the house like I’m a toddler and must have my ankles fully covered by socks at all times, plus slippers.

I currently wear these which held up after daily wear for over three years. But today, nearly all the cushion is gone and the shearling is matted and my feet are so cold by the time I go to bed, I have to wrap them up in my sweatpants with my heated mattress topper on high until I fall asleep. Three hours later, I will wake up with warm feet, but drenched in sweat and strip off the sweatpants!

My picks: Slip-on slippers / Extra-fuzzy / The ONLY socks that truly keep you warm

Friction point #2: “Where is my freaking underwear!”

I leave the bathroom and walk over to my dresser. Because our 1997 dryer just broke (new one arriving tomorrow!) and I build Laundry Mountain on the regular in my house, my underwear drawer is embarrassingly…empty.

I find only uncomfortable thongs I never wear and maternity underwear where the crotch liner has come loose (Don’t judge! I’m gradually throwing it away as I wear it!)

I’ve written about underwear before and still really like these. They’re cotton and easy and I get them all in one color to make life easier. But the one thing I don’t love is they have a panty line that’s especially visible if you still adhere to the Gospel of Leggings like I, an elder millennial, do. I’ve heard these no-show cotton ones are great and will be ordering them as soon as I finish writing. I also really like these from the brand that everyone on Substack loves—their sheer bralette is indeed excellent, but I do recommend sizing down one size.

My picks: Everyday cotton / No-show cotton / Very popular and slightly sexier

Anyway, back to getting dressed while shivering in my worn slippers, tee, and holey underwear.

Friction point #3: “I want something cozy that still looks presentable (read: I could run an errand in it).”

I spent most of last year on a spending freeze since I was laid off, and the year before that we bought a house, and the year before that because I had a baby, and the year before that because fertility treatments. I mean do parents every really feel flush with cash? LOL.

What sounds really good for my dressing mood today is a lounge set, but my newer Uniqlo one is dirty and all my other lounge items are from pre-kids and 15 lbs ago or maternity.

So I text my very stylish-yet-Midwest-casual girlfriend. I ask for sweatshirts and sweatpants recommendations that aren’t Donni or Buck Mason because they will inevitably become a walking tissue for my children or get covered in oil splatters while I’m frantically cooking during witching hour. She recommends Gap, sizing up one size, and I order immediately in gray.

My picks: Pants I ordered / Sweatshirt I ordered / The one that’s taking the fashion girlies by storm / Another one that won’t stay in stock / On sale and looks excellent

Friction point #4: “Long-sleeved tshirts that look good under sweaters and solo!”

Yes, I’m still standing in my underwear. And I still need something to wear TODAY, so after all of that mental gymnastics and closet frustration, I break out some old, truly frumpy XL Madewell sweatpants I wore through two of my pregnancies (mental note to change before I go to my son’s lacrosse practice later), a thin cashmere blend shirt (because I’m still cold), and a thrifted men’s crewneck sweater.

I try to get my shirt to peek out from the sweater neckline like the cool girls and remember the perfect white one my friend Jen just posted about. The price is a little out of range for me who owns zero similar styles ATM, so I screenshot one short-sleeve version at Arket and one at J.Crew and hope I remember to put them into my phone’s outfit album.

My picks: The one I really want / On sale for $29 / Short sleeves

Friction point #5: “I want denim, but don’t love the barrel look.”

I’m annoyed at my (lack of) outfit, so I text one of my friends whose day job is in fashion and tell her I need denim advice.

She asks “Dressy, casual, white, indigo?” to which I reply, “Just like regular jeans to wear in regular life lol.”

She does not disappoint and comes back with four excellent styles that work for my barrel adversion and 5’2” stature:

Paige Anessa (an easy slim wide)

Mother Rambler (another easy slim wide)

Levi’s Premium 501 ‘90s Ankle (less $$!)

Lexi Mid Rise Bowed Straight Jean Petite (in any wash)

I ask her how short I should get them hemmed given my 5’2” height and she says “Get Anessa Crop, you won’t need to hem and same with Rambler. And Pistola should be okay, too! Ankle or flood length. Full length is v in but hard to wear every day.”

My picks linked above!

Friction point #6: “My buttondowns are all a little dingy.”

While I have her on the line, I ask her something I’ve been wondering given that many of my buttondowns were purchased while pregnant or are going on several years old.

I ask: “Are we in agreement that J.Crew Etienne is the best oversized buttondown”

“I own 3” is her answer. Sold. We also agree that monogramming the cuff is the chicest option, too.

My picks: The one in question / Stripes!

As I work on some of my client work once I make it to my office in my strange outfit, I remember that I have professional photos scheduled for the end of April and need to think about what I’m going to wear.

Of course I’ll shop my closet, but as you may see, I probably need to buy a couple things. Which brings me to…

Friction point #7: “Where to find non-denim-but-still-easy pants?”

For my photos, I’ll definitely have a jean moment, but also want a slightly less casual outfit, too. A power suit is not my thing and I really want the Donni Silk Pants (Navy! Gah!), but guys, I just can’t justify the nearly $500 price tag.

In a totally different type of pants moment, I’ve long admired the Anine Bing trousers which could pair with everything from a buttondown to a tshirt to a cashmere sweater, so looking at dupes and the actual pair. reignited my search recently after posting an effortlessly chic look.

Still thinking about my photos as I wrap up work and get my kiddos ready for lacrosse. I hope to do some shopping research during practice, but my grumpy toddler does not allow me to. But I DO remember to change out of my dingy sweatpants, so that’s a win in my book.

After bedtime, I collapse onto the couch and get back to browsing, this time for some thing that will help set my look apart.

Friction point #8: “My taste runs basic, so there’s a need for novelty.”

I do need some sort of fun, novelty moment for the photos, I think, so I browse silver sneakers and then red sneakers. My current sneakers are a variety of New Balance 327s which I love, but they’re getting dingy, y’all.

My picks: Red (on sale!) / Silver

Currently like the idea of a cardigan, but one with snaps so it’s less English countryside and a little more bookish. I’m a writer, so that tracks. Or a funnel neck could be a nice deviation, especially if it’s cashmere…

My picks: Cutie stripes (40% off!) / I love every color

I’ve been looking at belts for a while now, because I’ve lost a little bit of weight and my jeans actually button again. I think a belt really turns your look into an outfit, but I own exactly ZERO belts after a really intense closet purge a few years ago where I got rid of almost everything.1

Also, I don’t particularly crave a fashion house belt. Like I’d much rather save toward a Celine or Gucci bag than drop cash on their belt, ya with me?

My picks: Under $40 / Another under $40!

I go to bed (back into sweatpants, back to cold feet and my mattress topper) and get up a few hours later to wrap up this newsletter (again hit snooze 8X). It’s one of my most-browsed but least purchased friction points because it’s $.

Friction point #9: “I love nice jewelry, but it’s so darn expensive…”

I have long been dreaming of a perfect necklace stack.

I think a jumble of necklaces layered in a not-too-precious way looks really striking. Something thicker and vintage-driven, a tennis necklace (lab-grown or faux here!), and something delicate really helps break up the metals.

Bracelet stack, too. Basically, give me a jumble of jewelry and I’m golden. LOL.

My picks: Vintage / I own this one / If you’re going tennis… / Love a dog clip

Well, looks like I’ve got my shopping list for approximately the next 3-4 years. If you want to see the breakdown in my quest for a less friction-y closet, it looks something like this:

Jeans: 2 Pairs

Non-denim pants: 1 pair

Lounge pants: 2 pairs

Sweatshirts / Lounge tops: 3

Long sleeve tshirt: 3

Buttondowns: 3

Cardigan: 1

Sneakers: 1-2

Accessories: Belt, jewelry

Underwear: 10 pairs

Socks: 7 warm pairs

Slippers: 1 pair

Anyway, what am I missing? Anything you’re on the hunt for? And in case you’re curious, I will not be buying these all at once. Yes I will gladly accept gifting from brands, and will be hitting up all my favorite thrift/consignment haunts, both in-person and online because the hunt is really just so fun and I’ve not yet won the lotto.

This post contains affiliate links; I may earn a commission if you click and make a purchase, at no cost to you (and I’m SO grateful if you do!). Please know I only recommend things I absolutely love. Thank you for helping me grow Double Dutch!

Editor’s note: After I finished writing this newsletter, my Substack feed recommended a post from where she interviews her BFF Caroline DeJean, a stylist.

I audibly gasped because it was literally like they were in my brain—down to talking about closet woes creating friction, which I’d already built this post around, and instructing everyone to clean out their underwear drawer.

Her take on this is really, really helpful and includes beautiful collages and smart tips, so I highly recommend checking it out.

It also made me realize that perhaps what I’m struggling with in building a wardrobe and hating my options every single morning is actually quite universal! And also, we all need a Caroline in our life (she does personal styling appointments) and more of Odette’s excellent interviews.

Thank you so much for reading Double Dutch. It truly means the world. For more, follow along on Instagram. Connect on LinkedIn. Let’s work together. Buy me a coffee!

Need a place to start? Check out everyone’s favorites: ✨ Motherhood Series ✨ The Ultimate Baby Registry List ✨ How I’m Traveling to Paris for $368 ✨ 3 Easy Dinners I Make Every Week ✨ Exactly What to Bring New Moms ✨

Sometimes I feel like I’m shouting redundancies to the Internet. Surely people don’t want to hear this again—I GOT LAID OFF! But, then I’m reminded it takes 7X for people to recall a new-to-them brand and that most people aren’t no one is thinking about my life and career to the degree I am. Except for maybe my mom?

So yes, TL;DR: I was laid off and it was a total shock and I sobbed on camera because I was 8 months postpartum with my second baby in 12 months. (I have Irish twins!) And I bore the “health insurance burden” as I like to call it and we had bought a new house only a year ago and blah blah—you know the spiral.

But deep down below the fear, I felt the smallest glimmer of possibility.

Which was quickly squashed by my naturally scarcity-minded brain. Pretty sure I crushed a pint of ice cream that night and ordered takeout and cried some more.

I’ve been fortunate enough to work for some really cool brands and companies. You know how asks his interviewees on his podcast “How I Built This” if it was “luck” or “hard work” that made them so successful? In my case, it was mostly just hard work.

Let’s go back in time. I started babysitting when I was ten years old (yes, fifth grade which is hilarious now as myself and all my parent friends are like “Our babysitter needs to at LEAST be a senior in high school!”). I made $5 per hour at the most and it was often $2.50 because my twin sister and I were a package deal. (What can I say, I loved kids and I was non-confrontational.)

When I turned 14, I started my first “real” job working at an ice cream shop in my hometown and continued to work there for the next eight years, until I was 20. As a teenager, I often clocked 40+ hours per week in the summer, ending my shift at 11pm and heading to the nearest Applebee’s with the whole ice cream crew for 50% off apps. (I also served a former POTUS, but that’s a story for another day.)

I’d known for most of my life that I’d probably need to pay for college myself. My parents wanted to help more, but this was the early 2000s and both were laid off from their jobs over the next few years. So, throughout college, I had several part-time jobs in addition to my full class load.

I worked for a smoothie company, the aforementioned ice cream shop, MillerKnoll (Herman Miller back in the day), and my college’s Career Services office. I spent one summer weeding for a landscaping company covered in Neutrogena’s SPF 100 and raking rich people’s sand at their lakefront homes.

One winter break, I really needed more cash and did event catering at the country club, stumbling over cocktail orders. “You said…neat? Um, okay, I’ll check on that.”

I coached competitive cheerleading, interned for a marketing agency where I got a $12 lunch stipend that I’d save up for clothes and hustled and hustled. I somehow scraped together enough money to pay rent, have a little fun1, and end college with “only” $30K in debt that I paid off over the next six years.

That hustle, as much as I loathed it at times, is one of my strengths. Once an idea takes root, I will go to the ends of the earth to make it happen.

In 2008, I was fresh out of college and really wanted to work for Anthropologie. As in, it was the only place I wanted to work. It didn’t matter that I knew no one working in fashion. Or that I didn’t know what people actually did in fashion. It didn’t matter that I was working for a Bible publisher at that time either, which is probably not the place head hunters are looking for fashion recruits.

I did know that I could spend hours poring over Vogue and InStyle and trend edits and beauty columns. The idea of being on a set—whatever that was—seemed magical. I loved putting together looks with my limited budget. It made me feel alive and inspired and who doesn’t want more of that?

Around a year and a half after I graduated, I found a job I was interested in, working with the catalog team at Anthro (remember it?!) and began cold emailing people by figuring out how Anthropologie formatted their emails.

LinkedIn became my phone book and I was shameless. “I’m going to be in town. I’d love to meet,” I wrote scheduling a handful of informational interviews (there was no Philly trip planned—smoke and mirrors!). Anyone on LinkedIn who looked like they were even remotely involved with the catalog team got an email.2 Once I did score an interview, I hopped on a plane with steely resolve.

Spoiler: I got the job.

It remains one of my favorite memories—sitting in my car in the Bible publisher’s parking lot, hearing the words, “We would love to have you join the team.” I’m pretty sure I blurted out, “You don’t even have to pay me, I’d work for free.” My negotiation skills have gotten better, thankfully, but my resolve remains.

I spent the next nine years working for URBN Inc, the parent company of Urban Outfitters, Anthropologie, Free People, Nuuly, and Terrain. It remains the most creative and inspiring companies I’ve worked for. The caliber of talent, specifically in the creative fields, is bar none.

I helped launch their wedding brand into existence—a DTC, ecomm-first wedding brand which was foreign at the time—and made lifelong friends. And I went on to work for a number of other incredible retailers and brands both in-house and contract—M.Gemi, mabo, The Walking Company, Soft Surroundings, and the list goes on.

Which brings me back to Ulta Beauty3 and the layoff.

I had some really dark moments over the past year as I teased out what I wanted to do…what I was supposed to be doing. What was my comeback? Maybe I’d have to go back to weeding at a landscaper or serving ice cream in my Lake Michigan hometown (which I would honestly love, if I could work with all those friends again, the DREAM).

And on some of the really hard days, I’d think back to an incident a few years back.

You see, a few years ago, I interviewed for a role at a well-known apparel brand. I had really solid references and was referred by both current and past employees of the brand—a shoo-in sort of situation.

My final interview was with the CEO. Something seemed off from the start. She came in hot, rattling off questions with the intensity of a bull coming out of a bullpen.

She didn’t smile, barely looked me in the eye, and scoffed at my answers. “You do realize this role requires a very high level of copywriting, right?” as if I didn’t have 10 years of experience.

Surprise: I didn’t get the job.

Feedback: “Said ‘like’ and ‘um’ too much. Seemed nervous.”

Only a few weeks later, a CMO I didn’t know landed in my LinkedIn DMs. She offered me a role that paid 90% more than the position I had just been turned down for (and 5X more than my very first job at Anthropologie.).

Without her, I wouldn’t have eventually left for a role at Ulta Beauty. Without Ulta Beauty, I wouldn’t have had that really terrible layoff. Without the layoff, I really don’t think I’d be here, writing this newsletter to you, on track to match my previous salary this year, hustling as a self-employed copywriter, creator, strategist, and mom.

I hate it when people say, “Everything happens for a reason,” but I do believe that most of our experiences lay the foundation for what’s next, whether it’s a vital lesson you learned or a random skill you aquired or a big fat road block on the life you originally imagined.

✨You truly never know what’s right around the corner.✨

My journey has certainly not been a traditional arc. I was telling a friend yesterday that I feel like at 40, I’m finally hitting my stride. I have an insatiable desire to hustle hard…but I also have three kids, a husband, and am apparently losing muscle mass at an alarming pace and need to be eating copious amounts of protein and fiber.

I wish I could put on blinders and build and build, but I simply can’t. So I’m choosing to believe that I’m going to end up in the right spot, and I know you will, too.

I don’t have the answers and I don’t have a magic wand that can take away the anxiety you might be feeling or the fear or the paralysis. But I’m here to say that one year later, my outlook on what’s possible has grown exponentially. I don’t get the Sunday Scaries anymore and best of all, I’m excited for the future.

A few recommended Substack resources if you’re feeling overwhelmed as YOU rebuild:

/ Anna Mack’s Stack

/ How To Go Freelance

/ Laid Off

Take heart, my friend. My inbox is always open. x

Thank you so much for reading Double Dutch. It truly means the world. For more, follow along on Instagram. Connect on LinkedIn. Let’s work together. Buy me a coffee!

Need a place to start? Check out everyone’s favorites: ✨ Motherhood Series ✨ The Ultimate Baby Registry List ✨ How I’m Traveling to Paris for $368 ✨ 3 Easy Dinners I Make Every Week ✨ Exactly What to Bring New Moms ✨

Before you dive in, I’d be remiss not to warn you—you’re going to get hungry. I tried Cheerie Lane for the first time last year and am not exaggerating when I say that I ate the entire tin of caramel corn (a collab with Big Sur Bakery!) in one sitting. Salty, sweet, and warming, it literally melts in your mouth. And doesn’t leave your teeth stuck together like the caramel corn of our youth!

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Cheerie Lane is known for their cult-followed popcorn pods which are truly one-of-a-kind. Think: the look of molded chocolate and vibrant packaging with all the nostalgia of warm popcorn. We’ll get into them more below, but they’re one of those things that would be a perfect housewarming gift or “I don’t know what to get this person” gift because of their uniqueness. Not to mention how delicious they are. They produce the freshest, most tender, flavorful popcorn I’ve ever tried—and I’ve made a lot of popcorn.

(Be sure to read all the way to the end for instructions on the dreamiest day in San Francisco!)

Q: Hi Kate! Can you start out by sharing a little bit about who you are and what you do?

Of course! I’m the co-founder of Cheerie Lane Popcorn. I grew up in Iowa and, after over a decade in NYC, I now reside in the Bay Area with my husband and two daughters.

Day-to-day I’m mostly working on Cheerie Lane, which is transforming the way people enjoy popcorn with our all-in-one ‘popcorn pods’—a way to bring quality popcorn and the homemade popcorn experience to folks. We’re a lean and dynamic team, so I touch many facets of our business from operations and product development to marketing and retail distribution.

I always have at least one or two creative projects in the works, too. Right now, I’m making tiles for a backsplash! Both with the business and with friends, I’m surrounded by makers and creative, and we try to center that maker spirit in the ethos of how we do the popcorn business.

How it all started

Q: Bring us to the the beginnings of Cheerie Lane.

In my family, popcorn was the remedy and the reward for every life experience—with our beloved grandmother at the helm. Some of my favorite memories involve sharing deep conversations around the kitchen table. Our companion for those treasured moments was a bowl of popcorn, without fail.

I really wanted to do something connected to my Iowa roots, which for me is a unique form of warmth and also a scrappy form of innovation. Our hope was that it was also a brand that folks get excited to fold into their own treasured memories.

Q: One of the most special parts about Cheerie Lane is that the heirloom corn is grown on your fifth-generation family farm in Iowa. I love that you took something seemingly basic (corn) and turned it into such an innovative, really whimsical product.

There are pros and cons to attempting a first-of-its-format product. It took years of a lot of trial and error to get our pod to market and into what it is today!

We experimented with different shapes, bases, and methods. The result was a popcorn ‘pod’ made with heirloom kernels and cacao butter—both because of its high burning point and also for its really delicious layer of flavor. My co-founder and cousin, Brad, and I tried countless heirloom popcorn varieties because we know that, like coffee or wine, the seed type really makes a difference in taste and texture.

The pod comes together by tempering the cacao butter—it’s a similar process to making fine chocolate—to give it an even, shiny look that melts and pops evenly every time. Our ‘popcorn pods’ are part magic and part utility, transforming into a warm bowl of flavored popcorn each time.

On Motherhood

Q: Running a business as a mom is SUCH hard work and I’m forever learning from moms who are a little ahead of me on that journey. What’s a typical day like for you (if there even is one!)?

I’m on the road a lot, but when I am home, I am up between 5:30 - 6:30 am. Once or twice a week, I run before the girls wake up, often in the dark, which takes a little bravery but is rewarded with a sunrise! Then, it’s breakfast for the girls and off to the races for the school drop-offs.

I’m constantly evolving my to-do tracking, but I do hit the hard things first and then tend to do most meetings in the mornings. I’ll catch the 3-year-old for lunch and get to the more tedious matters. I often try to do school pick-up and the kids’ activities, even if it means I am the lady at gymnastics with her laptop, and I end up working late into the night or on weekends.

Q: What do you hope your kids take away from seeing you build Cheerie Lane?Time will tell, but they’re very sweet when we encounter the product in the wild! Best hype girls in a grocery store.

I do think there’s something about them seeing me in the zone, creating, whether I’m obsessing over a painting or on a particularly good team call. In a world of easy dopamine hits, keeping your personal fire going and staying motivated to do hard things that you love is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children, because it is what makes us human in the highest sense.

Creativity & Style

Q: You’re obviously a very creative and driven person. How have you continued to exercise creativity in the midst of motherhood?

Cheerie Lane keeps me creative on a daily basis, which is one of my favorite parts about being a founder. I also find that motherhood can be quite creative itself. I always try to integrate some aspect of art or creation into the activities I do with my girls–whether we’re painting or drawing, or playing together outside in nature.

Q: Tell me about your personal style. The glimpses I’ve caught feel like a blend of color, art, and joy!

As much as I aspire for the refinement of some of my close friends (, Molly Howard, Liza Voloshin!), I oscillate between paper boy from the 1940s and retired art teacher with family money–I just can’t help my love for colors and patterns.

I find the psychology of shopping and consumerism fascinating. I have a master’s in psychology, and it’s such a beautiful thing to be surrounded by things we love, but there’s also a lot of not-enoughness and waste tied up with our purchases.

This is going to sound silly, but when I’m shopping for my clothes or my house, I try to really pay attention to how the process and the object are making me feel. I definitely notice that finding the diamond in the rough of an incredible vintage piece makes me feel great! (Editor’s note: Not silly at all. Incredibly thoughtful!)

I also love finding new designers who are upping the game in the utility department and making something useful and really beautifully. I’m lucky to have McMullen Shop and HeroShop in my neck of the woods.

Q: As a Michigan-raised gal, I love a Midwest connection (ahem !). When I was researching for this interview, I came across this excerpt from another interview you did: “I get a lot of Midwestern visitors—just my cousins alone could keep a small hotel in business.” I relate with 32 first cousins! Are you Dutch, by chance? My hometown is Dutch and I know there are small pockets of similar towns across the country, including Iowa.

I am a little Dutch! Everyone wanted to be Dutch growing up just to be tangentially connected to this great tulip festival in a town called Pella. Lots of Scandinavian folks in the Midwest. 23andme says I’m some mix of Irish, Welsh, Norwegian, Finnish, and the likes. (Editor’s note: OMG, my town also has a tulip festival AND I’ve been to the Pella one! Dutch Bingo!)

The Business of Popcorn

Q: Okay, tell me more about the popcorn pods. I’ve never seen anything like them and holy cow, the popcorn they pop into is SO good. The flavor is so fresh and truly “corny” for lack of a better word.

The pods are my baby! We always gathered around a bowl of popcorn growing up and I wanted to share that sense of warmth and togetherness with others.

We decided on a stovetop pod because it makes the popcorn more of a moment—to me, getting a pan out and watching popcorn pop is such a simple pleasure in life. I find that so often, we’re all looking for instant gratification, but sometimes it serves us to take the slow route.

But don’t worry…we also know that sometimes you don’t even have a spare minute, which is why we have a microwave popper on our site and some more convenient options launching soon :)

Q: What’s your favorite way to celebrate with popcorn?

We’ve done a lot of “popcorn bars” at parties in the past, which is always fun. We have a vintage popcorn machine, which we fill with popcorn before a party and lay out classic red popcorn boxes and tons of toppings. Some fan favorites are M&M’s or ranch seasoning.

It’s also a great activity for kids’ birthday parties. We serve the popcorn in little cupcake liners and all the toppings. Popcorn is a great blank canvas!

Q: So many people struggle with gifting—whether it’s a birthday, Mother’s Day, or the holidays. I think a popcorn subscription with a framed favorite movie poster would be such an incredible gift. Or a snack-themed gift! Your incredible caramel corn, fancy pickles, mocktail mixers, some pretty ceramic bowls…

I absolutely love that idea! A go-to for me is Cheerie Lane popcorn with beautiful ceramic serving bowls. I love gifting something that my friends and family can enjoy or use in their daily lives.

We run a series on Instagram called “Night In with…” that features a bunch of tips for what makes a perfect night at home, whether that’s with friends or family or the serenity of a solo night, which could be fun to curate. Popcorn, a puzzle, cashmere socks, a record, a candle (a corn candle?!), or a really good book.

Q: I’m all about saying your hopes and dreams out loud. What are a couple of yours?

Being able to collaborate with folks has always been a big motivation, and we are only at the beginning of what we could do, as there are some great custom opportunities inherent to our format.

We’d love to partner with a sports team or organization, as sports and popcorn are such a great pairing. It would be a dream to be able to support a great movie launch!

We’ve dreamed about partnering with everyone from 7-11 to fine fashion houses, kids’ brands to brick-and-mortar activations, and everyone in between!

Q: What’s next for Cheerie Lane?

We are working on some very exciting stuff, including moving our headquarters back to Iowa (it’s San Francisco at the moment, where I live full time).

Retail is a major focus, so a lot of what we’re doing is to help grow that channel so more folks across the country can find Cheerie Lane (we’re currently available in 175 retailers).

I teased this above, but we’re also perfecting a more convenient popcorn option for on-the-go snacking to live alongside our pods.

West Coast, Best Coast

Q: You’re currently in the Bay Area, but also lived in NYC. Tell me about this progression. How did it all happen?

I lived and worked in NYC after college and established a great group of friends there. Both my husband and I are back and forth for work all the time and it’s so nice that we still have ties to the city—the energy is unmatched.

The West Coast is amazing in the sense that I have so much access to hiking and nature. I’m a big runner and I’ve recently picked up trail running with my dog!

Q: If I had one day in SF with nothing but time—and kids are with me—what should we do? What are we eating? Where are we exploring?

The plan will be highly contingent on the weather! If you get a sunny day, I would rush over to the Outer Sunset from the airport to grab a morning bite at Outerlands, pop by Case for Making to make a custom watercolor palette as a little souvenir, and then go race around on the underappreciated miles-long Ocean Beach. Just don’t get in that freezing water!

In case you’ve worked up an appetite, stop off for a snack or taco at Hook Fish, and then take the kids to the California Academy of Science, which is in an idyllic setting and very manageable as far as natural history museums go.

If you have the energy, definitely do a de Young tour next door, which can be done relatively quickly without any sacrifices as the art is A+.

There are many fun seasonal things in the park too from the famous holiday lights tour to the tulip garden to paddleboats on the pond. Post-park, I’d go to Cotogna for lunch, which uniquely checks the box for both the most picky 3-year-old and the Michelin-only adult.

The famous beat bookstore (still going strong!) City Lights is right around the corner, as is the beautiful Postscript market, the TransAmerica building (check out ICA x Lily Kwong’s Earthdome in Redwood Park) and the best of the famous Italian North Beach neighborhood.

Next, I’m going to recommend getting out of the city for the sunset, but on the way out of town, you could hit Sacramento street for the luxe boutique, McMullen, which is conveniently located across from a very cute kids’ store, Dottie Doolittle. The nearby Presidio Tunnel Tops is hard to beat as a park – it kind of looks like what a group of kids would’ve made if left to their own devices in the forest.

Now, head over the Golden Gate Bridge and into the Headlands to catch the sunset! When you’re ready to get cozy indoors, I’m loyal to Sushi Ran in a great strolling neighborhood in Sausalito for being absolutely delicious and able to accommodate my kids and huge dog.

Cavallo Point is a neat hotel right on the water underneath the Golden Gate Bridge with an incredible city view if you have decided you need another day : )

Q: Oh Kate, thank you so much for being here and sharing a glimpse of your life. I’m now planning a trip to SF in my head, craving popcorn, and thinking I should plan an Oscar’s party. Where can everyone find you?

You can find me on Instagram @kategreer, Cheerie Lane at cheerielanepopcorn.com and .

Thank you so much for reading Double Dutch. It truly means the world. For more, follow along on Instagram. Connect on LinkedIn. Let’s work together. Buy me a coffee!

Need a place to start? Check out everyone’s favorites: ✨ Motherhood Series ✨ The Ultimate Baby Registry List ✨ How I’m Traveling to Paris for $368 ✨ 3 Easy Dinners I Make Every Week ✨ Exactly What to Bring New Moms ✨

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We just got back from a 7 day, 6 night trip to Arizona. Our bags are not yet unpacked and I’m still hunting for my toiletries pouch. There’s no post-vacation glow when you have toddlers, I’ve learned.

But…I’m starting a new series on Double Dutch, Vacation Receipts, where I share our trips and out-of-pocket-costs. And how we stayed sane—because that’s the reality of a family vacation with three kids, I think.

My goal for every trip I go on, regardless of if it’s with kids or kids-free, is to be as economical AND luxurious as possible. It doesn’t always end up that way, but as someone who my husband has dubbed “a four-star and up girl,” it’s important to me. Which is also why I got into travel hacking—it’s made my luxury dreams so much more attainable.1

The Snowstorm Pivot

First off: ICYMI the East Coast got walloped with a snow storm. 11 inches where we live to be exact—which is why I found myself on the phone with American Airlines at 11:30pm on Friday night, switching our flights to 5pm on Saturday instead of Monday.

No, I hadn’t packed ahead of time—come on guys. I was busy scrolling on the couch at 8pm the night before because that’s all I have the brain power for these days. (But, the Brick is incredible when I remember to use it!)

Tim and I woke up at 5am to start packing and we were still finishing when his brother showed up at 2:30pm to bring us to the airport—which saved us ~$200 in parking. (Thanks, Chris!).

Flights: Cash Price vs. What We Paid

💸 Cash Price

PHL → PHX
$452 x 4 = $1,808

PHX → PHL
$480 x 4 = $1,924

Total cash price: $3,732

✈️ What We Actually Paid

Outbound: $34.90 total + 40,500 Atmos and American miles
Return: $34.90 total + 39,500 Atmos and American miles

Total out-of-pocket: $69.80

We started off our trip at the Chase Sapphire Lounge which I have with my Chase Sapphire Reserve Business card. It’s a hefty annual fee ($795), but we saved around $100 on lunch, drinks, and snacks. Do that a few times a year and you’re in the black. Plus, the ability to sit back with a mocktail or glass of wine while your kids go to the arcade or climb around the kid’s area is pretty fricken priceless.

We barely made it to the gate in time (I blame the arcade) and this flight was not our best showing. It was long-ish (5.5 hours) and occurred exactly over the witching hour. We both did lots of walks down the aisle with a baby girl who will remain nameless, but we made it.

Hotel Part 1: Old Town Scottsdale (Saturday–Monday)

Because we changed our flights so late, I ended up booking a hotel a couple of hours before we took off. We opted to not rent a car the first two days because the weekend prices turned our $180 rental into an $890 rental (!!) so I booked a hotel in a walkable area of Scottsdale, Old Town.

Not gonna lie, when we walked into the room, I was supremely underwhelmed. It was on the dingy side—lamp shades were stained, carpet was worn, and neither bathtub actually plugged. The vent rattled and I slept on a twin bed without moving because I have a fear of bugs. (Note: we didn’t see any bugs.)

But, the kids loved it. There was a pool and hot tub, and we could walk to the downtown area (and more importantly, Jeni’s) in 10 minutes. And, it was free! One woman asked how much it would be for a single room for two nights when I was checking in and they quoted her $450 per night. We had a two-bedroom, two-bathroom suite for $0, so really, nothing to complain about.

Hotel Part 1: Cash Price vs. What We Paid

💸 Cash Price

$450 per night x 2 = $900

🏨 What We Paid

15,000 Hyatt points per night
$0 out of pocket

Hotel Part 2 North Scottsdale (Monday–Friday)

On Monday, we moved to our hotel for the week and I will admit to breathing a sigh of relief as we drove up a gorgeously manicured entrance. The front desk gave the kids stuffed cactuses and we had valet parking which with two unruly toddlers, is a dream.

Our room was two connected rooms—one was a living area with a sofa that turned into a queen bed and the other had a king bed. 2 bathrooms and a small balcony and I was happy. The sheets were crisp and the mattress was dreamy. Did we sleep well? Well, no, LOL, but we felt pampered.

The hotel had incredibly kid-friendly pools, including one sand-bottom, zero-entry pool that was perfect for our toddlers. They were never crowded and were spaced out enough that our 8-year-old didn’t splash kids-free couples who were there to relax.

Hotel Part 2: Cash Price vs. What We Paid

💸 Cash Price

$1,965 per night x 4 = $7,860

🏨 What We Paid

44,000 Hyatt points per night
176,000 points total
$0 out of pocket

Rental Car

Monday–Friday rental: $180 (upgraded to a Mercedes SUV probably because it was kid-free Tim ha!)
Used Venture X $300 travel credit
Out of pocket: $0

Actual Out-of-Pocket Spending

Now, let’s get into the nitty gritty!

Breakfast

Comped via Guest of Honor status (up to $175/day)
We went over once.

Paid: $36 total

Dinner (6 nights)

$69.08
$59.85
$69
$80
(+ two similar nights)

Average: ~$75
Estimated total: ~$450

Lunch (6 days)

$44.82
$51.76
$25.45
$101.59
$35
(+ one similar day)

Average: ~$50
Estimated total: ~$300

Groceries (Target + Sprouts)

$100

PB&J, Greek yogurt, cheese sticks, meat sticks, applesauce pouches, etc.

Activities & Misc

Train park: $45
Gas: $45
Valet tips: $40
Five Below bribes: $35

Total Out-of-Pocket for the Week

Flights: $69.80
Breakfast overages: $36
Dinners: ~$450
Lunches: ~$300
Groceries: $100
Activities + gas + tips: ~$120

➡️ Grand total: ~$1,085 (actual cost)

For a trip that would have cost roughly:

Flights: $3,732
Hotels: $8,760
Rental car: $180
Food + misc: ~$1,000

➡️ Full cost total: ~ $13,500+

Misc. ways we saved on meals AND our sanity

• Sprouts run for bread, PB&J, Greek yogurts, cheese sticks, meat sticks for the kids; had this for lunch one day and dinner one evening for the toddlers.

• I was gifted Guest of Honor status in a Hyatt Facebook group. This gave us free valet parking, free breakfast up to $175, and access to the hotel lounge which had sparkling water, sodas, and some snacks stocked.

• Children’s melatonin IYKYK. Still had middle of the night wakeups, but they were not as bad as the first couple of nights

• Bribed good behavior with a trip to every parents’ nightmare store, Five Below. Desperate times!

• Also bribed with a pocket full of candy

• Packed pool floaties and goggles which were a hit, especially this car one

• Brought the attachment for our stroller so both littles could ride. I’ve never been asked more about it! It’s truly a lifesaver.

What I would have done differently

• Try a different hotel for the first part of our trip. It definitely worked, especially because it was such short notice, but it did put a damper on my mood due to the less-than-aesthetic vibes. I know this is a privilege and I don’t want to sound ungrateful. But also want to always be honest with y’all! I’d try Andaz Scottsdale, Palms, or even Hyatt Place Old Town which looks newer than the Hyatt House we stayed at.

• Check our stroller in a bag. It got totally shredded somehow (probably got caught on a suitcase or something) which means the resale value is shot unless I replace the shade and the handle. Note to self: always travel with a stroller bag or a large duffle it can fit into.

• Find a babysitter in the area. The trip was wonderful and also completely exhausting. A couple of hours to ourselves would have done wonders.

• Packed a light jacket which I don’t own?! Something like this.

Okay, what questions do you have? Where do you want to travel? Sound off!

Thank you so much for reading Double Dutch. It truly means the world. For more, follow along on Instagram. Connect on LinkedIn. Let’s work together. Buy me a coffee!

Need a place to start? Check out everyone’s favorites: ✨ The Ultimate Baby Registry List ✨ How I’m Traveling to Paris for $368 ✨ 3 Easy Dinners I Make Every Week ✨ Exactly What to Bring New Moms ✨

When I first started this motherhood series, I envisioned it as a relatively predictable arc:

Part 1: The first trepidatious steps into motherhood. (Motherhood Leveled Me)

Part 2: The agony of infertility, postpartum depression, and PTSD. (Motherhood Unhinged Me)

Part 3: The healing of my redemptive birth experience with my last baby. (Motherhood Saved Me)

It felt like an honest way to share my motherhood journey—and God knows I love writing a personal essay! But in the months since I wrote Part 1 and Part 2, my original essay for Part 3 has started to feel disingenuous based on my own life and what the world is like right now.

So this is a very honest account of how motherhood saved me…but so many other things too. I wrote this from my heart and publish it hesitantly. Not because I’m worried about how others respond, I am fully expecting to lose some readers today. I’m hesitant because I want this to do justice for those who are living a horrible reality right now. Did I say enough? Too much? Does this read as self-serving? In what areas am I still wildly ignorant?

I share this from an acknowledged place of tremendous privilege—employed, homeowner, citizen. This is my grappling with a lot of things that I don’t have the answers for, so I share what I’ve concluded are the next best steps I can take.

If you do decide to part ways with Double Dutch, please consider what I share with an open heart and open mind. Until we meet again. x

While it’s still true that motherhood saved parts of me, I’m also deep in a season where motherhood is totally depleting.

These days, I’m cagey, desperate for a little more time to work or an hour of silence. Can I get a bite of dinner before the food is cold? Can I pee by myself? (The answer is the millennial cry-laughing emoji.)

To be honest, there are weeks I feel like motherhood didn’t save me after all. Who came up with the title of this anyway? I actually need saving from motherhood…or a vacation far away with free childcare and no guilt.

So I overhauled this essay because I’m at a place of overwhelm and exhaustion, but even more so, I’m writing this because there have been so many mothers who have lost their babies lately.

Erika Ramos lost her kindergartener, Liam, for a week—when he was locked in a detention center.

Susan Pretti, mother of Alex Pretti, and Donna Ganger, mother of Renee Good, lost their children forever.

And so many more, that never made a headline.

When George Floyd was murdered in Minneapolis on May 25, 2020, I was grieving my own loss. Three weeks earlier, I delivered my second son, Leo, without a heartbeat, into a silent room.

I don’t remember a lot from that spring, but I do remember learning about George Floyd. I remember how my heart cracked when I read that in the midst of being murdered, he cried out for his mother.

“Mama!”

“Mama” punctuates my ears 20, 50, 100 times a day.

The low, sleepy, “Mama?” over the monitor upon waking.

The pounding on my office door while I work: “Mama, Mama, Mama.”

The obstinate “MAMA!” that accompanies a foot stomp and a scowl.

The tear-filled, “Mamaaaa,” kisses and Band-Aids making it all better.

The elated “Mama!" and giggles and crinkled eyes as we dance to Bruno Mars in our pajamas.

My husband Tim and I went out for dinner last weekend.

I sent an SOS text to my in-laws a few days earlier, asking if they could watch the kids soon. “We’re two ships passing in the night,” I wrote. “How about Sunday?” my mother-in-law wrote back.

Sunday comes and I yell at all of the kids during lunch. Someone throws a full yogurt container on the floor and I step in it. 3/3 children don’t like what I made for lunch and no one will stay in their seats.

“What’s so stinky?” my oldest asks, holding his nose.”

“It’s provolone cheese,” I hiss. (Admittedly, it’s especially pungent, but I will not tell him that.)

I sag into a chair while the kids sip smoothies that I rage-blended after the cheese comment and bury my head in my hands, glaring at my husband shoveling outside.

I don’t see his physical labor or the path that was finally emerging after a week beneath snow and ice. I see peace and quiet. The workout he’s getting as my butt visibly sags due to its lack of exercise.

“Must be nice to not be inside wrangling three small children,” I think.

“You happy, Mama?” my two-year-old asks.

“No, mama isn’t happy. Mama is tired,” I sigh.

On the way to dinner, I gave short one-word answers to Tim. “Yup, nope, mm-hmm.”

Tears slip from the corners of my eyes as I scoop hummus onto a warm pita and try to explain why I’m so angry. I feel the sideways glances of the table next to us—two 60-something-year-old couples on a double date. I wish I was part of their conversation, which is decidedly more fun.

“Yeah, we booked St. Thomas for April, but it depends on when the grand baby arrives,” I overhear one of the wives say. “I paid $300 more per night to get a refundable room.”

I dab under my eyes, trying to catch any mascara smudges and sniff loudly.

The couples’ vacation talk turns to TV shows. One of the husbands lowers his voice. “Have you guys watched that show? Uh, Heated Rivalry?”

Tim listens. He reminds me we’re in the most physically demanding phase of parenthood right now.

I admit that I’m lonely—an extrovert who works for myself, from home—shut in my office all day. I’m building a business and raising three kids. Any free time activities, a quick yoga class, coffee with a friend are plagued by guilt.

Many of you know I’m a proud Michigander. We go back every summer and it’s idyllic in so many ways. Tons of my family still lives there and I adore seeing my cousins and friends from growing up. I love Lake Michigan and Midwest kindness and the fact that the sun doesn’t set until 10pm in the summertime. I love the corn and the blueberries (sorry, but New Jersey corn and blueberries are garbage, you guys).

My hometown is very conservative—an evangelical pocket of Dutch Protestants. My youth was peppered with pro-life sermons. In high school, I wrote an impassioned paper about the rights of an embryo. My twin sister and I are the products of an unwanted pregnancy; if abortion had been an option, you may not be reading these words.

As I got older, I started to see life as less black and white.

Does fighting to save a child depend on the country they’re from?

Is it contingent on having the right papers?

Does the worth of a life end at a certain age?

The New Yorker recently published an interview with the Reverend Dan Groody, a Catholic priest and professor of theology at Notre Dame. He said (I’m shortening for length here),

“As I began to look more closely at the Scriptures and other places, I recognized that Jesus himself was a migrant. Jesus himself was a refugee.”

“When I spend time speaking to migrants at borders around the world, I often ask them, What is it that you would want people to hear? Or if you could preach on Sunday, what would you want people to know? And often it’s about dignity. It’s about saying, We’re human beings here, and you’re treating us like we’re dogs.”

Where are the people who stand outside Planned Parenthood chanting about the right to life?

Where’s the poster-holding woman who stood outside my OB’s office for my entire last pregnancy? Are they equally enraged about Liam? Do their hearts bleed for the humans who have died held in detention centers? Because they were once babies too.

Motherhood has saved me from compliance. It’s made me more passionate, more unapologetic,

Motherhood has made me simultaneously more tender and more furious. It has sharpened my empathy and shortened my tolerance for apathy. It’s why I leave voicemails for my senator, asking to defund ICE, even as I stumble over the script.

Motherhood means when I see images of Liam Conejo Ramos in his infamous blue bunny hat, I see my own toddler in his beloved Paw Patrol mittens.

I hear about things like Kavanaugh Stop and feel a sense of relief—and then guilt for my relief—that my half-Korean children are white-passing.

There’s this tension inside of me, and maybe it’s inside you, too: my small, privileged worries stacked against the real, devastating ones playing out around us. Summer camp sign-up stress and deportation raids. Worries of too much screen time and children sleeping on concrete floors. My exhaustion from a title I was desperate for, Mama, and a grieving mama, lowering her child into the ground.

They feel incompatible and my sorting through it feels murky and clumsy.

Crying in a restaurant because you’re lonely and tired and touched out doesn’t mean you aren’t also outraged about what’s happening in this country. Caring about your own life doesn’t disqualify you from caring deeply about others. It’s not wrong to want rest, a vacation, new boots.

What does feel wrong is sensing the wrongness and staying still.

Motherhood didn’t give me a neat redemption arc. It’s messy and it changes constantly. But to me, “Mama” is both a comfort and a call to show up.

If you’re wondering what to do next, here’s what I’m doing right now:

• Calling my senator. It takes under two minutes. You leave a voicemail and they tally it. It matters more than you think. (Here’s a script you can read!)

• Donating when I can. Small amounts really do help. Mutual aid funds, bail funds, family reunification orgs—they all run on regular people giving regular money.

• An excellent site with verified places to support Minnesota.

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Thank you so much for reading Double Dutch. It truly means the world. For more, follow along on Instagram. Connect on LinkedIn. Let’s work together. Buy me a coffee!

Need a place to start? Check out everyone’s favorites: ✨ The Ultimate Baby Registry List ✨ How I’m Traveling to Paris for $368 ✨ 3 Easy Dinners I Make Every Week ✨ Exactly What to Bring New Moms ✨

We’re squarely in that phase of winter where the days feel like an endless stretch of grey—the sky, the mood, the slush on the streets. Despite having grown up in a winter tundra where driving through a blizzard was just an ordinary Tuesday, I lost my ability to withstand the bitter cold after moving to the East Coast 16 years ago. For a long time, January and February just felt like months I had to endure while Googling “cheap Caribbean vacation.”

I’m not exactly sure how it happened, but over the past couple of years, I’ve come to really love long, cold winter days. It might be because I’m a tired mom? It’s dark by 5 PM, which means dinnertime is upon us…which means it’s almost the kiddos’ bedtime—admittedly my favorite time of day.

It could have been that book “There’s No Such Thing As Bad Weather.” I’m endlessly repeating that phrase to whomever will listen, buuut confession: I haven’t actually read it. Those descriptions of Scandinavian strollers parked outside restaurants with bundled-up babies sound asleep really get me though.

Have you ever grumpily walked outside to run an errand, shoulders hunched against the cold, head down—only to find 20 minutes later, your blood is circulating nicely, your shoulders are relaxed, and your brain feels just a little more alert?

I guess it’s all to say: long winter days can actually be really lovely. But, you have to know how to make them lovely, which has taken me a couple of decades—more on that coming up.

As an elder millennial, I grew up in the heyday of figure skating greats like Kristi Yamaguchi, Michelle Kwan, Nancy Kerrigan, and Tara Lipinski. While I wasn’t gifted with traditional athletic abilities (cue going hard to bump a volleyball and air bumping instead), I could hold my own on skates and dreamed of having an ice rink to glide around in.

Living in Michigan meant a LOT of snow, but not that many snow days. Anything under 6-inches was merely a dusting a la Miranda Priestly waving off the hurricane as, “It’s just drizzling!”

But every now and then, the cold fronts and easterly winds and lakefront snow (not a meteorologist, clearly) collided in such a way that we were actually snowed in. The pure elation of turning on the 6AM newscast and seeing your school name on the school closure ticker tape!

In 4th grade, right before dawn, my mom tip-toed into my twin sister and my room. “You can keep sleeping,” she whispered. “You have a snow day.” I groped around for my oversized, speckled, wire-rimmed glasses, pulled my curtain open, and peered outside. The world was quiet. Chunky snowflakes tumbled from the sky, adding to snowdrifts already knee-high. Something glinted in the backyard. I squinted… ice!

An ice storm had transformed our entire backyard into a skating rink overnight. Thick sheets of ice sparkled as the sun rose and my sister and I laced up our ice skates (a triumphant summer garage sale find from our very thrifty grandmother).

In our puffy coats and fleece headbands and neck warmers, we were swans, dramatically stretching our arms wide as we glided over the ice, attempting small jumps and camelbacks for hours.

As the day wore on, our little brother joined us with his own pair of garage sale skates, and our rink got more and more scuffed with blade lines, making it feel even more authentic. At one point, we went inside to put on makeshift leg warmers (aka Mom’s socks) for an even more rink girlie experience. We eventually called it quits late into the evening and the next day, our personal rink was no longer.

But 30 years later, the wonder and pinch-me joy I felt that icy day stays with me. My second grader has been a snow bunny ever since we put him on skis at three years old. Every time it snows here in Philly, and he’s nearly vibrating with excitement, I remember how magical snow really is.

“But…how do I fall in love with the cold?” you might be asking.

Listen, I am not an optimist at heart. I am, by nature, a glass half-empty sort of gal, so when I say I get it, I really get it. Being cold sucks, especially when it’s windy and sleeting and you’re outside your car, trying to get a wiggly toddler buckled into their car seat. Sometimes being the adult in the situation is really lame.

But there are a few things that have really elevated my winter experience and attitude toward the cold. It’s really quite a random assortment of products and rituals and things to stock your home with. Whether they work for you or not is largely dependent on your tolerance for the cold (I run very cold), and skin type and what feels good to you. And I should also mention that all of these things are also beautifully supported by my daily SSRI. I’ve got no shame in that game!

So take from this what you need, leave what you don’t. And without further ado, my holy grail to survive—even thrive!—in wintertime.

A Winter Magic List

Home

• Candles all the time: Beeswax taper candles in the kitchen because I don’t like my candle scent to mix with my cooking aromas! For all other rooms, I like a clean-ish scented candle, but am not devoted to a particular brand. It’s the soft amber glow that matters!

• Heavy throws in every room of the house. It’s very important that they have weight. A cotton blanket just doesn’t do it. Note that luxurious doesn’t have to mean expensive! I’ve found great blankets at Marshall’s! In fact, I regret not buying this one when I saw it for $49.99 a couple months ago.

• Record player. I love Apple Music as much as the next person, but there’s something about an old school record playing while it’s snowing. Just can’t get those same vibes in the summer!

• An excellent mug and a mug warmer. I prefer a mug to a travel coffee container, but I can barely drink two sips before it’s cold. Just ordered this mug warmer because of its thousands of reviews and it's NOT cute, but works great for $17. This mug is exactly what I look for: lovely hand feel, weighted, and handcrafted.

• Space heater for your most-visited room. My office got the addition of this recommended space heater (both my sister and swear by it) and it has transformed it into the coziest room in the house.

• Books that elevate winter. I adore Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by Katherine May and think that Little House in the Big Woods—particularly the chapter on snow candy—is always magical.

  

Clothing

• 2-3 thick sweaters in either cashmere or wool. Buy one a year or as your budget allows. It’s worth buying one good one than 3-4 subpar poly-blend sweaters that will fall apart and leave you itchy. I received this cozy one for Christmas and ordered this cashmere one in gray on super sale after seeing it on someone. Brushed Shetland wool sounds very warm and has me intrigued. I’ve had my eye on something here for years and have on very good authority that they are worth every penny.

• Sweater pants. I have one pair from Zara that are six years old and still as good as new. I bought them because the Lauren Manoogian double-knit trousers were still are very much outside of my budget. On really cold days, I wear machine washable tights underneath. Paired with a chunky sweater, they are so chic and no one can argue with an elastic waistband.

• Weatherproof coat you love. I am taking suggestions on this because while I do have a coat I love (going on six years with this—cost per wear is pennies), it’s decidedly not weatherproof. Please share!

• Excellent gloves. We went to Switzerland and France a few years ago in the winter and did some skiing (read: Clay, who was three at the time, and I took lessons from a Swiss instructor and stayed on the tiniest hills). We both picked up mittens while there and I continue to swear by them, even paying premium for them here in the States (often on sale right now!). Yes, they are pricey and I have at least two name stickers in each one and phone number in case one gets left on the playground, but I’ve found NOTHING warmer for kids or adults.

• Stroller gloves: If you live in a city or take your stroller out for winter walks, these will be your hands’ best friend. Tim and I fight over who pushes the stroller because these are SO so cozy. In fact, if you have a winter baby, the chances that I’m buying them for you is very high.

  

Food & Drink

• Oatmeal for breakfast: I think oatmeal gets a bad rap (my friend wrote an excellent piece about oats). Sure, they can be beige and boring, but if you prepare them like I do, they are delicious and filling, pack a punch of protein, and you’ll start to crave them. Prepare oatmeal with half water and half milk of choice and protein powder. Stir in cinnamon, dried cranberries or cherries and cook until the texture you like. Top with maple syrup, toasted nuts, and a few tablespoons of heavy cream.

• Tea cookies: This can be homemade (here’s my fave shortbread recipe) or store-bought, but pairing a hot cup of afternoon tea or coffee with a little nibbly cookie is peak winter coziness.

• I do not want a salad for lunch in the winter, I want something warm and not lettuce-based. Soup and bread are the perfect lunch IMO and this one is my current obsession.

• Just-because hot cocoa: My kids are hot cocoa fanatics and I have such good memories of coming in from the snow to warm up with a cuppa! I make it from scratch which sounds impressive but it’s just: milk of choice, a couple tablespoons of cocoa powder, maple syrup to taste, splash of vanilla, pinch of sea salt, and protein powder because why not. I whisk it on low heat until it’s hot and top with marshmallows to hide any protein powder that didn’t dissolve LOL.

  

Bedroom

• Heated mattress topper: We live in a 1970s mid-century modern home which means we have a LOT of (not efficient) windows which also means our thermostat at 72 still means it’s cold inside. Our bedroom temperature generally sits around 58-60 most nights and while I love sleeping in the cold, I don’t want to BE cold. I finally purchased an electric mattress topper which sits under our fitted sheet. Reader, when I say that it’s the best $78 dollars I’ve spent in the past 5 years, I really, truly mean it.

• Flannel pajamas: I was a tank-top-and-underwear for pajamas year-round girlie until we moved into this house. I’m now a winter flannel pj girl not only because our bedroom is frigid, but also because our house is sort of see-through and even though we’re tucked into the woods, I don’t want to give an Amazon driver or neighbor a show. My favorite so far are J.Crew but if I had unlimited funds, I want to be head-to-toe in this…

• Slippers: As a no-shoes inside house, I wear slippers all day long, morning to evening, even in the summer. I’ve had these for three years and they now look like an ungroomed dog, so recommendations welcome.

  

Bathroom

• Bathroom candle. Light it in the AM when you’re getting ready and in the evening when you’re getting ready for bed. It elevates the mundane, you know?

• Don’t splash your face! I don’t know if you understand how cold our house is, but washing my face makes me shake with cold because our bathroom is an igloo and the bathroom water is basically an icicle. My solution to this is a face balm cleanser (this one smells amazing) which I wipe off with a disposable towel after saturating them in hot water. I double cleanse with this oil which I’ve used for six or seven years (someone just messaged me and said it helped get rid of her melasma!).

• Thick face cream mixed with face oil. This will vary wildly by your skin needs, but if you’re like me, you need all the moisture you can get this time of year. Currently obsessed with this face cream (it feels like velvet) which I mix with this oil, ofc. I like to go to bed looking nearly reflective.

• A hot bath that doesn’t dry you out. I draw the hottest bath that our water heater will support, pour in two cups magnesium salts, mix in a small scoop of this (unscented), swishing it around until it melts. I’m on my fourth container and it also helps my kiddos’ eczema a ton. Bonus: no post-bath lotion needed.

As I finish writing this, it’s snowing and all three of my kids are outside for the fourth time today. The second grader is showing the 20-month-old baby how to make a snow angel (she thinks it just means lying on her side in the snow) and I’m planning to make breakfast for dinner—bacon, eggs, and tiny silver dollar pancakes with extra butter and syrup. We’ll have the requisite hot chocolate, I’m sure, and end the evening with Sunday Sundaes1

The days aren’t perfect and I certainly yelled a lot this weekend and handed out a sleep vitamin AKA melatonin to my worst sleepers out of desperation on Saturday night. But this is a pretty nice way to end it and, I hope it helps you find just a tiny bit of winter warmth. (And if not, there’s always Google Flights.)

Thank you so much for reading Double Dutch. It truly means the world. For more, follow along on Instagram. Connect on LinkedIn. Let’s work together. Buy me a coffee!

Need a place to start? Check out everyone’s favorites: ✨ The Ultimate Baby Registry List ✨ How I’m Traveling to Paris for $368 ✨ 3 Easy Dinners I Make Every Week ✨ Exactly What to Bring New Moms ✨

“Your role has been eliminated.”

To put it simply, the big things of 2025 were not on my proverbial Bingo card, most notably being laid off at the end of January 2025—a few months before my youngest baby’s first birthday.

Before you settle in for a Story with a capital S…I have nothing contentious to say about my previous employer. I met some wonderful humans while I was there, many of whom I keep in touch with.

(Ulta Beauty, Inc, to save you the trip to LinkedIn that you were just about to make, lol, and they DO have a great rewards program, so hit up my link anytime, and yes, this body butter IS life-changing for winter skin).

At the same time, I would be remiss to not acknowledge that my time there was during a very strange time of life. We were three years into secondary infertility and on a break from back-to-back failed IVF treatments. My very first day, I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant, right before online orientation began. Nothing like life-changing news as you’re about to meet your cross-functional partners! Then, while I was on extended maternity leave with that baby (thanks to a scary postpartum mental health crisis if you care to read about it), I found out I was pregnant with #3.

Needless to say, two maternity leaves in 12 months probably didn’t help my job security. But, that didn’t make the loss of half of our annual household income any easier to swallow.

Three kids, a mortgage, health insurance bills, and childcare costs don’t just stop in the event of a job loss and even though I didn’t post about it a lot, many days and nights throughout this year were consumed by my anxious thoughts and tears and “What am I doing and how will I make it out on top?” ruminations.

As I figured out my next steps, I went down rabbit holes for days on what could work for me. Like one week included a serious deep dive on whether those course creators who post things like “I make $593K in passive income a year, comment RICH to learn exactly how” are legit. (Spoiler: they’re mostly not—or at least, not the way I want to make money).

I sent “Hey, it’s me!” emails to my network and colleagues who I haven’t spoken to in a decade and tried to sound as breezy as possible, even though I was quaking in my boots. I half-heartedly applied to roles online. In one particularly low moment, I looked up if selling photos of my feet were an option after reading about it on Reddit and promptly closed out of my tab and cleared my cookies when I realized it would be more than just a snapshot of my flip-flops by the pool. Wowzers.

As my severence ran out, I came to the conclusion that I didn’t want to go back to a regular 9-5 (although I do love stability and health insurance…). I began researching portfolio careers that my friend Alexa from told me about. I felt a full-body yes the more I learned and started strategizing how to build it. I cobbled together a few small projects, even making updates to a website as a non-website designer for a friend who kindly referred me. I pitched article ideas, wrote for Business Insider about Trader Joe’s snacks, and was reminded again and again how important it is to never burn a bridge.

In the spring, I met 1:1 with Erika from and she invited me to be a part of a cohort intensive. of other solopreneurs. Another full body yes. That summer, I continued outreach and learning from the women around me who were hustling and I posted on LinkedIn the way taught me too. Slowly, slowly, things started picking up.

How it’s going now

Slack groups like ’ Old Girls Club and became a huge part of my career strategy, as did putting myself out there time and time again. Raise hand, maybe get called on, maybe get ghosted.

Going “on your own” is not for the faint of heart, and even though I consider myself someone who can marketing the sh—t out of myself or my friends or something I love, it has been grueling. I’ve sent out so many proposals to hear “Hopefully in the new year!” or “We’re going in another direction.” I’ve trial and errored my way through rates and pricing strategies. I went too high and I went too low on so many, but all the way through, I learned.

I’ve doubted myself and daydreamed of a salaried role with excellent benefits, but the next morning—or maybe after weekend and a nap for the really hard days—I find myself back with a steely resolve. I can do this. I am doing this. I will succeed.

And here I am, nearly one year post-layoff. As of this month, I am nearly fully booked. A few months ago, I would prickle with jealousy and insecurity every time someone said that for themselves. I have 15 years of work experience at some of the most beloved companies in the country, and still, building a solo career has been a huge challenge. Like, enough of a challenge that I’ve wondered if I’m missing something or maybe I didn’t choose the right roles through my career or do a good enough job.

And it has been really tough to not compare myself to those who were immediately overflowing with work or found their way to make multiple six-figures while working part-time hours. Or feel like I suck at growing my social media following or Reels (ugh! guys! they’re so hard!!). So if you’re in a spot of doubt or wondering if you need to post photos of your feet—know that you aren’t behind. My husband frequently reminds me that I’m building. This isn’t about being an instant success, it’s about playing the long game and acting with intentionality.

Which brings me to the topic of Double Dutch and what I’m planning for this year.

Weekly newsletter dreams

When I started Double Dutch, it was a private journal as I navigated loss and infertility. I abandoned it for a couple of years and picked it back up shortly after I was laid off. It has been, like so many writers on here, one of my most favorite places to be.

As I’ve written this year, the two things I keep coming back to are:

1.) Storytelling as a practice

2.) Structure isn’t limiting

Nearly 16 years ago, I moved to Philly from Michigan to chase a dream of working for a quirky brand called Anthropologie. I was fortunate enough to have an incredible boss who told me his goal was for me to work myself out of my role. He wanted to help his people get to where they were meant to be and because of that, I had a lot of freedom to explore different avenues.

One task that I gravitated toward the most was helping a woman who was telling the stories of some of the people who made Anthropologie what it was—not the people who worked at the corporate office, but the people we contracted who went on grand quests when they weren’t shooting for us, the behind the scenes creatives.

I was transfixed by storytelling and bringing everyday people to life. Over time, my professional career took a more linear copywriting and editorial path, but that spark has always remained, ignited by creators like The Sartorialist (remember when it was a blog?) and Humans of New York and essayists and now, my fellow writers on Substack.

In 2026, I’ll be working toward telling more stories, both mine and others. Many of you loved this essay. I want to tap into more of that, moments big and small. I’ve also been thinking a lot about what I want this space to stand for. I really want Double Dutch to always have integrity at its core. I want it to feel like a respite and joyful and thoughtful and a place where you can say, “Oh, me too!”

To be totally honest, I also want it to generate a portion of my income—but not at the expense of it becoming a selling machine. I like reading posts about the “10 best things I bought this year,” but for me personally, those will be few and far between. Also because I’m not good at making those collages that y’all are so good at.

Which brings me to my second point: “Structure isn’t limiting.” Yesterday, I texted a friend who just had a baby and asked if she had any diet restrictions or cravings and she said, “Not lasagna” and then apologized for being picky. I told her that I loved parameters—I don’t find them to be limiting…I find them to actually bring me more clarity.

As I’ve been writing this year, I’ve been craving a bit more structure on Double Dutch. I think readers like to know what to expect to? (Tell me if I’m wrong!) In the coming months, you’ll notice a pattern emerging with themed content: personal essay, food/recipes, mom round table, and travel. I haven’t quite worked out the cadence, but I will still strive for a weekly newsletter and we’ll how that feels. I’ll also be switching to a paid model in the next few months, but will let you all know before that happens.

In case I haven’t said it lately, I want you to know how lucky I feel to have you here in this space where I write.

Thank you so much for reading Double Dutch. It truly means the world. For more, follow along on Instagram. Connect on LinkedIn. Let’s work together. Buy me a coffee!

Need a place to start? Check out everyone’s favorites: ✨ The Ultimate Baby Registry List ✨ How I’m Traveling to Paris for $368 ✨ 3 Easy Dinners I Make Every Week ✨ Exactly What to Bring New Moms ✨

Reading through everyone’s answers made me laugh (Case in point: “We do Elf on the Shelf. It’s a pain in the ass.”) and also let me off my proverbial hook, which this time of year, feels extra spiky and judgmental with its “you’re not doing enough” whispers.

Everyone’s answers gave me a sweet glimpse into their holidays and merry-making, but my biggest takeaway and comfort if I’m being honest, is that we’re all trying to create a little bit of magic and wonder for our kiddos—and also, we can’t do it all. Putting aside the Amazon noise and Pinterest pins and furiously wrapping at 1AM is a clear through-line of joy, humor, and raising generous, grateful little humans.

This post is for everyone, regardless of your parental status, holiday observances, or even if you’re more of a Scrooge than Mrs. Claus. Now, pull up a chair!

Meet Today’s Round Table Mom Gang:

Me, Nicole Prince of Double Dutch | Philadelphia | Brand strategist & copy consultant

Kayti Doolittle - Paper Ghosts | Kansas City, Missouri | Freelance marketing consultant with a long-term author dream

Jennifer Cook of mom friend | Brooklyn | Buyer for an independent retailer in Soho and yoga teacher

Rachel Lipson | The Point | Brooklyn | Founder & CEO of a songwriting school for children and travel company Brooklyn Family Travelers

of Platonic Love | Cambridge, MA | Strategic Partnerships at a fintech startup

of Bang Voyage | Orange County, CA | Primary stay-at-home parent & Substack writer

of just a splash | Ann Arbor, MI | Newly independent (and fabulous!) marketing consultant

of ¡HOLA! | San Pancho, Mexico and Portland, Oregon | Brand and creative strategist

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Q: What holiday traditions have you carried over from childhood (or hope to)?

Elin: Growing up in Southern California means I get to carry many of my childhood traditions straight into motherhood. Every Christmas Eve, we grab hot chocolates and stroll around Balboa Island to see the over-the-top lights (there’s a whole competition, so people really go for it). We’ve managed to keep that tradition alive since my first daughter was born. And someday, when my kids are a little older, I can’t wait to introduce them to the holiday movies I grew up on, like Christmas Vacation and The Santa Claus.

Kayti: I’ve been going to the Nutcracker at the KC Ballet almost every year since I was four. My grandmother took my sister and me every single year. Now my sister, my mom, and I take our girls, and it’s become this really special, fun tradition. It always makes me think of my Mimi, too. I miss her so much.

Aliza: The tradition from my childhood I’m most excited to pick back up this year is visiting New Orleans over Christmas. It’s a city that’s magical on any day, but especially over the holidays. Outside of a few angsty tween years, I didn’t mind that my family only celebrated Hanukkah (no Christmas) because I’d still get to spend the holidays with my grandparents in my favorite city—eating beignets, listening to live music, and driving through City Park to see the Christmas lights.

Jen: I’ll be completely honest—we don’t really have any! Outside of opening gifts Christmas morning, there isn’t anything that jumps out at me right now! We often do pizza Christmas Eve for dinner and mimosas while opening gifts, which we picked up later in life. No complaints.

That said, as our daughter is getting older, I’m feeling the pull to start some of our own traditions. We still bop back and forth to our parents’ homes and don’t spend the holidays just us or at our own home, but I know we’ll want to start that soon. It’s so tough though. We want to be with our families of origin for the holidays, but at the same time, I also really want it to just be us, at home, making our own memories as our own little family. I don’t know at what stage we’ll switch over, but I’m already feeling guilty about it.

Nicole: We reserve Christmas Eve and Christmas morning for just us—candlelit Christmas Eve service, cookies and carrots for Santa, Chinese takeout. Sometime around high school, we started getting Chinese takeout on Christmas Eve, so my husband and I do that now too—takes the pressure off as you wrap things up (lol what a pun). On Christmas morning, I love getting up when it’s still pitch black out, pulling cinnamon rolls out of the fridge, and popping them into the oven to rise and bake. I light candles, put on quiet Christmas music, sip coffee, and watch the tree twinkle while the smell of cinnamon fills the house.

Once little feet are pattering around, we start opening presents, but very orderly—one at a time with a “thank you” and showing it to everyone. It’s how I grew up doing it! We have warm cinnamon rolls after, and I like to deliver extras to neighbors or door drop to friends (Yes, I’ll drop all my holiday recipes in the next few days).

Rachel: As a kid we just celebrated Hanukkah. We’d light the candles all eight nights and open small gifts each time. My parents would throw a big Hanukkah party and invite all of our family and friends, and they’d make my grandmother’s latke recipe. Now, we celebrate Christmas and Hanukkah (all eight nights)—and even Kwanzaa some years. We still get together with my family and have a big latke party. To be honest, it’s what I would have wanted as a kid but as a parent it is A LOT.

Ariane: I’m not particularly religious as an adult, but I grew up going to church most weekends and while I haven’t kept that tradition up for myself or my kids, there are certain holiday traditions that I’ve carried over from my childhood. In particular, it’s important to me that my kids understand that what we celebrate (Christmas) isn’t just about Santa or presents. One way I do this is by setting up an advent wreath with candles every year (something I loved as a kid). Each week leading up to Christmas, we light a new candle and talk about the theme it represents: hope, peace, joy, and love. We also always gave back to our community in some way. That’s something I’ll be passing onto my kids too!

Lydia: We blend American traditions with Mexican ones—the best of both. Posadas happen between December 16th and 24th, originally rooted in Mary and Joseph’s search for shelter. These days they’re less about the religious story and more about gathering—coworkers, neighbors, school friends, whoever. My mom has hosted one every year since I was a kid, complete with the traditional seven-pointed star piñata and all the festive chaos that comes with it.

And, making my kids dress up. One of my favorite traditions, something I grew up with, is that Christmas Eve has always been a semi-formal affair. We dress up, set a proper table, plan a thoughtful menu. There’s intentionality to all of it—it’s a party, but it’s also special. When we’re in Portland, we gather at my aunt and uncle’s house like generations before us. In Mexico, we host our own smaller version with similar elements and spirit.

Q: I think every parent wants to make the holiday season magical, but there are things like time, budgets, energy, work, and lack of brain space that limit us. How do you approach this push and pull?

Elin: I absolutely feel that pull to make Christmas perfect, but I’m not in a holiday-martyr phase right now. Having my second baby in March forced me to let go of a lot of that pressure. I used to obsess over things like sending holiday cards, and now I’m learning to do less for the sake of my sanity. I’m also realizing that when your kids are tiny, it doesn’t take much to create magic. My almost three-year-old loses her mind over a single red string of garland. Watching her turn something so ordinary into something extraordinary makes the whole season feel pretty magical for me, too.

Aliza: This hits close to home. I love that Hanukkah lasts eight nights…but I’m already stressed about it, tbh. I’m trying to remind myself that what’s magical for a three-year-old doesn’t need to be fancy or have Pinterest-level execution. He’s going to be just as excited to unwrap a dreidel cookie cutter and bake together as he would be to get a new fort. (At least that’s what I’m telling myself.)

Jen: Frankly, I don’t do that much. Sure, we’ll get a little tree, toss on a few decorations, and I’ll try to set the table in a festive manner if we happen to host. But otherwise, I do the least. And to be fair, my daughter is only two, so we aren’t quite in that age where things need to be magical. So maybe I’ll feel the need to do more as she ages, but for now, this feels like enough.

I also like to do as much shopping as I can early, so that I’m not scrambling at the last minute. I’ve had half my gifts bought since September, so that helps free up space to actually attend some of these parties I’ve been invited to, which sounds like more fun than stressing over gifts.

Nicole: Every year, I tell myself I’m going to get ahead of everything earlier and every year, I don’t. I’ve had year where I’ve been a full 3-hours-of-sleep holiday martyr and I just can’t do that anymore. The few things I’ve figured out is: telling my oldest the Elf doesn’t come to our house, when in doubt, add more lights—it makes everything look more festive—and a cup of hot cocoa with marshmallows (add in some protein powder for less of a sugar crash!) makes even the most regular December days feel fun.

Rachel: I am definitely a holiday martyr and push myself too hard. For us, there’s my husband’s birthday, and Halloween in October and then both kids’ birthdays and Thanksgiving in November. By the time the actual holidays come around, I’m already exhausted but I am on the “make it fun train” as my friend Amanda calls it, and I can’t get off :) We not only go to all the holiday parties but also throw a big annual bash complete with carolers. I also love being cozy at home with hot chocolate and slippers!

Ariane: I think I probably fall somewhere in between! I love getting in the festive spirit, decorating the house, making cookies, etc. But I’m not particularly crafty and I’m not particularly good at baking or cooking, so I don’t go overboard. I love the little rituals like picking out a Christmas tree and decorating it with ornaments, getting the kids matching holiday pj’s, playing the Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack, and sending out holiday cards to loved ones. My 5yo loves these things too, so that’s the most fun part.

Lydia: I’ve struggled with the Christmas magic as a mom because my oldest was born December 23rd. I spent his first few years playing it all down—I wanted to make space for his birthday, not buried under holiday chaos. But as soon as he turned three, he turned into a little holiday elf. Like any kid, he loves everything about Christmas. We still plan a proper birthday party for him and wrap his birthday presents in non-Christmas paper, but it’s a lot. Honestly, it is overwhelming.

Q: How do you want your home and the season to feel for yourself, your family, and everyone who spends it with you?

Jen: As cozy and homey as possible, but we actually don’t really spend much time at our own home over the holidays. For the past few years we have traveled to Cape Cod for Thanksgiving, and for Christmas, we alternate going to my parent’s house in the Midwest and my husband’s parent’s house on Long Island. It means that we’ve mostly leaned into whatever they’re doing, and often carry over traditions and things from our childhoods at home.

That said, our two families are very different. On my husband’s side, they are loud and Italian and there are often aunts and uncles and cousins around and martinis flowing. On my side, it’s my nuclear family and our partners, and we are perfectly content all sitting in silence reading our own books together. Both are great in their own ways!!

This year we are going to my side of the family, though, and I will say that I am very much looking forward to a quieter holiday as this year has done a number on me!! I need some space, and going back home always offers that up.

Nicole: I want it all to to feel like hot cocoa which is the lamest metaphor, but stay with me: cozy and comforting, a reprieve from the cold / darkness, safe, peaceful, and just really, really sweet. I want friends to come in stomping off their boots and stay until their eyelids are heavy. Flickering taper candles, crackling fire (in my mind…our chimneys need to be prepared lol), and plenty of blankets to go around. Cookies and coffee always at the ready and chilled bottles of wine waiting in the fridge for unexpected visitors.

Rachel: I would love to open up our non-working fireplaces! [Ed. Note: WE NEED THE FIREPLACES!] That would be so great. As a kid I felt a lot of FOMO around Christmas so I think I go a little overboard now with it all. I was the one who kept pushing that Santa was real even when my husband was like, “Come on, give it up.” I love having a big tree in the living room, collecting ornaments when we travel, and decorating the mantle. I love holiday music playing through the house, a pine candle, and the Hanukkah lights burning low.

Lydia: I want my home to feel like I hope it does year round—joyful, welcoming, celebratory. Christmas is just an invitation to lean harder into that. I go for traditional decor because it feels right, nostalgic without being precious. And I always try at least one or two crafts, even if they’re imperfect. The handmade touches are what make it memorable.

Q: Tell me about decorations—how festive is your house this time of year?

Elin: I wish I was joking when I say we’ve had our partially opened Christmas decor boxes sitting in the hallway for two weeks now. We had the insane idea to potty train our toddler at the end of November (we thought it would only take three days), so let’s just say we’ve had our hands full. If we’re lucky, we might have our trees fully decorated by the 24th. It is what it is! Anyone else struggling to get it all together this year? You’re not alone.

Kayti: You know… there’s a part of me, the artist part, that has so many ideas for holiday décor. I dream of white lights on the tree and ribbons everywhere. But my kids want multi-colored lights and glitter dinosaur ornaments. And honestly, the thing that matters most to me is making Christmas feel magical for the girls. It’s not the place where I’m trying to flex my aesthetic strengths.

It’s the same reason I’ve always let my kids pick their clothes, even if they look crazy. We really value creative expression. One day that may change, but for now, I love it. (I especially love all the handmade decorations the girls bring home.)

Aliza: As a non-Christmas celebrating person, I’ve never felt much pressure to decorate for the holidays. (I’m not sure if that’s a real cultural difference, or just how our family rolled?) That said, I ordered a Hanukkah garland and twinkle lights to hang with our holiday cards across the fireplace this year and I’m feeling like an over-achiever.

Jen: Our house is not that festive!! Again, we’ll do a tree, and we have a spattering of ornaments we’ve collected through the last couple of years, but we keep it low key. We live in a small apartment with minimal storage, so it’s hard to go all out for the holidays. But I prefer it that way anyways.

Rachel: We put up a big tall tree in front of our front windows and I love piling our Hanukkah gifts under the tree, having the lights low in the house and the warmth of Christmas lights and cozy decorations. I have a minimalist, eclectic Scandinavian vibe and love the pine and warm lights against the neutral white/grey/wood in our house.

Ariane: We always decorate our front stoop and we always do a tree with lights and ornaments. We’ll do an advent calendar and wreath, stockings, and then usually some festive plants. The house definitely feels “fuller,” but not crazy either. If I ever make it big, I’d love to pay someone to do professional lights outside.

Lydia: I’m a color person through and through. No white lights on my tree or tasteful monochrome vibes—I want full candy-colored Christmas, the kind that’s warm and joyful over chic.

This year in Mexico, I have already spent a couple hours making paper chains. We don’t have easy access to decor that fits my style or feels worth buying. We’re in a small surf town, after all. Our first Christmas down here, we did get a real tree, but sourcing one in these parts is expensive and requires perfect timing—they go fast. So this year I’m exploring non-traditional options: maybe a large potted native tree, a sculptural cone made from fallen palm fronds, or just leaning into it with a potted cactus.

We’ll decorate with handmade ornaments the kids have made at school and the collection of bows I’ve gathered over the years down here. One year I had a gingham dress hemmed and walked away with so much extra fabric that I turned it all into bows for the tree.

Q: Holiday tips or tricks: spill!

Nicole: Holiday outfits must be put on at the last possible moment for both children and adults. Wrap a gift every time you take a break from your desk in December. Buy a couple extra $5-$20 gift cards for the inevitable teacher’s aid or mail person you forgot about. Throughout the year when you have a gift idea for someone, take a screenshot and immediately save it to a folder called “gifts.” It’s so simple and so clutch.

Kayti: Take the family picture at the beginning of the night or event. (I rarely follow this advice.)

Jen: Lower your expectations. Everything will be fine, but if you expect that picture perfect, everyone in the right outfit, in a good mood, at the same time, you will only be disappointed. Keep the bar low, folks!

Ariane: Don’t try to do everything or go everywhere. Once we had kids, we made it clear to our families that we weren’t going to be spending our holidays driving around from place to place. It’s too much and while we’d love to see as many people as possible in theory, in practice it just doesn’t work. More often than not, we host and make our families come to us since we’re the only ones out of our siblings with kids right now. Especially on Christmas, so that the kids can stay in PJs and play with their gifts, and we can relax.

Lydia: I bought a dress in 2019 from a favorite shop in town—green and red with sequins, a little extra but very me. It’s by the British brand Rixo if you want to picture it. The moment I bought it, I decided: this is my Christmas dress. I’ll wear it every year for the rest of my life. I love the idea that in every Christmas photo from here on out, I’ll be in the same dress. One less thing to think about, and eventually, I hope it becomes part of the nostalgia for my kids—that dress their mom always wore.

Q: If you’re crafty, what are you crafting? If you’re good at decorating, what are you doing for garland/outdoor decorations/kids rooms? If you love to bake, what’s a recipe you can’t wait to dig into?

Kayti: We do Elf on the Shelf. It’s a pain in the ass. And I worry what Amira and Yara will think when they are older and realize it was Mom and Dad writing notes back to them. But my kids love it. So every year we get with the cousins and make the “elves’” houses for the season. It’s something different than gingerbread houses and fun for the girls.

Aliza: We’re hosting a few friends for a last-night-of-Hanukkah party and I’m excited to roll out this giant Hanukkah-themed coloring poster—then let the kids go wild. That’s the extent of the crafting / decorations!

Jen: I decided to teach myself to hand embroider this season, so I am doing a lot of that as small gifts for others. We didn’t do a lot of decorating at our apartment because we won’t really be home much, but we did get a small tree and some fake garland to add a little festive touch.

And my daughter loves to bake—in part because I’ve been forcing her to do it every weekend over the last couple months as it’s been getting chilly outside and I need activities that aren’t screens…but that means we’ll likely keep doing more of it while we’re home visiting my family over Christmas. We don’t necessarily have any go-to recipes, but we’ve been perfecting our pumpkin bread over the last few weeks so perhaps we’ll continue with that. Or keep working on our chocolate chip cookies, which we started last weekend. She was very excited about the stand mixer.

Rachel: I love decorating our mantles. I put some garland up, use battery operated Christmas lights, and include antiques and finds from our trips as part of our holiday-scape. In my teens and 20s, the job I wanted most of all was to decorate the windows of an Anthropologie store and I like to think that decorating the mantles slightly fulfills that dream ;)

Q: Favorite holiday movie for the whole family!

Elin: The classics like Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer and Charlie Brown Christmas are go-to’s for the whole family right now. But what I really want to watch when the kids go to sleep is The Family Man. The airport scene!!!! Iykyk.

Aliza: The Nutcracker. My toddler became obsessed last December, and we’ve been watching (and listening to) the ballet on repeat ever since. A year later, I’m still not tired of it — which is saying something. I wrote about that more here.

Jen: My daughter’s favorite movie right now is The Nightmare Before Christmas, for some reason, so we’ve been watching a lot of that—though I would never call it my favorite (my husband gave her a stuffed Jack as an early gift and when I tell you that thing has not left her grip since….). Otherwise, Christmas Vacation is always on our watch list as a family. A classic.

Rachel: Home Alone! Maybe Kevin being alone on Christmas captured that feeling I had of seeing families celebrating and not being a part of it as a kid. But then again, I got to eat Chinese food and see the movies that came out on Christmas Day :)

Lydia: Charlie Brown Christmas and Home Alone with the kids. I will watch The Family Stone on a night off.

Q: Favorite holiday foods!

Kayti: We eat Chicken Spindini on Christmas Day, from Garozzo’s, one of my favorite Italian restaurants in Kansas City.

Nicole: I always make Bien Cult’s shortbread (it’s Ted Lasso level) and we nibble away on it the week between Christmas and New Year’s, with coffee. I also make banket, a traditional Dutch pastry. My family has Dutch heritage and my grandma taught me to make it in fourth grade. Picture a strudel crossed with a croissant and loads of almond paste.

Aliza: Trader Joe’s frozen latkes. They’re shockingly good and available year round. The last time we made latkes from scratch, our entire house reeked of oil for weeks. So yeah, frozen it is. (Ed. Note: Preach! They are 10/10!)

Jen: Perhaps weird and specific, but Starbucks always does something called a Cranberry Bliss Bar that never fails to get me in the mood for the season. It was always my go to on road trips home for the holidays during college (paired with a peppermint mocha, naturally), so when I travel anywhere during the season it’s a must. Otherwise my family has a tradition of making home made Chex Mix, which makes me think of my late grandfather and the Christmases spent at his house.

Rachel: Latkes, pie and cookies.

Ariane: My husband makes a mean apple galette!

Lydia: A traditional jell-o mold that’s been in our family for decades—nuts, cranberries, canned mandarins, canned pineapple, the whole thing. My mom makes tamales every Christmas Day, a tradition from my Mexican side of the family. And cookies, always. I rarely bake when I’m in Mexico, but I love it when anyone else does.

Q: Best holiday find so far this year!

Nicole: $5 stocking holders in the Target bargain area. They’re wooden trees and the hook is weirdly and poorly felted, but I’m going to find some beautiful ribbon to hide it.

Jen: I actually haven’t really bought anything so far!! Except for some fun party pants for myself, if that counts?

Rachel: We buy ornaments while we’re traveling. They make nice keepsakes, bring back fond memories and are small and easy to transport!

Q: What’s your approach to gifting for your children?

Elin: I learned the hard way last year that there is such a thing as too many gifts. We were so excited that our toddler was finally getting into Christmas—plus riding the emotions of it being our last holiday with just her—that we went completely overboard. She got so overwhelmed that she didn’t even open everything. How…embarrassing?

So this year our strategy is very simple: one “big” gift for our toddler and a reasonable amount of smaller ones in the books/clothing/toys categories, plus stocking stuffers. Our baby will watch from the sidelines.

Kayti: We do too much on the gift front, honestly. 😬 So I hesitate to respond to this one. We buy the girls gifts, Santa gets gifts, and my mom typically goes way overboard as well.

But something we’ve tried to do every year is to either adopt a family for the holiday through my sister’s charity. Or we give one or two items to a family that could use a little more help. I take Amira, my oldest, when shopping so she understands the importance of not just receiving, but giving.

Nicole: I generally try to do one “big” gift per kid (this year, we’re doing a play structure for our basement and a play kitchen for our toddlers). Then around $50 for our youngest two kiddos’ gifts (Brio trains, play food, slippers) and $100 for our oldest (slippers, Mario Bros stuffie, skateboard). Loosely try to incoporate “something to wear, something to read, something you want, something you need.” But, big fan of not over-complicating it, especially while they’re so little.

Also…just ONE of the small gifts is from Santa. I want most of the credit, TYVM.

Aliza: My son is still young enough (3) that I don’t feel the pressure to shower him with stuff. (Also, we simply don’t have the space!) Beyond a few small-ish presents (Legos, cookie cutters, board game), we’re making each night of Hanukkah special with low-key activities: lighting the menorah, baking cookies, playing dress-up, volunteering at a local nonprofit, or sponsoring a child through the Salvation Army’s angel tree program. Less stuff, more magic—I hope!

Jen: Ours is still young enough to not care that much. She doesn’t quite understand gifting or Christmas, which is great for us and our bank account. I only bought her a couple of things I know she needs, since she can’t quite communicate her wants. I’m pretty sure the grandmas are going hard though.

Rachel: We are lost when it comes to moderation around the holidays. The small gifts for Hanukkah we aim to be around $10- $20 each. But that adds up for two kids and eight nights! Then, Christmas can’t seem to be just one gift so we always overdo it.

As a points expert, I am always looking for ways to maximize my credit card perks around the holidays. Last year I stacked the credits from a couple cards to get a Nintendo Switch! Then there was the year The Rock bought us $2,000 in gifts for the holidays from an FAO Schwartz shopping spree (long story). That might have been the year the kids figured out that Santa wasn’t real, but it also set the bar higher for the number of gifts the kids expect to see under the tree.

Ariane: For my youngest, I don’t know that we’ll really get her anything, is that bad?! Lol maybe some clothes (really those are for me) and a little toy. Then for my 5yo, probably one larger Lego set (his favorite), some books, a game or two that we can all enjoy, and new Yoto cards.

Q: Stocking stuffer ideas that feel less Five Below and more “whoa I want to copy that.”

Elin: I already ordered this little pencil case with my daughter’s name on it, and these mini books are almost too cute to handle. If you’ve got a girly girl like mine, this bow-gem necklace is so sweet. We’re also a big Magna-Tiles family, so this glitter expansion pack will be a huge win for Santa this year. Oh, and I’m obsessed with these finger puppets!

Rachel: Phone case with a strap so you don’t get your phone stolen while traveling. Nobody could be mad at good smelling pretty packaged soap. This candle that smells like the freshest Christmas tree.

Jen: Omg we have to do stockings?!

Ariane: We always do a “special” citrus. Another tradition from growing up that funnily enough, both my and my husband’s parents did. A blood orange or a grapefruit, etc.

Q: Lastly, what do you want your kids to remember from your celebration this year?

Elin: That Santa is totally real—and that he nailed it this year. But more than anything, I hope they feel loved and truly believe in the magic of it all.

Ariane: That we had fun together! And tried some new things.

Kayti: This year feels like a turning point. Yara (3) finally understands what Christmas is, and Amira is eight; she still believes in Santa, but the questions are starting. So as a mom, I’m soaking up every second of them being little.

What I want them to remember this year, and all of the years, is the feeling of hope.

That’s what I carried with me as a kid. And the older I get, the more I realize how rare and important that feeling is. Adulthood makes you practical. You pay bills, you make “smart” choices, and sometimes magic gets harder to believe in.

I want them to grow up feeling like the world is big and generous and full of wonder.

So that’s my hope for this year: that the lights, the traditions, the time with family—all of it—gives them a place to practice believing in magic. And that they keep choosing it, even when they realize Santa isn’t real and health insurance sucks.

Aliza: Gift-giving is one of my love languages, but this year I want my son to start learning that the holidays are more about giving and being with the people you love than receiving. That will probably take some repetition to sink in.

Jen: I think, at two, she’s too young to really hold on to any specific memories. But I want her to feel that the holiday season is a time of joy and fun, and that she has a sense of something special happening.

Lydia: Like any time of year, I want my kids to have that warm, comforting feeling—the kind that sticks with you. I want them to appreciate the decor, to understand that Mom put thought and effort into making the season special for everyone. I want them to remember our scrappy, creative Christmas tree this year, whatever form it takes. Not because it was perfect, but because we made it work with what we had.

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Let’s give it up for the moms! This was such a fun one to put together. Now tell me: What’s your version of the holidays? Any sweet or silly traditions? What have you let go of? Or maybe this time of year is tough for you. If so, I hope you’re extra-gentle with yourself this month. Wishing you all exactly what you need this week and get ready for a round-up of my *very best* holiday recipes, next week—heavy on the sweets!

PS: If you’re interested in contributing to a future round table, DM me! I love hosting moms here. <3

Thank you so much for reading Double Dutch. It truly means the world. For more, follow along on Instagram. Connect on LinkedIn. Let’s work together. Buy me a coffee!

Need a place to start? Check out everyone’s favorites: ✨ The Ultimate Baby Registry List ✨ How I’m Traveling to Paris for $368 ✨ 3 Easy Dinners I Make Every Week ✨ Exactly What to Bring New Moms ✨

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The past few months have been a bit zany and I didn’t prep for this trip as much as I wanted to: I booked zero dinner reservations. My husband Tim and I added recommended spots to our Google map while waiting for our flight at JFK. Contrary to our last pre-kids trip where I painstakingly created a printed-out glossary of all the French beauty products I wanted to try, I feel lucky to to shower these days.

We’d both been to Paris a few times, so unlike first-timers, we didn’t feel pressure to “see it all.” And, when it comes to travel style, Tim and I fall decidedly in the “non-touristy” camp. Our international trips are always self-guided and self-researched. We generally don’t do tours or major sightseeing and high-traffic sites like the Eiffel Tour or a river cruise weren’t high on our list.

I know some of you are aghast and others are nodding along. Different strokes, different folks. If you love a segway and a tour bus, I salute you. I personally just prefer to travel in a way that makes people mistake me for a local. The ultimate compliment! Of course, it’s all a facade, especially when I say anything beyond “Bonjour,” and speak in what Tim calls my “Whisper French” which yes, means I speak in a whisper in French. I was a Spanish major, guys. Puedo mantener una conversación en Español!

Anyway, I’m going to break my Paris recap into a few posts because I have a lot to say on a variety of topics, from where we stayed for five nights for FREE to which touristy restaurants actually meet the hype to the shops are worth walking 20,000 steps for.

To kick it off, I’m sharing ten of my favorite non-touristy things to do in Paris. If you love tourist spots, you’d still like these places. If you don’t like tourist spots, you’ll definitely like these places. And yes—some of these places are very en vogue for tourists to drop into—but they’re also not necessarily places you’re going to find in a Paris guidebook, so we’ll just roll with it. Shall we?

1.) % Arabica

I know, I know, like OMG, can Americans not go without filtered coffee for a few days?! Listen, Tim and I love a cappuccino. Espresso is our love language! But I discovered this post from of Franchement—an expat who lives in Paris—and one day, Tim needed a caffeine boost and we happened to be in front of a coffee shop she’d recommended and I’m so glad we popped in.

I’m a coffee-with-a-generous-pour-of-whole-milk gal. Black coffee does not interest me, but when Tim handed me his cup with a “You have to try this,” I became a Black-coffee-if-it’s-%-Arabica girl. This Tokyo-based shop is minimal and the coffee is outstanding. Zero acidity, it tasted like a rich, nuanced cup of joe that I still think about. There are a few locations in NYC and you can bet I will search them out next time I’m there.

2.) Monoprix

One of my all-time favorite things to do when I’m traveling, particularly internationally, is go to the grocery stores. I have long been a Monoprix devotee, which is essentially France’s version of Target but higher quality everything.

All the groceries you need—excellent butter, yogurt in glass jars, precut fruit, shredded carrot salads, aisles full of gorgeous cookies! Kitchen towels and soaps and skincare (yes, all those French brands). We were there just as holiday was being put out and got a darling train-themed Kinder advent calendar. They have $99 cashmere and poplin pajamas and winter coats, but best of all (if you have kids in your life) is the children’s clothing section.

Their clothes hold up like no other brand. The styles are darling with enough Peter Pan collars for every day of the week and the prints are lovely. I will admit to being very particular about the clothes my kids wear. They don’t have to be expensive (I’m a big consignment shopper for kiddos!), but I prefer for them to be natural fabrics when possible and not too logo-y.

Monoprix’s in-house label for kids is Bout’chou and it’s only gotten better every time I’ve been in France. I literally went to 5 or 6 Monoprixs to find the best selection this visit and sent photos to my girlfriend with similarly aged kiddos who then sent me her “order.” Prices generally range from $9.99-$30 give or take, and have lasted through all three of my kids, who are not easy on clothing.

3.) Le Grande Épicurie

I heard someone call this Paris’ Erewhon which I can’t comment on because I’ve never been to Erewhon, but I do know that when people tell me they didn’t make it over to Le Grande Épicurie while in Paris, my heart sinks.

In basic terms, it’s a gourmet food store. But really, it’s a mecca of some of the country’s very best offerings. Ever since 2015, when I first read about Christine Ferber jams from , I’ve been dying to try them, but always winced at the nearly $15 price tag. But this most recent trip, I bought a jar for myself (still winced at the price) and wow…it delivered.

This is THE place to buy special souvenirs IMO. Gorgeous chocolates in tins, pistachio and chestnut spreads, a huge butter selections, and of course, cheese. You can purchase cheese there—the section is huge—and at the store’s exit, there’s a person who will shrink wrap your butter, cheese, and meats for you.

We grabbed a quick lunch here as well—$13 for a baguette sandwich, chips, a drink, and a bowl of berries and ate it in the park right outside. I got ham and buerre—a classic—but Tim’s was chicken with little zesty pickles and potatoes and definitely the superior choice.

4.) E. Dehillerin

I’ve been wanting to visit this kitchen supply store for years and was so happy to finally make it. It’s over 200 years old, a favorite of Parisian chefs, and isn’t going to win any design awards: the aisles are very narrow and it’s confusing to navigate. But the quality of the product and variety is incredible. For all of the prices, you have to leaf through laminated books hanging off the shelves, and it’s really quite a charming experience.

Not only do they have the heavy hitters like Le Creuset and Staub, they also have beautiful tart pans, ramekins, frosting tips, and a very impressive knife selection, casually set out in trays. I left with a tomato knife, inspired by my friend who did the same, but I can’t get the spouted copper pot Tim found out of my head. It was similar to this and just gorgeous and I’m going to have to leave room in my suitcase (and budget) next time.

5.) Chez Janou

This restaurant is definitely the most touristy place we visited and many would argue that this doesn’t even belong on my list because it’s gone so viral, but it’s fine, guys. You’ve probably seen it on social media—the huge bowl of chocolate mousse that’s scooped onto plates. Dinner reservations are tough to come by and we weren’t able to snag one, but one day, we were nearby around 2pm and decided to try our luck.

We didn’t have to wait long at all (10 minutes or so), opting for a bar seat that opened up. Inside, it’s bustling. The servers and hosts are hustling and seemed to have a very familial camaraderie that I loved. The menu is classic French and the portions are generous. We started with chickpea fries which totally surprised me—airy, crispy, indulgent, would order again for sure. We also got olives which were excellent and amused ourselves by watching one of the servers hit on the woman next to us, who somehow ended up with three glasses of free wine.

For my entree, I had stuffed peppers which were beautiful and honestly, it felt good to eat a vegetable and Tim had scallops. The mousse was wonderful and rich—a very dark, not-too-sweet chocolate vs the milk chocolate flavor that many mousses have. We could barely finish even half of it and ended with a cappuccino.

Side note: the host was wearing a very, very oversized Polo buttondown as a dress and it was so chic and French now I’m scouring Ebay.

6.) Merci

I’m not going to even pretend to have a good list of shops in Paris because there are so many round-ups on the Internet and I have so many chic friends who can talk circles around me on this topic (check out ’s Paris guides, they are gold!).

But, one of my favorite past times is getting lost in well-curated boutiques, who carry products that aren’t the candles-housewares-stationery that everyone carries. Like, I love a good Paddywax or Maison Louis Marie candle and Rifle Paper this or that but when I buy, I want to find the most original wares—things that feel a bit more like a discovery.

Anyway, Merci is that place. The assortment is thoughtful with so many shoe and clothing brands that were new to me. Their housewares are so chic and exactly how I would want to outfit my home if money were no object.

We bought each of our kids a Christmas ornament from here and I regret not picking up a couple of their waffle weave bath towels. My terry towels from Bed Bath & Beyond 11 years ago could use an upgrade, but vacation is $$$ so…next time!

(There are two locations—the older location is much bigger and, I personally think, better.)

7.) City Pharma

Ok, listen. This place IS extremely touristy and known about in the beauty and influencer world. But I don’t think everyone who’s traveling to Paris is privy to this French beauty mecca, so I’m including it on my list because it is a must-visit IMO.

On almost every street in Paris, you’ll see lit-up green signs that signify a pharmacy. Unlike American pharmacies, Parisian pharmacies employ skincare experts who can recommend products for what your skin goals are. Every pharmacy will have the typical French brands like La Roche Posay and Bioderma, but City Pharma has the absolute lowest prices. For example, this Caudalie serum, which is $82 in the US was $38 at City Pharma.

It opens at 8:30am. I was there at opening and while the line wasn’t too long (10-15 people), it was a bit frenetic until around 8:50am where it died down considerably. I’d try to get there around then—it gets progressively busier as the day goes on. I stopped by the day before around 4pm and promptly walked out as it was a total zoo.

8.) Søstrene Grene

We stumbled upon this shop one evening and what a treat! It’s a Danish shop with home decor, accessories, and stationery and when we went in November, it had just launched its holiday assortment.

Besides being aesthetically pleasing (Scandinavian Christmas is my north star), their products are really inexpensive—think IKEA or Flying Tiger prices—but far more whimsical with a handcrafted feel.

I could have spent much longer here, but purchased a few sweet things like a mini rolling pin that presses trees into dough, mini brass taper holders, bow-shaped candle snuffers, and an Advent candle.

9.) Palais des Thés

I’m a coffee girl and really only drink tea when I’m sick or cold, but Palais des Thés changed that for me. We were looking for tea to bring back as a gift and stopped in on our way back to our hotel. They had a few varieties in large carafes and we each took a sample and were surprised by how flavorful it was. Their holiday tea, Joie, is a green tea with roasted buckwheat and almond, and I’m slowly drinking the few packs I snagged for myself.

Truly a lovely gift (and yes, they have a US presence so…finish your gifting!). Also realized on our last day that our hotel room was stocked with it, so you can bet I filled my purse.

10.) Aviv Discount

ICYMI, I love high-quality things and I also love a deal. A few years ago, our Airbnb was a block away from this random, hole-in-the-wall shop that had some cute Petit Bateau clothes in the window. I decided to stop in, even though it looked a little sketchy and guys: this place was gold. (I don’t know if Aviv Discount is its name, but that’s what you can put in Google maps to pull it up!)

It’s basically a shop that gets overstock, mostly from the children’s brand Petit Bateau as well as higher end designers like Ganni. It’s truly a random assortment and you have to dig through boxes for some of the product, but I swear by this place and think it is SUCH a steal.

The prices are around 60-80% off retail prices. A friend bought me this toddler poncho a couple years ago for $35 (retail $120) and this trip, I got a few things for friends, plus some 12m pajamas for $9 and a $90 linen dress for $15. The woman working the floor was really kind and patient despite my lack of French.

BONUS RECOMMENDATION!

11.) Aux Merveilleux de Fred

I was going to end this list at 10, but then realized I didn’t include Aux Merveilleux de Fred and I need everyone to know about it. I learned about this place from , per usual, and his recommendations never fail.

I imagine this is what manna from heaven tasted like, probably better. It’s marshmallow-y meringue filled with whipped cream and there are several flavors. We got two because we had just eaten and I opened them up at the hotel later and realized they only gave us one. So…must got back! (Also heard there is one in NYC, so adding that to my next trip!).

Literally melt-in-your-mouth, “what did I just eat OMG” delicious.

And…we’re ending on a sweet note. I also have a few places that are firmly in the “prioritize for next time” category which include:

Marin Montagut: a friend sent this to me after we returned and I cannot get its whimsy out of my head.

Sabre: got some cutlery sets on her most recent trips and Tim spotted them at Bon Marche and mentioned he liked and now I’m manifesting enough sets for our dining room table. The burgundy is gorgeous.

If you need some places to start on your Paris trip, I recommend following and , then layer in the guides from Jen Cook (mom friend) and .

Next Up: My review of our $1200/night hotel that we paid $0 for…

Thank you so much for reading Double Dutch. It truly means the world. For more, follow along on Instagram. Connect on LinkedIn. Let’s work together. Buy me a coffee!

Need a place to start? Check out everyone’s favorites: ✨ The Ultimate Baby Registry List ✨ How I’m Traveling to Paris for $368 ✨ 3 Easy Dinners I Make Every Week ✨ Exactly What to Bring New Moms ✨

FRIENDS!

I’m not hosting Thanksgiving this year, but I’m still behind on all the things, including (waves hand sheepishly) this newsletter—which, contrary to what it appears, is my #1 favorite thing to write.

You see, BFCM has come in with a fury (Black Friday Cyber Monday for anyone who has never worked in retail) and has taken up all my waking hours.

But this newsletter isn’t about that (but if you’re a brand who needs help with strategy and content, call me! #alwaysnetworking). Today this newsletter is about the no-fail, anyone-can-do-it dishes that make people exclaim, “Oh yum!” and text you for the recipe later.

These aren’t the prettiest dishes. I’m largely a cook and baker who creates for flavor, not looks—and honestly, isn’t that preferred anyway? (If you’ve ever been victimized by a fondant-covered cake…you KNOW.)

I organized this list by category and have included the estimated time it takes to prepare as well as the store I buy from if it’s less “mainstream.”

With each recipe, I am linking to the exact one I use and noting any tweaks that I make in the notes. I generally find it more helpful to follow the original poster’s recipe because the comment section is really helpful if you have questions about substitutions.

With many of these recipes, you’ve gotta taste test to really finish it off. So if you’re vegan and are bringing non-vegan mashed potatoes, find someone to volunteer as tribute taste-tester.

Drinks

This is a very straightforward list, but sometimes it just helps to be told what to do. If you don’t want to cook or want to stock up on a few favorites, here are my recommendations:

Fizzy water: Nixie is my favorite and cherry lime is hands-down the best flavor. (Whole Foods, Sprouts, Meijer, select Giants)

Pelligrino on ice: bring a silver bowl and ice and you’ll look really fancy! I prefer the large glass bottles to the smaller plastic ones for an impact. Serve with sliced lime or lemon, an orange peel, or a splash of bitters.

Wine: I’m no somm, but I discovered Sancerre last year and I cannot recommend it enough. Really good ones lack the “bite” that wine typically has, in my very amateur opinion. It’s liquid silk and a lovely hostess gift, as it’s a little pricer than your $12.99 bottle (which I rely on, too!).

NA drinks that aren’t club soda and lime: https://go.shopmy.us/p-32917565 It’s nuanced, slightly bitter, and doesn’t have that sugary “cocktail without the alcohol” taste. Truly excellent. I love how the bottle looks (add bubbles!) or you can buy in single-serve, already fizzy cans. (Select Whole Foods, specialty grocers…check out their map!)

Sides

Corn Casserole

(5 min prep, 30-40 min cook time)

This is straight from Paula Deen herself and has served me well for decades. It’s not organic, it’s not healthy, and it includes Jiffy corn muffin mix, so if you’re a Whole Foods stan, get thee to a Giant/Meijer/Aldi/Kroger. It LITERALLY takes 5 mins to throw into a bowl and tastes like a cross between bread pudding, souffle, and corn bread.

Notes: I double it the recipe and cook in a 14-inch cast iron pan, but any casserole dish works just fine. I omit the cheese on top because I think it takes away from the flavor of the dish. Can be served warm to room temp.

Perfect Cranberry Sauce

(5 min prep, 15 min cook time)

I do not like canned sauce and while this isn’t quite as easy as opening a can and slicing rounds, it only takes 15 mins total (including cooking time!) and saves you a possible cut finger.

This recipe from Sally’s Baking Addiction is excellent: not too tart, not too sweet, and the splash of vanilla adds a little warmth to a typically very bright side.

Notes: I always double this recipe. Use the lesser amount of sugar, double the orange peel, cinnamon, and orange juice (if you’re doubling the recipe, quadruple). This can be made several days ahead and stored in the fridge. Serve at room temp.

Creamiest Mashed Potatoes

(15 min prep, 30-40 min cook time—make ahead and keep warm in Crock Pot)

Listen, there just can’t be Thanksgiving without mashed potatoes. My dad makes the best mashed potatoes on planet Earth, so I’ve taken his instructions and made them slightly less “eyeball it”!

• 5 lbs gold potatoes, peeled and cut into 1-2 inch chunks

• 1-2 cups heavy whipping cream

• 2 sticks butter, cut into tablespoons

• Salt

Instructions: Bring a large pot of water to a rolling boil. Salt generously until the water tastes like the ocean. Dump in the potatoes and keep at a medium boil until you can stick a fork through easily. Drain potatoes and return to pot. Add in butter and cover with lid until melted.

Mash potatoes with a potato masher until smooth. This is important! If you mash with the liquid, they’ll become gluey. Once potatoes are smooth (a few chunks are fine), pour in whipping cream, 1/4 cup at a time until the desired consistency is reached. Taste test and add more salt or cream as needed.

Notes: This can be made in stages. 1.) Peel and chop the potatoes the night before and store the fridge, covered in water. 2.) Drain and rinse before adding to the boiling water to remove excess starch. 3.) Once potatoes are ready, pour milk or heavy cream into a slow cooker so it fully covers the bottom. 4.) Drizzle around 1/4 cup cream on top of the potatoes to prevent drying out. Stir occasionally. (I’ve stored in slow cooker for 6-8 hours before eating to great success!)

Simple Green Beans

(5 min prep, 7-10 min cook time)

I am of the mindset that we don’t need to do fancy things with our veggies. Blanched green beans drizzled with olive oil, some lemon, and sprinkled with sea salt flakes is perfect. for all the heavier dishes. They taste great hot and room temp!

This is barely a recipe, but if you need some help:

Fill a pot with water (enough to fully over beans) and bring to a boil. Salt generously. Add beans to water and simmer for 7-10 minutes. They’re done when they’re bright green and retain a slight crunch, but can be pierced with a fork. Serve on a platter, drizzle with olive oil, lemon if desired, and Maldon salt flakes.

Dessert

Dessert is my thing. I adore baking and turn to it when I’m anxious, stressed, or just need to quiet my mind. Funny enough, the most-loved desserts I’ve made for Thanksgiving aren’t your typical apple or pumpkin pie. Maybe that’s why they’re flocked to? I’m including two—one for the chocolate lovers and one for my tart friends.

French Silk Pie

(30-40 min prep, 4+ hours chill time)

This is everything you want in a post-Thanksgiving pie. It’s light enough that it doesn’t make you feel totally uncomfortable and decadent enough to pair with your after dinner coffee.

Notes: The recipe calls for using your mixer TWICE to make whipped cream—it splits the whipping cream into two, one for the chocolate, one for the top of the pie. I prefer to only do it ONCE to save time. Mix 2 1/3 cups whipping cream on high until stiff peaks form (like little mountaintops), then mix in 3 tablespoons powdered sugar and vanilla. Use just over half to fold into the chocolate mixture. This recipe is flexible—taste as you go and if you want it sweeter, add more sugar. If it’s too sweet, add in more whipping cream. Keep the rest in the fridge to top once the pie is cold.

Key Lime Pie

(20 min prep, 35 min bake time, 2 hours chill time)

Sounds like a summer thing, right? You’d be surprised how quickly people line up for something that’s a little less heavy after all that turkey/potatoes/gravy/stuffing. I’ve been making this exact one for 15 years and it’s perfect.

Note: The only thing I do different is add 1 teaspoon cinnamon to the graham cracker crumbs. Otherwise, follow it exactly!

I hope these recipes are helpful to all the busy, overwhelmed, or just tired folks out there. Sending all my gratitude for joining me here. x

Thank you so much for reading Double Dutch. It truly means the world. For more, follow along on Instagram. Connect on LinkedIn. Let’s work together. Buy me a coffee!

Need a place to start? Check out everyone’s favorites: ✨ The Ultimate Baby Registry List ✨ How I’m Traveling to Paris for $368 ✨ 3 Easy Dinners I Make Every Week ✨ Exactly What to Bring New Moms ✨

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Over the past year, I’ve been thinking a lot about the challenge of making new friends in your 30s and 40s (spoiler: it’s hard) AND how as a mom, it’s vital to my mental well-being to know other moms are in “it” too—whatever “it” is this week. Mothers who also find life to be a chaotic mix of indescribable love, exhaustion, scheduling Jenga, laughter, messes, snuggles, boredom, budgeting, and eternal gratitude.

When I started consulting this year and re-launched my newsletter, Double Dutch, I did not expect to find these women on Substack. It’s been one of the most unexpected gifts of my layoff and networking pods and virtual coffee chats. Somehow, on this writing platform, I’ve come across so many women who I resonate with both personally and professionally. The hustlers, the multi-faceted, the portfolio careerists, the dreamers and making-it-workers—who also answer to “Mom.”

It’s been a true joy to get to know these women and to learn from them. Each is whip-smart, funny, honest, generous, passionate, and an inspiration to me.

And with that, I present Double Dutch’s first-ever Mom Round Table, something I hope to make a regular thing here. Each round table discussion will focus on a specific topic in the vein of motherhood, and this Round Table #1 is very close to my heart: The Reality of Working Moms. So without further adieu, let’s get started!

Meet Today’s Round Table Mom Gang:

Me, of Double Dutch | Philadelphia | Brand strategist & copy consultant

| Kansas City, Missouri | Freelance marketing consultant with a long-term author drea

of Kuntshalle | Central Texas | Artist, writer, and content creator

of mom friend | Brooklyn | Buyer for an independent retailer in Soho and yoga teacher

of Align | Connecticut | Marketing professional by day, yoga teacher by night

of Making it Work | Brooklyn | Strategist-writer-researcher-product leader in parenting tech

| Brooklyn | Founder & CEO of a songwriting school for children and the founder of the travel company Brooklyn Family Travelers

Q: Alright moms! Let’s get right to it. How many kids do you have and how old are they?

NP: 3 kids, 7, 2, and 1. Clay is extroverted and witty. Jasper is tender and pure sunshine. Cora is a gentle lover.

KD: I’ve got two strong, kind, smart little girls. Yara is about 3 ½, and Amira just turned 8 and is going on 13.

EM: I have three kids, ages six, four and 20 months. One girl and two boys. My kids are thoughtful, curious, and generous.

JC: I have one daughter, Louisa, who turned two at the end of August. She’s sassy and already fiercely independent, and loves nothing more than dressing like a princess and climbing the tallest ladder on the playground.

KS: I have a 4 year old son named Luca, who I refer to as a “joy bomb” because he makes us laugh on the daily. I can’t wait to watch him become a big brother (I’m due with #2 in December!).

YP: Ada is 9 (10 in a few weeks) and extremely outgoing, creative, sassy, and maximalist in all regards. Julian turned 8 last week, and is a tiny philosopher with so much wisdom. He’s an introvert, deeply moral, and very gentle and kind.

RL: My kids are almost 10 & 12 (they are two years and one week apart and their birthday week is coming up—god help me). Max is a spirited, passionate kid who is obsessed with planes (on brand), animals and pretty much all forms of transportation. Henry is a thoughtful, empathetic kid who is either out hanging with his friends or buried in a book.

Q: All of us work full-time, give or take. I’m curious to hear your typical work days and work hours.

NP: We have a nanny 4 days a week from 8:30am-5pm. My MIL takes the 5th day. My work hours are generally 9-5, but since I’m building my consulting biz, I also typically work most evenings for a couple hours and a few hours on the weekend, during naps. It’s not ideal, but it is what it is right now. From 5-6pm, I’m usually trying to make dinner while carrying at least one child. The witching hour is alive and well in our house!

KD: Both girls go to Montessori school during the week. My husband, Asheer, and I trade off drop-off and pickup. My main client is based in Singapore, which means I either work really early mornings or late nights. Currently, my hours are all over the place.

Tuesdays, for example: he takes the girls to school, I start work at 5 a.m., wrap around 3:30, pick them up, take them to soccer, then hop on a call again at 8 p.m. once they’re in bed. I also usually work a few hours on Saturday mornings, but I’m trying to phase that out in the next six months.

My goal next year is to have about 25 - 30 hours of client work a week, and the spend the remaining hours on Paper Ghosts, and family.

EM: I’ve worked for myself for the last 10 years and feel fortunate to get to design a schedule that serves my life. I start working at 4am and work solid through around 8am. Then I take about a 1.5 hour break to go for a walk and reset. I’ll work for another two hours before picking up one of my kids from school, have lunch with him, take a nap, then work for another 2-3 hours.

JC: For my day job, I work from 10-6. I’m from home on Mondays, and in the office Tuesday through Friday. I teach yoga Sunday mornings and Tuesday mornings, and my husband is on baby duty for that. I write on my own time, sometimes with Louisa on my lap, haha. My mother in law helps us with the baby on Monday, and we are part of a nanny share Tuesday through Friday. Two days a week our daughter, nanny, and share family (one toddler) are here, two days we share from their home.

KS: This will likely change given my recent lay off, but typically, it’s 9-5 for my full-time job. My husband owns his own business and at least a couple nights a week will go back to work after bedtime so I spend those nights writing a Substack or studying for my upcoming CPT exam. I teach yoga on Tuesday evenings at 6pm. Sometimes I’ll get a few hours in on the weekend during naptime or if my husband goes out with my son. Luca is in preschool and we have a set schedule between my parents and MIL, who pick him up and spend the rest of the day with him. We are VERY lucky to have both of our families within 10 minutes and very grateful to be able to lean on them as our “village.”

YP: My kids are in school about 8:15 - 3pm, so that’s when I do the bulk of work. They have different afterschool schedules every day. We have just started a two day a week babysitter, who is a 20 year old puppeteer who does a lot of fun crafts with the kids. [Ed. note: This sounds like a dream babysitter for both parents and kiddos!]

I try to get as much done as possible by 3pm, then hack my way through the afternoon, or run out to do various pick-ups and drop-offs. But, the reality is that between the kids and the projects, my schedule is insane and every week we are doing a lot of ad hoc figuring shit out. My husband runs a film production company, we both travel a lot, and we have to split a lot of childcare and logistics.

Usually at some point during the day I go for a run, to a yoga class, or to play tennis. It really helps my focus. I also try to keep Fridays clear of calls, so I’ll do think-y work, errands, and doctor’s appointments that day. I do work in the evenings probably 2-3 nights a week but really try to keep things as compartmentalized as possible.

RL: I spent 15 years working crazy hours as a solo founder with the school I founded, Blue Balloon, and after leaving the day to day of my company, I had about two weeks of bliss before I sort of accidentally started my newer company, Brooklyn Family Travelers. Now, I’m back to long hours, lots of emails and meetings—and very ready for that first hire (it’s imminent!) to get some semblance of my life back. My kids are in school (thank god) and I spend the evenings and weekends with friends and family.

Q: On a scale of “hard as hell” to “ incredible,” how has motherhood felt to you lately?

NP: Going to the bathroom alone feels akin to a break these days, anyone else? In all seriousness though, the hard days are HARD. Sometimes I’m whispering threats through gritted teeth and counting the minutes until bedtime. But then, the sun is shimmering through the windows and the record player is on and they’re playing in the living room and giggling and I remember that a few years ago, in the middle of loss and fertility treatments, I would have killed for the hardest days.

KD: This is going to sound sappy and live, laugh, love wall-art adjacent, but I really do love being a mom, even in the hard parts. What’s hardest right now is feeling like I’m always missing something. I’ve got calls early and late, so I’m either missing morning kisses or bedtime stories. I try really hard to not miss bedtime stories. But right now I’m missing at least one a week. And bedtime is when my girls spill the real stuff, the friend drama, the worries or just the snuggles.

EM: Six years in and I feel like mothering doesn’t wreck me like it used to. I don’t feel like I’m thriving everyday, but I no longer feel the current constantly pulling me under. My older two kids play together really well and that has taken the pressure off of me. I’ve also made it clear that I am not the entertainer so my kids don’t come to me constantly for direction in their play.

I realized the life I’ve been dreaming of isn’t somewhere in the distant future, it was here, now. That changed everything

JC: All of the above each and every day? I feel like I’m always holding two thoughts at once—it’s fucking hard and wow this is the best. The feelings are complicated and nuanced, you know!? Lately, generally, it’s been feeling better and better, as we’re out of our most recent sleep regression and have fallen into a pretty good routine and this age is just such a joy. My daughter is always making us laugh and learning new things and it’s incredible to watch her grow and become her own person. But with that, she’s stubborn, so that’s been really hard.

KS: The whole spectrum, all at once, and opposite sides at any given moment. Separation anxiety set in right around our positive pregnancy test, which has meant that aside from 9-5 when school/parents have him, there is zero time when we are not all together in some form or another. Including sleep. He’s slept in our bed for the last year because he’s afraid of monsters in his room. Send tips!

YP: Mostly because of my kids’ age, I think I’m in the relatively pleasant middle of childhood where the kids are somewhat independent, have robust friend-groups, can walk around the neighborhood on their own, and are more able to be helpful. I’m sure it won’t last all that long, but it’s enabled me a lot more autonomy of my own compared to when they were younger, so I also have more of my own social/professional/hobby life at the same time.

We are also in a neighborhood with a lot of friends (theirs and ours) in walking distance, so we’re constantly watching each others’ kids, dropping our kids off, hosting/having dinner with friends, etc. It took a long time to get here, but now that we’re at this stage it’s nice.

RL: I want to tell all of you with little ones that it gets easier—and some of it does—but omg the tween stuff is really hard. I don’t miss the days of my kids being an appendage on my body but having your heart run around outside your body – and not always remembering to text that they’re okay – is a whole new level.”

Q: I recently heard someone say: “You can be an amazing CEO or a shitty mom. You can be a shitty CEO or an amazing mom. It’s nearly impossible to be amazing at both.” What do you think?

KD: I think “balance” is kind of a lie we tell ourselves to feel in control. I do think it’s hard to be good at both, but I also think it’s possible, just not everyday.

With that said, I also think there is a reason why books like Neha Ruch’s,The Power Pause are so popular. I think working, ambitious women, that also happen to be mothers, are tired of trying to have it all at the same time.

EM: I wish it was that black and white, but I’m learning life sits more firmly in the gray zone. To me, I see being a ‘great mom’ as presence. Slowing down to be in the moment with my kids. It’s not about homemade meals, orginized activities, parties, halloween costumes, etc. just sharing a moment together. I think you can be killing it at work, and still be present for your kids. But, it’s a choice.

*I also think true presence with kids goes a lot further than being ‘in the room’ with them but emotionally/mentally checked out on another project for a longer amount of time.

JC: I just think our idea of what amazing means changes. I disagree that if you’re good at one you’re failing at the other, but I do think our perspective on what success and failure looks like shifts a little—or at least it has for me. Am I the most ambitious employee I’ve ever been in my life, and do I drop a ball here or there or avoid going above and beyond sometimes (all the time)? Sure. At home, do I also drop some balls and sometimes throw on Elmo because I need to get some work done and therefore can’t be as present as I would like? Yes. But I don’t think either of those things means I’m shitty at them, you know?

KS: My initial instinct is to really dislike that statement, probably because I don’t want it to be true. I love Nora Roberts’s glass ball theory. If you’re not familiar, she essentially says that some of the balls you’re juggling are plastic and some are glass. It’s important to know which are which so you can prioritize catching the glass balls. I try to keep that in mind when I’m thinking about trying to strike a balance between family and work life, and taking care of myself, too.

RL: I mean, I’m the founder and CEO of two companies—so you can probably imagine how things go on my worst days. But on my better days, there is balance and delegation and focusing on letting others do what they do best—and not trying to micromanage helps with all my jobs including motherhood.

Q: What are three things you let slide on the regular?

NP: Laundry…I have clean clothes mountain in front of my closet. It’s how I get dressed and I hate it but I can’t bring myself to hang things up once the kiddos are in bed. I’m too tired! Chicken nuggets/mac and cheese at least once a week. And please don’t come at me, but NEVER more than 3 baths per week. I don’t know how people do every night. And yes, sometimes the crib sheets have crumbs on them.

KD: 1000% laundry is the worst thing in the world. I put it off. Nicole, glad to see I’m not the only one who struggles to put clothes away! I used to have someone come once a week and help, but she got a new job in her area of expertise, and so it goes. We go out to eat probably three times a week. Once for breakfast on the weekends. (McClain’s is the best bakery in Kansas City.) If I do my hair once a week, I’m thriving.

EM: I rarely plan playdates with my kids. The emotional fallout afterwards was far too taxing to make this a regular thing. They all go to school every weekday and that is enough socialization for us on weekdays. We also skip 80% of birthday parties.

I think that our lowkey social schedule is the secret sauce to a low-stress life. Anything to avoid the rushing and unnecessary meltdowns.

JC: My laundry always sits in the dryer for way too long. I make the same thing for my daughter’s lunch every single week. And I am the world’s worst texter.

KS: I don’t cook so that is all my husband. I’d like to plug Fair Play here - that is one of his tasks. I hate to say it, but sometimes dishes are left in the sink overnight. And I’ll echo Nicole’s philosophy on bath time—that is not a nightly occurrence in our household.

YP: I love food and do enjoy cooking, just not 3 times a day, 7 times a week for kids who don’t eat all that much. So, I don’t spend much time thinking in advance about what we’re all eating. Fortunately, my husband does 80% of the cooking and grocery shopping and feeds us much better than I could.

Homework is optional at my kids’ school and I err on the very lax side about it. I’d rather them read books they enjoy and make stuff rather than do worksheets the school sends home. I’m sure I should help them build some homework routine but I’m not that interested in the battle.

Baths, showers. I mean, unless the kids smell, who cares?

RL: I like a clean and organized house but when things get crazy, I will shove things into drawers and inside closets and deal with the mess later. We rarely cook (how terrible is that? But honestly – who has the time?). We order a lot of food delivery and I’m pretty sure that we are so used to that, it would be hard to ever not live in a big city.

Q: Let’s get real about money and outsourcing. What do you outsource for your family and what does it cost? Anything you’d outsource immediately if you won the lotto?

NP: We outsource house cleaning ($140 twice a month), nanny $800-$900 per week, and use grocery pick-up or delivery. Full disclosure: life right now is a huge stretch for our budget. If I won the lotto, I’d hire a housekeeper to keep the house tidier and a professional organizer.

KD: We have a cleaner once a month, $200. We used to have someone help with laundry ($75 a session), and honestly, that was the best money I’ve ever spent. We also have lawn care, which runs about $250 a month. Groceries are mostly Instacart delivery. I’d love to get rid of that too, but right now it helps so much. I often wonder how my mom did it without any of this.

If I won the lottery, I’d hire a wife. Someone to handle all the invisible stuff, permission slips, birthday gifts, the “oh no, it’s pajama day” mornings. Someone who just quietly makes the chaos go away. Okay maybe I’m sort of joking. I’d probably hire a house manager, someone who keeps the household machine running: scheduling lawn care, laundry help, painters, signing up for summer camps before they sell out in 0.2 seconds. Basically, a project manager for family life.

JC: We outsource childcare four days a week, as Nicole mentioned above. It’s about $3500/month. We’ll use a house cleaner every now and then and it’s incredible, and something I would do regularly if I won the lotto. I’d also hire a personal chef a couple days a week. I love cooking, but it can be overwhelming sometimes. I would really like someone to do all the lunch prepping for myself and my kid.

KS: We also outsource housecleaning ($85/every two weeks—family friend’s business, this is an anomaly, I’m sure) and we eat out more than we should! It’s the biggest household expense and something we’re actively working to cut back on. If I won the lottery, I’d probably go for a personal chef. Thinking about meals is the bane of my existence. A professional organizer sounds nice, too!

YP: We just decided to get a sitter 2 days a week to help us after having no regular sitter for two years. As a two freelancer household we were constantly scrambling for coverage for ad hoc things and decided we needed more reliability in our support system. We get a cleaner 1x a month (~$200) and do some grocery delivery (maybe 1x a month).

If I won the lotto? I would love to have a cleaner come every week. I’d love to have a standing babysitter at least one night a week. Honestly, modest dreams. I would, however, love another bathroom.

RL: We have a housecleaner once a week, a handyman that comes when we need help (we are not handy!) and use a food delivery service called Jennie’s Kitchen (since we don’t cook). It’s the best—tons of options and perfect for our family of four, none of whom like the same things.

We also have a whole roster of teenage babysitters and it’s life changing. We do a lot of date nights and can RSVP to parties and events without worrying about finding coverage for the kids. I would love a full time housekeeper, personal assistant and house manager. But I also don’t love having other people in my house so it’s a bit of a catch 22.

Q: What have you had to sacrifice most to be a mom?

KD: My quiet mornings.

JC: Independence. I mean, of course. But personally, that has felt the hardest to reconcile. I miss being on my own and not being needed all the time and getting to just…be. It’s an adjustment now, always planning 15 steps in advance and making sure everyone is taken care of and not having that down time and alone time I really crave. But it’s getting easier, and of course I feel obligated to say that it’s worth it.

KS: My career has definitely taken a hit, unfortunately. I had a miscarriage a couple years ago and then went through IVF a year later and it felt impossible to ride that rollercoaster while simultaneously expanding my career/income. Also, the best opportunities in my area would require commuting two hours twice a day to and from NYC, which I refuse to do because I wouldn’t see my family. Alas, we’re going the entrepreneurial route and I’m excited to see what’s in store!

YP: Sleep? Travel? I don’t really think of it as a huge sacrifice. I’m happy to be a mom. I think it’s made my life a lot richer. Also crazier, more hectic, exhausting, funnier, completely fucking absurd at times.

RL: Time and calm. I wouldn’t trade motherhood for anything but I remember that first feeling of overwhelm I had when my son was born – and thinking it was temporary. That was 12 years ago and it never went away. Obviously I need to take on less, outsource more, maybe meditate – but who has time for all that?

Q: What part of you feels a lot different since becoming a mom?

NP: Well, physically my butt/waist/stomach feels SO different. Aside from the weight gain, things just don’t fit on my body the same way there and I’m very conscious of it. On the flip side, I’ve become so much more emotionally resilient. The things that used to throw me SO off track in my 20s, like not getting invited to something, just don’t phase me like they used to. It still stings sometimes, but my ability to bounce back and move on has improved 20 fold.

KD: Really… I feel like a completely different person in every way. I think there are some cultures that believe your old self dies during childbirth. That’s felt true to me. For me it’s felt more like evolution than losing something. But there will always be a part of me that misses the smaller size jean I used to wear, or the ability to truly sleep through the night without worry.

EM: My mindset going into it mothering was, this is something I am doing for my kids. Now I see it as, this is something that is shaping me. When I stopped seeing motherhood as something I needed to perfect, and started viewing it as something that was shaping me, I was able to relax into it more.

JC: I’m more confident, that’s for sure! There must be something about raising a kid that puts everything else in perspective, and it’s allowed me to be more certain of myself. Most of the time, at least.

KS: I feel like a totally different person since becoming a mom—in a good way. It feels really cliche to say that having a child gave my life more meaning, but it did—and that’s coming from someone who wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to be a mom in the first place. I think it’s made me stronger mentally and emotionally and it’s forced a lot of growth and learning.

YP: I think it has made me 1000x more empathetic. You go through a lot with pregnancy, parenting battles, etc. that are entirely invisible to other people. I think that made me realize that I never know what anyone else might be dealing with at any given moment. Everyone has their own hurdles that you absolutely cannot see or know about, so give a little more grace.

RL: I thought I’d be a more laid back mom. I think I may have been when they were younger, but my kids NEVER stop talking and asking for things and sometimes, I find it really stressful. I was a truly excellent teacher (formerly a preschool teacher!) and that feeling of calm around kids is something I thought I’d always have with my own kids—and it’s surprising how much they can get under my skin and stress me out. And then the second they go to bed I’m scrolling through photos and thinking of clever things they said and basking in the cozy gratitude that they are mine. Parenting does weird things to you.

Q: Let’s talk days off school/daycare or the nanny is sick. What’s your strategy? Tag team? You? In-laws? Cartoons?

KD: I will call on my mom or Asheer’s mom on these days, but I will say they are both pretty busy with their rich lives. We do also have a great line up of sitters, that can help from time to time in a pinch.

On the days where none of the back up plans work, sometimes Asheer and I will tag-team and split the day. We did that a lot during COVID. But mostly, when everything falls apart, I accept it’s going to be a half-work, half-kid day. I’m going to have to work when the kids go to bed. And If I get two solid hours of focus in during the day, I’m calling it a win.

JC: Lol strategy?! What’s that?! Honestly it depends on the day. Whoever has the lighter work load that day will often take it on, and it usually means Frozen on repeat with some Elmo sprinkled in. I used to feel really guilty about that, but I’m learning to just let it be what it is.

KS: Oh gosh, this is an amalgamation of things—whatever it takes to survive. If it’s a day off school during the school year, he goes to my MIL’s. Our biggest struggle is during the summer when school is out and my MIL is in Portugual for a couple months. Then it’s tag teaming, screentime, and help from my sister and parents. We also went to Portugal for a few weeks this summer and last, partly because we love it there, but also hugely because it cut down on the number of weeks we struggled with childcare.

YP: Mostly tag teaming. TV, books, art supplies. With older kids it’s definitely easier. I can send them to a park or playground to meet up with a friend and coordinate with other parents. They can walk there on their own, and my older kid has a very basic smartwatch so she can send me voice messages or let me know where she is. Sometimes we put them in day-off camps with a friend, but those are pretty expensive.

RL: My husband is a stay-at-home dad and has been since our oldest was born. It started as a stop gap and continued on. Now we travel so much and my businesses have been successful so it hasn’t made sense for him to get back into the work force. It’s a relief to know that he’s around and can do the shuttling and be where he’s needed when things come up, but at the end of the day, I still carry much of the mental load. The kids have screens and if we need a quiet house, that’s the ticket.

Q: As a working mom, how do you stay present with your kid(s) when you’ve got work noise swirling around your head?

KD: I’m trying to make reading time at night sacred. And then something I tell myself a lot is: there is always enough time.

I started saying that when we first had Yara. There’s a four and a half year gap between my girls, and it was hard for Amira at first, watching me split my attention. So I’d tell her: There’s always enough love and time for everyone. Mom never runs out. Dad never runs out.

Some days it doesn’t feel like we have any time left, but saying it helps pull me out of the guilt loop. It reminds me to look for the small ways to connect, five minutes here, a quick story there. But with that said, I definitely don’t get it right every time. I don’t think anyone does.

JC: Sometimes I’m super present, sometimes I’m not. And that’s just what it is. It also depends a lot on what’s going on that day/week and how stressed I am in the moment. If it’s a nutty week and I know I’m only going to have a few minutes to fit in cleaning the kitchen, I’ll just skip the playing and get done what I need to get done because if I don’t, I’ll go crazy. Alternatively, if I know we have a quiet weekend coming up and I can let a few things slide for a couple days, I’ll choose to play. So no hacks, no strategies. Just taking it day by day.

Also, leaving my phone in another room is really the only thing that works to get me off it when I need to be present with her. Kids are boring sometimes, so I always reach for it. If it’s not there, it’s easier to stay engaged.

KS: This is hard! It is so tough to shut off at the end of the day, especially when I feel like I was just getting into the flow or have new ideas to sort through or am grappling with a difficult situation. Adding kids into the mix when my brain is swirling feels so overstimulating sometimes. My general rule is to put my phone away between 5-8pm so that I’m not tempted to focus on something other than family things. And then I try to remember that this is the limited amount of time that I get with my son each day and I want to feel as present as possible with him, and I want him to feel that, too. It’s a mindset switch that often allows me to hone in on him versus work.

YP: I’d rather have 10 quality minutes with the kids, then tell them I need to get back to work, then an hour of splitting my time between the kids and work, where nothing gets my full attention. So, sometimes I know I need to work after dinner. We play a game together, have our time together, then I’m like, OK, work time now. And it’s fine. They will be fine.

RL: My boys are two years apart and thick as thieves together (the best of friends and worst enemies) so they entertain each other. My involvement is often as a referee which is the most exhausting job of all time. I work from home and absolutely love that I am always in the mix to some extent, even when I am working. My kids will sometimes come hang out in my office after school and do their homework, or lay on the floor and tell me stories about their day. I’d like to say I always put my phone down or my computer down when they come in (I don’t) but I do try to carve out the weekends to really be available to do stuff with them. None of us are good at sitting around and relaxing (taking tips!) so I try to just get everyone out of the house and can focus more on family time that way.

Q: And because I need some gift ideas, what is the #1 best kid-related purchase you made this year?

NP: For my second grader, a Where’s Waldo book from the used section at a kids shop. For my toddlers (and my second grader), this indoor bike is a giant hit. They ride around the house a gazillion times on it.

KS: For Amira, the Witchlings book series, it’s been so fun to read together and see her get totally hooked on a story. For Yara, we signed up for the Dolly Parton Imagination Library, and I’ve loved every book they’ve sent.

JC: I hardly remember what I ate for breakfast yesterday, so thinking back over all purchases made this year is nearly impossible. One that jumps out—though maybe not the best per se—was a Frozen themed book that she truly cannot get enough of. I’m doing my best to make her a bookworm so we’ll often go to the local bookstore together where I’ll let her pick something out, and she gravitated towards this one instantly. It’s so dull reading it five times in a row every night, but it brings her so much joy, and anything I can do to encourage reading is a win in my book (pun intended??).

KS: These aren’t purchases we made this year, but I stand by them: Magnatiles—we’re finally starting to see some real independent play with these. And Ride-on Quad—the amount of hours this has entertained him, just riding around the house in endless loops.

YP: This stuffed animal hammock which successfully gets about 40 stuffies out of my daughter’s bed.

RL: This color kindle (connected to the Libby library app). As my son says, “it’s like having a whole library in your hands”. They can read novels and graphic novels and there’s nothing to do on it but read. My kids each have one and take them everywhere.

Q: And the best purchase you made for yourself.

NP: 5 nights at the Park Hyatt Paris Vendome for $0 and business class flight for around $200.

KD: A solo hotel or Airbnb night. No kids, no husband, no responsibility. Just me, a robe, and bad TV. Room service. Worth every penny.

JC: A massage and day at the spa with my best friend to celebrate my birthday.

KS: A Nuuly subscription - a pregnant girl’s best friend. [Ed. note: Here’s a referral link from Kait that gets you $30 off your first month if you’ve been thinking about giving it a try!]

YP: I spend a fair amount on exercise, mostly on tennis (court time, lessons, paying for USTA matches). It’s an expensive sport to play in New York but makes me so happy, and is good for my energy, mood, and general health.

RL: On Mother’s Day, I spent the morning at little league games and then checked in to the Park Hyatt New York for a solo staycation. I took myself to a Broadway show, ordered room service, went to the pool and never wanted to leave. I used 45,000 Hyatt points for the one night, transferred from the travel card I always recommend (the best one!). This $1500+ room actually cost me $0. Thank goodness for points! [Ed. note: we speak the same language!]

Thank you so much for reading Double Dutch. It truly means the world. For more, follow along on Instagram. Connect on LinkedIn. Let’s work together. Buy me a coffee!

Need a place to start? Check out everyone’s favorites: ✨ The Ultimate Baby Registry List ✨ How I’m Traveling to Paris for $368 ✨ 3 Easy Dinners I Make Every Week ✨ Exactly What to Bring New Moms ✨

ICYMI, I was laid off at the end of January 2025.

Just a few months before that heart-palpitating HR call, my husband Tim and I bought a new house. A month later, our third kiddo, a baby girl, arrived. Needless to say, this past year has been full of “tighten the wallet” moments.

I’ve always been a selective, budget-conscious shopper (Dutch-Midwest upbringing, IYKYK), but that’s even more true now. Turns out a high-interest mortgage, an unexpected layoff, and fun purchases don’t mix.

I know there are far harder things happening in the world, and stressing about a mortgage doesn’t exactly count as capital-D Difficult. But it’s still…not a walk in the park. (Do you want to hear more about this? I feel a newsletter brewing.)

All that to say: a vacation seems like something that would be in the “not right now” column of the budget.

But! Around a year and a half ago, I started exploring the world of travel hacking—using credit card offers, points, and miles to my advantage. Since then, I’ve racked up nearly a million points and taken two “free” getaways, with a third coming up at the end of the month.

There are tons of great places to learn the ins and outs of travel hacking. I’ve written a few posts about it.

My friend is a pro at family travel, and is the queen of luxury travel on points. They both have written extensively about travel hacking how’s, if you’re curious.

Aside from food and transportation, these trips have cost us almost nothing, which is how—despite my consulting business not being (yet!) a well-oiled machine—Tim and I are able to head to Paris later this month. (I booked it at the beginning of the year…one week to the day before my layoff.)

Here’s the breakdown of my “free/low-cost trips this year. They’re not all glamorous, but they’ve been meaningful, affordable, and places we’d been wanting to visit. :)

Location: Washington D.C.

Hotel: Park Hyatt

Room type: Standard Suite

Who: Myself, Tim, and our three kids (7, 2, 1)

Why D.C.: My brother and his partner live there, so we visited over spring break for 4 days, 3 nights.

What we did: The great thing about D.C. is all the Smithsonian Museums and many of the tours are free. We hit up Natural History, Air and Space, and the Zoo.

My brother’s girlfriend works on Capitol Hill, so she gave us a private tour of the Capitol where we road the Senate Subway, a private tiny subway that connects some of the office buildings to the Capitol building, my toddler’s highlight.

Where we ate: Because I had status applied to my hotel stay (more on that below), we had a $180 credit per day for breakfast at the hotel’s restaurant, Michelin-distinguished Blue Duck Tavern The food was great albeit $$$. (Like $20 for a bowl of berries.) We went over the allotted amount a couple of times and they didn’t charge us, which was really nice.

What we thought: The Park Hyatt experience was nice, if a little underwhelming. The GM had written us a welcome note and we had cookies and treats waiting in our room and were sent something every night as well (fruit assortment, dessert!). His assistant had ordered stuffed pandas for the kids (I know, so sweet) because I’d mentioned we were going to the zoo, but they got lost in the mail.

They put a mini crib in the room and we brought a pack & play. Our oldest slept on the couch in the living area with the toddler and baby. Tim and I slept in the king—it wasn’t a separate bedroom but there was a divider. There was a pool too, which was great for our oldest to get out some end-of-the-day energy.

Note: I do not have status with Hyatt like I mentioned earlier, BUT I did send a note ahead of our visit to introduce myself, which is helpful for the staff.

Cost if we had paid cash

• Room: $1,452 ($484/night + city tax)

• Breakfast: $540 ($180 credit/day)

• Parking: $144 ($48/night)

TOTAL: $2,136 for three nights

What I actually paid

• Room cost: $0 (40k Chase —> Hyatt points per night)

• Out of pocket costs: $30 (tips for bellhop, valet parking, housekeeping)

• Breakfast cost: $0

• Parking: $0

• Globalist Status: $49 | You can’t buy Hyatt status, but I traded a $49 United lounge pass in exchange for someone to apply their Globalist status to my stay, which is called a Guest of Honor award. This can be done in Hyatt Facebook groups. This status meant we got free breakfast at their Michilen restaurant, free valet parking, and late checkout.

TOTAL: $79 for three nights!

Location: NYC

Hotel: The Standard, East Village

Room type: Standard queen

Who: Me (+ Tim, who surprised me!)

Why NYC: I had a networking event in Lower Manhattan and decided to stay over since I could use points. Hyatt recently welcomed The Standard hotel group under their umbrella and there was one ten minutes away.

What we did: I took the train in and walked around the city a bit before getting ready for the evening. After the event, Tim and I grabbed dinner nearby at Pasquale Jones and treats at MilkBar (who now make their baked good shelf stable and you can definitely tell in the quality and taste). The next day we had brunch with a friend at Cafe Cluny in the West Village and perused some shops. Overall, very relaxing and inspiring!

What we thought: The room was typical NYC size, but very clean, modern, and relaxing. The bed was really comfy and the front desk was so tickled that Tim surprised me, they sent a fruit and cheese board up to our room. Shoutout to Phillip! So sweet.

Cost if we had paid cash

Room: $702.34 ($609/night + city tax)

TOTAL: $702.34

What I actually paid

• Room cost: $0 (29k Chase —> Hyatt points per night)

• Out of pocket cost: $8 because my husband thought the coffee bar was free, but it was charged to our room lol.

TOTAL: $8

*We obviously spent money on our meals, but I’m not including that here.

Location: Paris, France

Hotel: Park Hyatt Paris Vendome

Room type: Standard King

We have this trip coming up and I am SO excited. I’ve included our ticket costs and anticipated hotel costs below. I’ll update this once we return.

Who: Tim and me—no kids

Why: Joint 40th and 11th anniversary celebration :)

Flights

Because we live in Philly, both NYC and DC are train / driving distance. But Paris is obviously a flight, and flights aren’t cheap! Here’s where we landed:

Cost of flights if we had paid cash

• JFK > CDG, business class: $2,058 per person

• CDG > JFK, economy: $600 per person

• TOTAL: $2,658 per person

What I actually paid for flights

• JFK > CDG, business class: $238 per person (taxes & fees)

  • Each flight was 65,000 Air France miles. I transferred 54K Chase points per person when there was a 20% transfer bonus.

• CDG > JFK, economy: $130 per person (taxes & fees)

  • Each flight was 27K American Airlines points per person

• TOTAL: $368 per person

Lodging cost if we had paid cash

• Room: $9,062.35 ($1,609 per night + city tax)

• Breakfast: $600($120/day)

• TOTAL: $9,062.35

What I actually paid for lodging (estimate)

• Room cost: $0 (45k Chase —> Hyatt points per night)

• Out of pocket cost: Tips for housekeeping, etc.

• Room: $0

• Breakfast: $0

• TOTAL: TBD!

What questions do you have? Do you feel overwhelmed? (I did for the first six months and now it’s wayyyy easier, promise!) Tell me all your thoughts (or drop some Paris must-sees that aren’t touristy). Can’t wait to hear.

Since I’m not shopping a whole lot at the moment, here are a few things I continue to wear to death or use until the last drop. You can bet they’re all well worth the money.

These $29 pants are on repeat and I might get one more pair while they’re on sale, they’re that good. They have a matching top, too! I find the pants and top to be TTS if sliiiightly big in the pants (I got M).

This merino sweater is perfect. I have in navy and eyeing grey.

When people say I’m glowing, it’s because of this. (20% OFF right now!)

Best blush stick and lasts forever. (20% OFF right now!)

My eyelashes are short, thin, and stick-straight. This is the ONLY mascara I’ve found over the past 25 years that gives them lift and length. (20% OFF right now!)

My chronically chapped lips LOVE this and the tinted version gives that perfect hint of color. I love Desire.

Thank you so much for reading Double Dutch. It truly means the world. For more, follow along on Instagram. Connect on LinkedIn. Let’s work together. Buy me a coffee!

Need a place to start? Check out everyone’s favorites: ✨ The Ultimate Baby Registry List ✨ How I’m Traveling to Paris for $368 ✨ 3 Easy Dinners I Make Every Week ✨ Exactly What to Bring New Moms ✨

2020 was a tough year for everyone. If you need a refresher, it was the height of the pandemic. We were disinfecting our groceries, buying fabric masks from Etsy shops, and tending to sourdough starters. I spent an entire Saturday afternoon searching for toilet paper in Philly and finally found a pack of nearly transparent rolls at a tiny Asian grocery store.

It was fearful and brutal. Family members were barred from being by their loved ones’ side as they breathed their last breath. I shouted at a doctor on a three-way call as my mom gasped for air too afraid of being separated from my dad to go to the ER. “Make her go in,” I begged. “Tell her she has to go, please, just tell her!”

My husband, Tim, and I spent the afternoon before everything shut down at an ice cream shop with Clay. Our little boy was thrilled to dine on a scoop of ice cream with sprinkles, and we felt a strange camaraderie as we smiled at all the other harried adults. “What’s going on?” our eyes asked. “Guess our weekend plans are squashed.”

This global crisis brought communities together like never before. In Philly, we taped rainbows in our windows, a sign that we were resilient, we would weather this storm together. We supported restaurant owners and their staff, handing out extra tips when we could and offering words of encouragement generously.

I was pregnant with our second. Conceiving wasn’t instantaneous like it was the first time, and by month four I was holding my breath at every cramp or ache in my abdomen. Relief flooded my chest when the test flashed “Pregnant.”

The nausea was more intense than the first time around, and I survived on a diet of lemonade and Good & Plenty.

As we hibernated at home, I dreamed of the baby.

For some, the journey to becoming a parent is incredibly easy. “Let’s start trying!” turns into a baby. Two years later, a sibling. Two years later, one more. The births neatly stacked in precise two-year increments. A hospital picture of the last babe with a caption: “Our family is complete!”

For others, the road to parenthood is fraught with nuances and roadblocks that feel cruel. Some empty their bank accounts and all the stored-up hope in their hearts only to find it wasn’t in the proverbial cards. Their journey cut short by a doctor, social worker, or adoption agency staff person across the table, shaking their head, “I’m sorry.”

Some desperately want one or another, but eye the credit card bill or the state of the world and close that chapter for themselves, even while their heart aches.

Partway through my second trimester, the first Monday in May, I sat down to pee and screamed for Tim as fluid poured out of me and my heart clenched with fear.

I’ve written at length about the devastation I felt when I heard the words “no heartbeat.” What it was like to give birth while masked and mourning, tiny smeared footprints and a few ultrasound photos the only proof we have of this baby’s short existence. Our second son, Leo.

This post isn’t a retelling of that—you can read my previous posts if you want the whole story1. Rather, what I want to reflect on is the strange comfort of the pandemic and my experience of becoming unhinged.

For those embedded in fashion, the first Monday in May is a holiday of sorts—the date of the annual Met Gala, arguably the most glamorous and prestigious fashion event on the globe.

The world’s most prominent celebrities spend months creating their looks for the red carpet. Cher’s naked dress. Rihanna’s iconic omelet dress. Kim Kardashian famously lost 16 pounds in three weeks to wear Marilyn Monroe’s “Happy Birthday, Mr. President” gown for just a few moments on the red carpet.

In 2020, the Met Gala was canceled for the first time ever. Its planned date was the day I lost Leo.

That same day, thousands of humans across the globe lost someone else. Like me, they bore witness to the sad eyes of a hospital worker or doctor, standing a strict six feet away. Alongside my tears were the tears of people who could no longer afford rent, who canceled weddings and reunions, who couldn’t get to their loved ones’ bedside as they died alone. Misery loves company, they say, and the communal misery of the world felt like company.

Experiencing loss during a global pandemic held a strange sort of comfort. There was nothing to envy on social media except someone’s procurement of the most elusive groceries: Clorox wipes, yeast, and toilet paper.

Nearly every human was living in an uncharted dimension. Be it the death of a loved one, intense loneliness, or health anxiety, everyone had experienced some type of grief during this “unprecedented time.” An extended and collective mourning.

Two years and three months after I birthed Leo, I found out I was pregnant again. As one can expect, I was a wreck, a shadow of myself, whittling down my friendships to just a handful of safe people.

My parents and siblings were beholden to one-word answers over the phone, a result of the perpetual knot of anxiety that clutched every thought in those nine months.

I tried to be positive. I tried to summon up excitement. But I just couldn’t. I was terrified. I let one close friend throw a small “sprinkle” with strict instructions that no one touch my belly or speak about the impending birth. In case it’s not obvious, I was a real joy to be around.

Three days before my due date, my water broke. I arrived at the hospital fully dilated less than two hours after my water broke. Within minutes of getting into the triage room, my bed was being raced to the OR.

“Code 8, Code 8. All available medical personnel to the OR,” rang over the intercom.

The fluorescent lights I was speeding under seemed especially ghoulish, blurry from the panic coursing through my body. Over the following months, I’d see them every time I closed my eyes.

“Where’s her IV? I need her fucking IV!” the anesthesiologist shouted above me. A quick stab in the arm.

“Thank goodness someone feels the urgency,” I thought. As I drifted off to an anesthesia-induced sleep, I planned the texts I was going to have to send when I woke up: “We lost our baby boy. We are heartbroken.”

I woke up to Tim sitting next to my bed. “Is the baby okay?” I asked groggily, looking around the room for some sign of life.

“Hey Nic.” Tim leaned in, squeezing my hand. “The baby’s okay, he’s okay.”

“It’s a boy,” I thought, relief flooding my body. “He’s alive.”

My baby didn’t die this time. But the aftermath was hell.

Two weeks later

My mom tried to hand me the baby. “You should have a turn,” she said, her tone lighthearted, but her eyes full of worry.

I shook my head vehemently. “No,” I muttered, my voice stale. 2pm, the first time I’d spoken all day.

Holding him to my chest sent waves of terror, panic, and anxiety coursing through my body. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t swallow. My throat perpetually felt like it was choking. A spoonful of clear broth, a single flake off a golden croissant. I lost 30 pounds in three weeks.

The Spirit of Motherhood taunted me in the weeks following Jasper’s birth, slowly unhinging me. “This is what you wanted,” it whispered. “What is wrong with you?” it mocked. “Why so ungrateful?”

The other day, I showed Jasper, who’s now two-and-a-half, photos of his baby sister right after she was born. She lay in the hospital bassinet, eyes closed, a heart monitor taped to her chest to make sure she was up to snuff.

He took one look at the photo and his mouth turned down. He laid his head on the bed.

“JJ, what’s wrong?” I asked, surprised by his quiet sniffles and the tears welling in his eyes.

He buried his face in a blanket.

“I no like it,” he said quietly.

He took another glance at the photo and a wave of grief washed over his face. “I sad.”

Of course I wonder if my unhinging affected him. Does he remember, on a subconscious level, his traumatic entry into the world? Was not meeting me for 12 hours post-birth—the length of time I had to wait for the doctors to clear me—detrimental to his well-being?

I wonder if he recognized that I couldn’t bear to hold him those first few weeks. That I’d go days without smiling or speaking above a whispered monotone. Does he remember the constant calls from my sister, his beloved aunt, at all times of the day? “Just checking in,” she’d say while simultaneously texting Tim, “How is she, really?”

Birth trauma is real. Postpartum PTSD is alive and well. Postpartum anxiety and depression don’t discriminate. It took months of therapy, EMDR, medication, and extra time off work to come back to myself. I was lucky to have the resources—which took hours and hours of phone calls to clinics, psychiatrists, and insurance—to procure.

Many women simply go without. Many suffer in silence.

There are a lot of women who would give anything for my few bad experiences. There are women who look at me and think, “But at least you had a baby.”

The tremendous gift of it all doesn’t elude me.

We call Jasper “Sunshine Boy” because when he smiles, his whole face lights up.

Our 85-year-old neighbor took one look at him this spring and declared, “If Michelangelo were to paint the face of an angel, it would be him!” His voice was thin and reedy, but his eyes twinkled brightly.

Sometimes I squeeze him so tight, he wiggles out of the hug with an “Ouch, Mama.” It’s still hard to believe he’s here, tethered to this earth.

The journey to and through motherhood is a constant juggle of conflicting truths:

I love my kids. / I don’t always love being a mom.

I want to be pregnant. / I don’t want to lose myself.

I would die for my children—I would die for a child—My child died.

There’s so much more to say. Most of all, I want you to know that I see you, I see you, I see you.

I’ll end this on this quote from Glennon Doyle: “Life is brutal, but it’s also beautiful. Life is brutiful.”

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Thank you so much for reading Double Dutch. It truly means the world. For more, follow along on Instagram. Connect on LinkedIn. Let’s work together. Buy me a coffee!

Need a place to start? Check out everyone’s favorites: ✨ The Ultimate Baby Registry List ✨ How I’m Traveling to Paris for $368 ✨ 3 Easy Dinners I Make Every Week ✨ Exactly What to Bring New Moms ✨